Tiger’s Stiffy, Lady Liberty Porn, & Ben Crane’s Latest Nerd Video: Hump Day Musings

No Back Can Support The Weight Of Lindsey Vonn

The Fed Ex Cup Playoffs are finally here, and that means the tour tees it up in New Jersey this week at the Barclays hosted by Liberty National. Playoff time also means Tiger time, for likely the next four weeks, unless of course he injures himself again. When TW talked to the media today he lamented to them about how he was forced to hit shots on the back nine of his pro-am round at less than 100% speed because his back was stiff. We didn’t need a reminder, but this confirms it, Tiger Woods is no longer a spring chicken.

Tiger Woods might be bummed about his back but he's fine with his season. (USATSI)

When asked about his ailing back Tiger blamed a soft bed at his hotel for a bad night sleep from which he awoke with stiffness. Really? It’s the bed’s fault? Come on. I’m sure TW isn’t slumming it at the by-the-hour shack near the Holland Tunnel (although, perhaps he’s heard about the hooker to John ratio in that area and was intrigued). Any high end luxury hotel Tiger is staying at has beds fit for kings. The most likely cause of his stiffness is Shamu the Whale girlfriend Lindsey Vonn bouncing on top of him for a few romps in the night. That’s a lot of weight and pressure for any man’s back. Hopefully, for our entertainment and enjoyment, Tiger can go all four rounds in New Jersey and all four weeks of the playoffs.

As for Vonn, how the fuck did I miss this? Apparently back in 2010 ESPN The Magazine did a movie tribute issue with Vonn on the cover imitating Sharon Stone’s character from Basic Instinct. She goes on to tell the camera how her (then) husband came up with the idea. Here’s the behind the scenes video from 3 years ago:

Lipstick on a pig.

CBS Will Likely Lead Into The Weekend With An Upskirt Shot

When the Barclays was designated as the lead-off hitter of the Fed Ex Cup Playoffs the tour and title sponsor set out on a mission to find a course or courses to play host to such an event. For years the New York metro tour stop had a home at Westchester Country Club. As great of a course as it was, the tour outgrew it and sought out a brighter and shinier new toy. They thought they found it when Tom Kite and Bob Cupp designed Liberty National on the New Jersey side of the Hudson River. The course debuted to the tour in 2009 and CBS sold it to us as pure golf porn.

Views of the NYC skyline in the background while the tournament was shown brought in viewers and had Nantz, McCord, and the others at CBS raving about the venue. Watching on television you’d think the golf course was actually on Liberty Island. The Statue of Liberty was shown at a minimum of 2o times per our of coverage. It looked and sounded too good to be true. It was. The problem? The players fucking hated the place. They even torched fellow pro Tom Kite for his hand in the design. My favorite Kite zing came from Tiger Woods, he said “maybe Tom did this course before his eye operation”. Ouch.

In the fours years since it debuted, Kite and Cupp have tweaked the course in several aspects and the players have responded with slightly more positive reviews, but not raving. Seeking redemption, Kite and Cupp have been on site this week to talk to the players. Both architects admitted that the layout wasn’t perfect the first time around and that even though the vistas and scenery are one-of-a-kind, the playability of the course was not what they had intended.

Kudos to them for owning their mistakes, but no matter what they do this course will never be a player favorite. Sure, they’re saying the right things this time around but wouldn’t you expect that after some coaching from the tour? I’m sure there was a memo in their lockers when they arrived this week to say nice things about the course. That’s good business. I’ll be listening closely during TGC and CBS telecasts this week to see how they spin the tweaks to the course and the player reviews. Let’s be honest, take away the river, the city, and Lady Liberty and the course isn’t hosting shit.

Revenge of the Nerd

When the last putt fell at the Wyndham Championship on Sunday the PGA Tour bubble burst for any player on the outside of the top 125 on the money list. That means, players 126 and above are out of the playoffs and now have to fight for their tour livelihood and playing privileges next year. Remember, the 2014 season starts in the fall of 2013 now and there is no Q-School.

Who’s the player sitting in the 125th spot? Everybody’s favorite golf nerd, Ben Crane. Crane has had a shitty year, but having survived the year on the right side of the 125 number, he can now breath easily. Of course the man known for making funny videos about himself, his game, and his exercise regimen had something to say about it via YouTube:

I’d like to go on record and say that I don’t endorse this behavior. Yes, Crane is an entertainer of sorts, but it is my opinion that he’s banking on having these videos and skits define him and help him venture into a television role of sorts once he can no longer hack it as a player. Is that a smart tactic? Yes, absolutely, I just don’t find him likable enough to want to see him as a commentator or course reporter in the future. There’s a shit load of money to be made on tour. He’s already won out there. Why not keep your eye on the prize and cut out the silly shit? Easy for me to say as the guy with a silly blog……

More Nerd Golf

With four weeks left in the current PGA Tour season, fantasy golf pick’ems are heating up (or cooling off for those out of contention moving on to football). I have saved Brandt Snedeker, Dustin Johnson, Rory McIlroy, Keegan Bradley and Bill Haas for these events. They’ve all won Fed Ex events in recent years, save Keegan, and seem to play well in August and early September. The problem? I still have red hot Henrik Stenson that I should use. Stenson hasn’t finished out of the top 4 in forever. I have to use him, don’t I?

Dustin Johnson is also part of the problem. He’s tweeting how much he loves Liberty National. He finished 15th there in 2009. It seems like getting engaged got a monkey off his back and might clear his mind to play well. On the other hand, it could be a huge distraction for him. Picks lock in a few hours, so I’ll only change my pick from Johnson to Stenson a good dozen times before the first ball leaves a tee.

Who would you pick? Leave a comment, let me know.

An Empire State Of Mind

With the tour in town the stars of it are making the most of their commercial appeal by doing some public relations for their sponsor and various other organizations. Ian Poulter worked a Fed Ex store today. Phil Mickelson has polished nobs of…..errrrr…..I mean….. hob-nobbed with every Barclays client he can find. And Rickie Fowler….. …well……he was busy matching his outfits to a tourist attraction.

Yup, he turned the lights on at the Empire State Building earlier this week. Of course, the lights made the top of the building blue with a lower white area below, just like Rick’s outfit. How fucking cute.

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3 Responses to Tiger’s Stiffy, Lady Liberty Porn, & Ben Crane’s Latest Nerd Video: Hump Day Musings

  1. Tee-biz says:

    Redshirt had to come up with a new excuse…. speed of greens was getting stale.

  2. cannuck says:

    LV is hot and u know it!

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