Marry/Fuck/Kill – Morning Drive Edition

Right Back At It

I’m off today, which means you have the joy of a new post to greet you this Monday afternoon. And because I was off this morning I got a chance to see the product the Golf Channel now sells to you as “Morning Drive”. Ugh. That is brutal television. I don’t mind Rymer. I don’t mind Gary Williams. And Lauren Thompson is a pro. The rest of the show blows dick. In the past we had the likes of Holly Sonders to keep us focused on her tits the show while Golf Channel spoon fed us its garbage. With Holly gone so long now I’d barely noticed what the show had become. The bottom line, don’t waste your time with it. And for entertainment only, lets play another round of Marry/Fuck/Kill with the current female cast.


Your Choices

You know how the game is played, so here are your Morning Drive Cast members to categorize:

Lauren Thompson

The long tenured Golf Channel employee was once some sort of swim suit model, but you knew that.

Cara Robinson

This English lass joined the show in 2015 after working for Sky Sports.

Paige Mackenzie

Paige is a former/current LPGA player that has made just under $700k for her career. Injuries have somewhat derailed her professional efforts. She joined the Morning Drive cast in 2013.

Sorting Them Out

Who would you marry, if they’d have you? I’m going with Lauren Thompson. That is an easy one. She’s hot as hell so if you’re going to nail one of them for 20 to 40 years she’s the easy pick. Plus she seems pretty laid back and is a loving mother. What else could you ask for in a wife? I don’t know if any of these broads can cook so why even think about that? Now the next two categories make this tough. Cara looks like she’s been around the block. For fucking her you’d need to wear about 6 condoms just to protect yourself. She’s got legs for days, but is that worth a life time of herpes? My ‘fuck’ goes to Paige. But that in itself is dangerous. Her annoying cartoon voice would have to be silenced for me to get ‘ready’ for action. I guess you could stick something in her mouth to shut her up. She’s a sweet girl otherwise. Why kill her? That leaves Robinson marked for death. Poor girl. I usually find British accents attractive, but it isn’t on her. She also has some kind of lazy-eye-dog-face thing that I can’t get past. And no boobs. For the purpose of the game, she gets the death blow. Sorry Cara.

What a brutal game, but now its your turn to play. Line them up. How does your marry/fuck/kill play out with the Morning Drive cast? Give me your best (or worst) in the comments.


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17 Responses to Marry/Fuck/Kill – Morning Drive Edition

  1. Herb Montgomery says:

    Re: M/F/K M: Cara…legs, legs, legs, and the accent. Every morning?? Yippee!!!
    F: Lauren, obviously, even for an old fart like me.
    K: Not Paige, but I would banish her to the lesson tee.

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  3. yt says:

    I think you need to reconsider your MFK pairings similar to the way they do it for the US Open. May I suggest:

    Golf hot, game not:

    More (asians) to love:

    Angry (blond) birds:

    That’s a man baby:

    How would you sort them out?

  4. Dirk says:

    Noble choices, all.

    • Michael Heesen says:

      Marry Cara, Fuck, I could listen to her all day and that is a plus for me. To spend a lifetime listening to someone has to be the right voice for you. Hill Lauren Thompson, mainly because she jumps into conversation and tries to make it about her, seems like a very selfish erson. Yes she has a great body, but really they all do, listen to me on this, she would definately be annoying to listen to all day. So is your 3 minutes of jumping her every other day is worth it for you, she is all yours. And now Paige, another annoying voice that knows everything. For one night I would get it done and not ever call her again.

  5. Mike says:

    Your article about the ‘Morning Ride’ ladies is disgraceful. Consider doing something functional with your autonomic nervous system. You’ve shown you are sociopathic, as everyone who accidentally reads your anoetic crap knows. The morons who endorsed your handiwork are knowledge dwarves as well. Starting making a positive difference, and stop poisoning society.

    • shutfacegolf says:

      Love the fire Mikie. You do realize this is just for entertainment. Lighten up, Francis.

    • freddy says:

      Kill the whole show and everyone on the golf channel. Not actually them but at least revamp the whole channel or let it die. Lt=needs to shut up and stop being so over the top nice. Care=olive oil. Anyone notice she (and all Brits) go on and on? SHUT UP! And let someone else talk. Face/bod for radio! Page=voice is chalkboard! Knowledge, like taking advice from”that guy” on the range. Sorry,I’m not really British. Summary=fuck the whole boring channel!

  6. Jon Beltrade says:

    You are a fucking moron. Your existence means nothing to this world except showing why this world is in chaos. Your condescending tones to women telling me you have a serious mental issue. Objectifying women at this level ceases to be a funny thing. As a man I am ashame to have you publishing anything on the web. Go get help.

    • shutfacegolf says:

      Jon, why are you reading this site if you don’t get it? I’m married. Have a mother, a daughter, a sister, wonderful grandmothers…..I love them all…this is for entertainment. Go fuck yourself.

    • freddy says:

      This country was found on a sense of humor douche! Don’t believe me, check out George Washington’s outfit, and his was was ugly!!! Go back…

  7. Anti Cara Robinson says:

    Gotta agree on the horse, Cara. She’s about as fugly as they come and her voice makes my ears bleed. Really, Cara? Mini skirts on a 6-5 body? Give us all a break and leave now! I literally turn off the channel whenever she’s on. Can’t stand her!

  8. Anti Cara Robinson says:

    Mike and Jon: Fuck off if you don’t like it!

  9. Ken says:

    Lol I can appreciate entertainment. I find Cara Robunson strangely attractive and not sure why. Maybe because she is my height and skinny as a bean pole but has legs that go forever. I dunno. But what happened to the hot lesbian on the show? Where did she go?

  10. U need some help man!!!! Maybe a bromantic sit down w/ rymer would convince u what a sick-O u are. I’m sure chuck could make u see the error of your ways…..

  11. says:

    Cara, you are absolutely gorgeous and have an awesome pair of legs!!!

  12. Tom Robinson says:

    There has to be many people out there who would be much better than Robinson.
    Just so painful listening to and watching her.
    Please make a change as the Golf Channel is better than this.

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