Holly’s Headlights, Fed Ex Scenarios, and Goose Shit Stymie: It’s Another Edition Of Hump Day Musings

Brrrrr……It’s Always Cold In Tampa

If you’re a regular reader of my filth you know that the site always has an interest in what the Golf Channel’s Holly Sonders is wearing, doing, and fucking. The Ohio girl with bolt-on tits and a Big Ten education has become a star of the golf world over the last 15 months. When you’re a star, you’re asked to do fun things like cut ribbons, go on talk shows, appear on magazine covers, and throw out 1st pitches at baseball games. Earlier this week, the Tampa Rays had Holly come to their stadium for such an occasion. She didn’t disappoint.

Holly Sonders Diamond Cutters

To the brilliant man that turned the air conditioning up high for batting practice, we thank you, sir. Job well done.

After tweeting about how she didn’t think she’d be able to throw it over the plate, Holly threw a curve ball to all of us by hitting a pitch to start the game. Yes, she used her wedge to lob one at the plate. How cute. Seems as though someone told her she needed a 2nd layer over the lovely ladies when she took the mound.

BUUq5rKCIAArmer

A Calculator, A Few Algorithms, And An Asian Kid

That’s what you need have at your disposal to keep track of every single scenario that can play out when the field of 30 tees it up at East Lake this weekend in the Tour Championship. Since you probably won’t have that, you’ll just have to trust what Steve Sands is telling you during the broadcast.

Because Tiger didn’t win any of the first 3 Fed Ex Cup Playoff events this year, this thing is still wide open. If you ask me, there’s really no reason to even try to figure out all the ifs/thens, but somebody went ahead and did it anyway.

Scenarios to win the FedExCup
No. 1 Tiger Woods
• If he wins the TOUR Championship he wins the Cup
• Has a reasonable chance of winning with a top-5 finish
• Can finish as low as 29th and still have a mathematical chance of winning
No. 2 Henrik Stenson
• If he wins the TOUR Championship he wins the Cup
• Has a reasonable chance of winning with a top-3 finish
• Can finish as low as a 2-way tie for 6th and still have a mathematical chance of winning
No. 3 Adam Scott
• If he wins the TOUR Championship, he wins the Cup
• Has a reasonable chance of winning with a 2nd-place finish
• Can finish as low as T-4th and still have a mathematical chance of winning
No. 4 Zach Johnson
• If he wins the TOUR Championship, he wins the Cup
• Has a reasonable chance of winning with a 2nd-place finish
• Can finish as low as T-3rd and still have a mathematical chance of winning
No. 5 Matt Kuchar
• If he wins the TOUR Championship, he wins the Cup
• Can finish as low as a two-way tie for 2nd and still have a mathematical chance of winning

Alright, I’m cutting that shit off right there. If you really want to know them all, hit the link below to the scenarios provided by PGATour.com. Can I get $10 on DJ to win with 500 to 1 odds?

http://www.pgatour.com/news/2013/09/16/scenarios–what-the-final-30-need-to-win-the-fedexcup.html

Retirement Funds

On Wednesday in a practice round Phil Mickelson rounded up a few of his pals for his usual money game. Bitch Tits and Keegan took on Steve Stricker and new blood Jordan Spieth. This was Spieth’s first go around in the FIGJAM game. He and Strick came out on top, but not because of anything Jordan did. Fuck….Jordan probably didn’t even have to show up.

The semi-retired Stricker made 7 birdies and an eagle at East Lake to claim victory. I hope Phil pressed after every hole he lost just to help pad Steve’s IRA. When Phil wins his practice round money games, does he report that income to the IRS on his tax return?

Rumors are swirling now that this was some type of Presidents Cup pod and Stricker is being cast as a possible partner for Jordan Spieth at Muirfield Village in 2 weeks. I can see that, but Jordan has the temperament and game to play with anyone, just don’t bet on he and TW hooking up.

Terd Time

I have no clue who Cory Kaufman is, but he’s got my kind of sense of humor. Here’s a ‘how to’ from Mr. Kaufman that tells you how to handle goose shit on the green.

One hundred years ago, that’s how you putted over your opponent’s ball when it came to rest between yours and the hole. It was called stymie. Of course the rules changed and now the closer player just marks their ball. If you can’t pull it off, just use your buddy’s putter or towel to move the shit. Thanks to reader Steve for passing this video along.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Tour Talk, WAGS and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Holly’s Headlights, Fed Ex Scenarios, and Goose Shit Stymie: It’s Another Edition Of Hump Day Musings

  1. Billy Batts says:

    Got any profile shots of Holly in that yellow tank top? I loved the goose shit video, we don’t have goose shit in Hawaii but lots of peacock and turkey shit on the greens.

  2. Jason says:

    Tampa Rays? Are you a total idiot?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s