Random Thoughts: $woosh Color Schemes, Speed Police, & Crane’s Near Double Eagle

Color Blind In Dubai

Like most golf fans in North America, I woke up Friday morning to turn on golf in Dubai to see Tiger and Rory continue their $woosh orgy in the desert. For the 2nd day in a row, I was alarmed to see how Nike had thrown together shirt/trouser/shoe combos for the biggest starts in their stable. Did I lose you? Take a look at both. Here’s Tiger:

The shirt, pretty good, simple and I quite like the green on the sleeve. The pants, they work, also simple with no distractions. That’s all fine, but why the fuck does have red on his shoes? That’s awful. I know Nike makes them that way because Tiger wears red on Sundays and all that other bullshit, but there’s no reason for him not to have a cleaner looking black-only pair to wear for rounds that aren’t played on Sunday. The red in the shoes kills the look.

Now Rory from Thursday:

You can call the electric blue ‘faggy’ if you want. It doesn’t bother me. Golfer’s can go crazy with whatever they wear for the most part, as long as it all works for them. What doesn’t work again here is the fact that his shoes have neon green around the soles. Uhhhh???? If you do that as a weekend hack you get a pass. I can’t expect you to have 26 pairs of shoes at your disposal. This is a $250,000,000 man and Tiger Mother Fucking Woods. They can’t get more shoe options? They have to dress like hacks?

When Rory signed with $woosh last year he did so because he wanted a cleaner look with fewer logos, etc. Neon green shoes with electric blue isn’t accomplishing that. Either Rory and Tiger get dressed in the dark or Nike is asleep at the wheel. In more important news, Tiger hacked it around again on Friday to the tune of a 73. He trails Rory by 8 shots. Rors is still leading, but only managed to card a 70 due to a bout with bad take out food from his Thursday evening dinner.

He’s Jones’n

At last fall’s BMW Championship in Chicago Matt Jones missed a short putt in the final round which would have clinched him a spot in the Tour Championship at East Lake. Qualifying for the weekend in Atlanta would have also meant an exemption into the 2014 Masters. As of today Jones wouldn’t be playing in Augusta come April. However, he is tied for the lead at the Waste(d) Management Open through 36 holes. A victory in Scottsdale would make up for missing out on East Lake by sending him to the Masters.


That’s Jones above with his wife Melissa. I’ve showed her before. She’s hot with big tits. What else can we ask for? She’s just another reason we’re rooting for Jones to beat Bubba this weekend. Nothing against Bubba. I’d just like to see Matt make the field at Augusta while simultaneously ogling his wife as she runs out on the 18th green to (mouth) hug him when he wins.

Mrs. Jones was involved in a pilot reality show that was supposed to give viewers a glimpse of the real lives of PGA Tour pro wives. For some reason that hasn’t aired to date. What else should we know about her? Only that she was Miss Idaho 2009 and represented the Potato State in the Miss USA pageant. Some more fap pics for you below, sick bastards.

She’s got a great set of potatoes on her. God bless Idaho.

Fuck You Finchem!

In other Scottsdale news, Robert Garrigus continues make himself a fan favorite for all the right reasons. Last year the caddie races at the 16th hole were so much fun that Tim Finchem decided to ban them, or at least that is how it feels. The PGA Tour brass cited that the races were dangerous and that they would be banned to protect the caddies.

When Robert Garrigus and Morgan Hoffman got to the tee at the raucous par 3 in round 2 they decided to throw the tour a curve ball. Garrigus came up with the idea a few holes prior. What he proposed was that the two players race to the green, after all, there was no tour policy banning player races. Garrigus went on to make birdie thanks to promptly rolling in his putt after catching his breath. The irony of the situation is that Garrigus’ caddie was the one that tripped over himself last year to send Bob’s gear flying about. That episode is credited for grabbing the tour’s attention to put the kabash on caddie fun.

Rare Birds

I suppose a crane isn’t that rare of a bird, but an albatross surely is. In golf, an albatross is the term used for a double eagle because those are also very rare. Today in Scottsdale Ben Crane nearly holed out for an ace at the 332 yard par four 17th. Take a peak:

If that had gone in I’d bet my house that Crane would have done that flapping bird motion from the tee all the way to the hole. The 17th at Scottsdale is the only par four that has ever been aced in the history of the PGA Tour. That ace occurred in 2001 when Andrew Magee slammed his tee shot against the pin and it dropped. Hopefully this effort from Crane doesn’t lead to another dreadful Youtube video from him.

Ball Speed Indeed

Fifteen days ago the interwebs started going crazy about the still shots of Paulina Gretzky in a Taylormade Golf commercial. Late yesterday that commercial was finally released and shown on television. I love the fact that she’s in a golf ad that focuses on ‘ball speed’.

She’s hardly noticeable! I know I first stated that this was a cheap tactic by TMG to use her, but if you’re going to do it, don’t you have to give her 10 seconds of face/ass/tit time at a minimum? Maybe this was TMG’s way of appeasing a request from Dustin. He gets her on TV, she gives him morning BJ’s, Ellie Day style, for a week…..yeah, that’s probably how that went down.

This entry was posted in Style, Tour Talk, WAGS and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Random Thoughts: $woosh Color Schemes, Speed Police, & Crane’s Near Double Eagle

  1. Pingback: NSFW Deion On Tape, Kate Upton Super Bowl Dance & Super Bowl Drinking Game

  2. Pingback: Jones’n For Augusta, Kooch Chokes: Final Thoughts On Houston |

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s