Shove It Up Your Petterson
I was in pocket for much of last weekend on a golf trip. I didn’t follow any part of the Solheim until I woke Sunday morning when the final holes were being played. I knew the score was lopsided in Europe’s favor but did a double take when I saw the U.S. was making a charge (I was still drunk so I had to make sure it wasn’t blurred vision). What happened after that was an amazing stretch of golf that all went Captain Julie Inkster’s way. Match after match on the board for Sunday singles went to the girls in red, white, and blue. This wasn’t the miracle at Brookline, this was a blitzkrieg on German soil.
The cup was determined by Gerina Piller’s match. Piller knew early on that her fellow Americans hadn’t fared as well in their matches and that Europe would keep the cup if they won just one more point. Playing the 18th hole with a 1 up lead, Piller had to get up and down for par and hope Caroline Masson missed her birdie putt just to give the U.S. a chance. Her putt to save par started an American avalanche on the Solheim scoreboard.
I understand the emotion that Piller was overwhelmed with at the moment, but I don’t understand the crying. Be happy. Celebrate. And then root like hell for your teammates. If I want to watch women cry I’ll just tell my wife I’m golfing for the entire next week and deal with that at home.
The U.S. won the Solheim Cup for the first time since 2009. That should be the headline from the matches. Instead, all anyone could talk about was Suzann Pettersen’s major faux pas from a resumed 4 ball match that was played early Sunday morning. As you’ll see in the video American Allison Lee missed her birdie putt in the midst of an all square match. After the putt slides by the hole the European players began walking to the next hole. Lee believed her par putt to be conceded and picked it up. Then shit hit the fan.
The referee with the group called the hole a halve, but then Pettersen steps in to say they didn’t concede Lee the putt. They argue, they cry, and the U.S. goes on to lose the hole and the match thanks to this cluster fuck. Shame on all players involved. Lee should have known that she needed to have a clear concession from her opponents before plucking her ball from the putting surface. Pettersen and Hull shouldn’t have walked off. Once they did and the error was made they should have given in. To win a hole in that fashion is shitty. Pettersen looked like a cunt for taking such a stubborn stand against Lee. Her image was so instantly tarnished that she felt the need to (cough….Nike who sponsors her called up and said to do so) apologize for her actions and for the entire incident. No shit? Whatever the case, the move completely backfired on the Euros and fired up the Americans. Thanks for the good juju, Sue.
Tiger On The Table…..Again
Tiger Woods loves to give his bad news late on Friday afternoons. Last Friday he said again that he’d undergone more back surgery to get his lingering issues fixed one more time. I think we all know what this means. He’s fucked, again. Just as he began to show a few slight signs of life he’ll be back to starting over. He’ll need rest. He’ll need rehab. And that means he won’t be practicing or getting better.
The cycle will continue. In 2016 it won’t be his back, but likely some other body part that is integral to the golf swing. This smells like another year of not contending and not winning, period.
And Now I Know The Pink Monkey Exists
The next blurb is a fun viral story that has gained traction over the last few days. The White Pines Golf Course near Chicago has been hosting an outing for the Pink Monkey establishment for the last four years. The Pink Monkey is a strip club that I’ve strangely never heard of having lived in Chicagoland for 8 years. The residents around the White Pines course have become wise to the outing and its annual behavior and this year they took pictures of the strippers that came with the outing personnel in an attempt to make a federal case out of the ‘crime’.
The issue at hand is that White Pines gets some government funding to operate as a park district course. With the strippers being nude on the grounds, the course has now banned the Pink Monkey from using it for their outing and is being investigated. Golf Digest has the local CBS story here. White Pines is a public course that the city has stake in. There is a park near the course with kids playing while nude strippers are only a few yards away. I love golf and I love strippers, but you have to be smarter about your debauchery.
The Pink Monkey outing will move on, and now they’ll up the anti. The strip club golf outings in my home town were legendary. Girls spread eagle straddling the hole, 100 topless girls on the course, and more booze than I could imagine were/are common place at these things. A story like this won’t stop stripper outings from happening, but now White Pines will have a revenue gap to fill thanks to their blatant stupidity.