I’ll Go To My Death Bed Saying It Was The Pink Hair
Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the last 24 hours you probably already know that Rory McIlroy broke off his pending nuptials to Caroline Wozniacki. Rors made this information public in a press release and then gave a little extra insight into his decision during his pre-tournament presser at Wentworth before the Euro Tour’s BMW PGA Championship. The short of it is, he saw the invitations being sent out over the previous weekend and it hit him that he didn’t want to be married. I should say the fuck not!!!
During the Masters I said he should dump her just for the pink hair thing. That was atrocious and she knew it, why else would she change it 4 days later? I just didn’t think he had the stones to actually cut her loose. I don’t think shes’ attractive and I’ve made that perfectly clear on this site. Still, that’s not why I think Rory made the right call. No 25 year old male with $200 million in the bank should be married, period, and I don’t think I have to state all the reasons why.
The beneficiary of this is Rory’s golf game, golf fans, and the big $woosh corporation. Somewhere in Oregon, Phil Knight just pulled his tongue out of a hooker’s ass to do a celebratory line of coke because his titanic investment in the young mick might just pay off now. Rory is going to start winning and its going to happen soon…..likely in bunches. He’s looking for an escape from this sad part of his life and golf is going to be his sanctuary. He’s already said as much. He might just start his winning ways this week as he shot 68 in round 1 in England today. Keep him away from Sergio and he’ll be more than fine.
Are Dustin And Gary Next?
While I say no 25 year old with Rory’s money should get married, I tend to look the other way when a guy is sniffing 30 and he’s marrying into Canadian royalty. Dustin Johnson’s game doesn’t seem to be impacted by his relationship with Paulina Gretzky. He doesn’t seem distracted by planning a wedding (he says she’s doing it all and just gives him the details he needs to know) and he’s certainly plowed through enough young Coastal Carolina co-eds in his years that he could be ready to settle down.
And then there’s that. He’s marrying that….a total 180 from the homely Polish girl Rory was going to be looking at for the eternity of his death sentence.
Ok, I’ll stop. I don’t want you sick fucks to get work boners and start fapping at your desk, get fired, and then sue me for damages. BTW, DJ was back in business and showing life on a leaderboard for the first time in forever by shooting a 1st round 65 at Colonial to take the overnight lead. Paulina being in his life seems to agree with him. And you’ve seen enough of her to get the idea that this one is going the distance….well…..at least to the alter. After that all bets are off.
Gary Woodland is also engaged right now. I know, what’s with these fuckers? World by the balls and they’re all jumping off cliffs to get married. Don’t fret, it looks like Gary did alright for himself too. Meet his fiance, Gabby Granado. She appears to be a lovely young lady.
Well, there you go, Gary. She’ll do just fine. You have my approval and my blessing. Gabby and Paulina are prime candidates for the ShutFaceGolf.com WAG of the month. The winners on tour in May just don’t have the WAGs worthy of the honor. Brendon Todd’s wife is preggers (we think). JB Holmes wife…..well, I’ll be nice. And Martin Kaymer is WAG-less due to a lifestyle choice. If we don’t get a winner with a worthy WAG at Colonial anyone accessing this site might be starring at a picture of Miguel Jimenez’ new bride for the month of June. Que horrible!