Won’t Stop, Can’t Stop
Back to the show, again…..finally. This week’s SFG award post is for the Whiny Bitch of the Year for 2014. If you’re nominated for the award, you’ve likely done or said something stupid and deserve the nod. Sadly, I only pick one ‘winner’ for it. As with all the Shutters, anyone and everyone that has anything to do with golf is eligible. Last year’s winner was Vijay Singh, and he took home the honor going up against a strong field of Phil Mickelson (tax comments), Sergio (fried chicken comment), and Brandel Chamblee (Tiger Woods comment). Without further adieu, here are the 2014 choices.
The Nominees Are…..
Ian James Poulter, PGA Tour Player – As long as I write this blog and as long as I give out awards like this, IJP will be nominated for it in Ryder Cup years. Poults is the epitome of a guy who’s mouth writes checks his game can’t cash. He blabs on Twitter about winning the Ryder Cup, but then when his followers point out that he has no actual hardware in his own trophy case he goes nuts. He can’t defend his record (or lack thereof) anymore, and his Ryder Cup showing this year was pretty forgetful in itself. What did he do to help the team? Nothing. Poulter had a shit 2014 to boot, but he freely admits that.
The main reason he’s nominated is for the dust up he started with Hideki Matsuyama at Doral over a reported damaged green. Remember that?
IJP talked all kinds of shit about HM after the incident even though he never really saw it. Then when footage of the incident did surface we all realized that Ian was being the drama queen he loves to be. Of course his threat to Matsuyama was as empty as his trophy case.
And just when the thought your 2014 was going to end without more Poulter bullshit, he’s now released a biography that is available for purchase at all major book retail sites. What the fuck? Shouldn’t you matter more to your profession before you have a book deal?
No one has got more mileage out of three magical days as Medinah than IJP has. He’s won 1 tournament in the last 4 years and has never won a stroke play event on American soil. It is put up or shut up time, Mr. Poulter. I vote for ‘shut up’.
Caroline Wozniacki, Tennis Tour Pro and Former Fiance of Rory McIlroy – Maybe I’m too hard on Caroline. Okay, I know I am. But any chick that gets dumped and wants to be as public about some of the break up’s aspects as Ms. W. has needs to be nominated for an award like this. First off, if you ask me, she deserved to get dropped like a hand grenade the second she died her hair pink at the Masters. The way she got dumped, I mean, having her future nuptials cancelled…..over the phone? Harsh stuff, but I don’t think she should have taken to Twitter, talk shows, and other media to air the dirty laundry.
She was looking for sympathy, and she isn’t getting any from me. The whiny-ness of her behavior made her a strong candidate, but then she took some shots at Rors, his height, and (supposedly) tried to curse him. Bat. Shit. Crazy. And a sure way to find yourself on the SFG nominee list for this dreaded award.
Gerry “Bubba” Watson, current Masters Champion – Bubba won the Masters, and if he did nothing but miss the cut in every other tournament and go home quietly you’d still say he had a great year. But that’s now how Gerry Watson works. Gerry bitched and complained to caddie Ted Scott and even blamed him for some troubles in Phoenix this year when things didn’t go his way. Wayward shots, not my fault, I didn’t hit them! Decelerate on the putt and make a fidgety stroke, #blameted. All should have been forgiven after he took his 2nd green jacket in April, but that seemed to only make his behavior more bizarre.
He complained about Sawgrass like he does every year. He complained about the U.S. Open like he does every year. Then he got to the PGA and lost his fucking mind. The rain, the rain in which every other player in the field is playing in, made him lose his shit. The audio on the vine above says it all. Once the media started making a bigger issue of Bubba’s antics he went to Twitter to apologize but that was too little, too late in my opinion. Those who follow the tour closely already knew what Bubba was. Now he’s been exposed to the masses. It will be interesting to see how he tries to rehab his reputation in 2015, if he attempts to do so at all.
Phil Mickelson, PGA Tour Superstar – Huh? Say what? That’s probably what you’re thinking after seeing Phil nominated. FIGJAM stayed out of the headlines for most of 2014 after sticking his foot in his mouth plenty of times in 2013. Then, just when things seemed clear and calm for Bitch Tits, the Ryder Cup happened and Tom Watson sat him down for the entire 36 holes of Saturday. That was an obvious mistake by the Captain. Phil had every right to be pissed. His opinion on the matter and how Watson captained the team was/is dead on. They way he aired his opinion is what makes him a nominee to take the Whiny Bitch award.
Phil could have said what he said only to the PGA of America brass that matters. He’d still be on the task force that has been assembled and he wouldn’t have caused a riff or thrown his captain under the bus like he did. There was no reason to say what he said when he said it other than to make Watson look foolish. There was malice there. While we love it when Phil speaks his mind, this wasn’t the time or place for it, and it’s the one reason he’s featured in this post right now.
And The Winner Is……
This one is tough. I’d love to give it right to Ian Poulter and drop the mic, but this isn’t an open and shut case. Poulter deserves it because he’s so god damn annoying. His biography lifts him above all the other candidates, but I think there’s a nominee with a stronger case. Phil, no….he’s not getting this award for his bad timing. Caroline? Nope. She’s been kicked enough this year. I’m giving the Shutter for Golf’s Whiny Bitch of the Year to Gerry “Bubba” Watson.
Watson’s case takes the cake because not only was he a whiny bitch almost all year, but he did so as a hypocrite to the highest degree. He’s churchy and gives credit to god for everything, then curses and swears and blames others for all of his faults. He rarely takes responsibility for his mistakes and poor play. He’s losing fans by the truck load because of this shit. Now he’s the SFG Whiny Bitch of the Year. Congrats(?) Bubs.
What do you think? Did I overlook someone, should Poulter have won instead of Bubba?Per usual, your chance to disagree with me is now. Hit the poll or leave a comment, or both.