National Lampoon’s Middle Eastern Vacation
If looking at Phil Mickelson doesn’t conjure up visions of Clark Griswold for you, well, I can’t help you even though I’ve tried before. Phillip is such a family man that when I hear he is starting his 2014 golf season in the middle east I can’t help but picture him playing the role of ‘Clark’ in another vacation movie classic (Amy would be a huge upgrade from what Beverly D’Angelo has become too).
I digress. As you’ve now figured out, this week Phil is playing at the HSBC Championship in Abu Dhabi (yes, the place with the big bird for a clubhouse). When you’re a star in professional golf, you are paid quite handsomely to show up at tournaments like this and pose for goofy photo ops with important people wearing bath robes.
In Bitch Tit’s pre-tourney presser he told the media that he’s put a driver back in his bag and it’s the new Big Bertha Alpha from Callaway Golf.
Phil spun yarns about how well he’s driven the ball in the few months he’s had off and if this keeps up, 2014 could be a career year for him. “Blah blah blah, I’m a good company guy shilling their new product, blah blah blah…” Who the fuck doesn’t drive it great with no pressure on them? All that being said, I’ll have Phil under a microscope this week as I watch the Tiger-less action in Abu Dhabi. I don’t expect him to play well and win, but I do want to see if his driver backs up what he said about it.
That’s for Rory McIlroy. No, it has nothing to do with him and his fiance Caroline. One year ago in Abu Dhabi Rory and the $woosh factory announced that they’d jumped in bed together to the tune of about $250 million. One win and a bunch of disappointment later and here we are. Congrats to the happy couple for lasting this long. With that much money as stake it likely means this marriage will last a long time, even if it isn’t a happy one.
While I don’t think we can take much from anything Phil does this week in the Middle East, I do think the state of Rory’s game and how his 2014 will play out could be on full display. Is he still distracted? Does his equipment still suck? Pay attention and we’ll see. He did stumble in to a win with his last start in Australia thanks to Adam Scott. We also know that Nike finally put a ball in his hands that he’s comfortable with. What’s next is a total fucking crap shoot. He could dominate the course and the field while winning by 10. Or he could miss the cut like he did last year.
Sergio’s Girlfriend Won’t Clean His Shaft And Carry His Sack Anymore
I know, I know….more Sergio, the last guy you want to read about. Garcia is also in the field in Abu Dhabi this week. Why is this news? It’s not. The fact that he’s back with his normal caddie is the big news. In December El Nino won in Thailand with his new German girlfriend on the bag. I don’t even remember her name, but she looks like this:
Sergio indicated that she’s no longer his employee, but that’s her doing, not his. That’s a wise move on her part. While she’s a former collegiate golfer that can handle his load, errr…..I mean, the load of his bag, I’m sure she’d rather do other things in life than carry a tour bag around the world.
Garcia was also part of a public relations event for the HSBC Championship that sent him, Luke Donald, and Paul Casey around a track in race cars. Here’s a tweet from Steve Elling that captured the PR stunt perfectly.