Slightly Amusing, But Mostly Painful

Slightly amusing, but mostly painful……that’s how Andrew Dice Clay referred to masturbation with a cheese grader. And that’s about what these random Friday night musings of mine are going to be like tonight. The reality is, it’s cold where I live, I haven’t golfed in two weeks, and I gotta get “FIGJAM” (Fuck I’m God Just Ask Me, tour player nickname for Phil) off my front page or his shit eating smirk will ruin my weekend. Get ready for random thoughts, inspired by Mexican beer, coming at you.

– DICE

SKATER SHOES

Remember Spicoli from Fast Times At Ridgemont High and those doofus skater Vans he wore on his feet? I’m sure you do, and so do the wizards at Kikkor Golf that game up with these beauties:

Men's Slyder - Vancouver Skyline

BARF. Just not my taste or style. However, there’s a big world out there and I’m sure somebody will love these, like that prepubescent Red Bull chugging idiot that mows your lawn once a week. It sounds like Kikkor had a fairly successful coming out party at the PGA Show in Orlando. Their ad is floating around the interwebs, it is fairly humorous and starting to go viral.

Yes, the dick-out, urban legend to most, harsh reality to some. Great work to come up with the idea for this ad, but can it even air in the U.S.? I can’t see CBS picking that one up for Masters’ Sunday. Hopefully it does well in the U.K. on the BBC telecasts or whatever they show the Euro tour on across the pond.

MEANWHILE IN SAN DIEGO

Phil sloshed his way to a better day in the rain, Fowler fought off the double hockey sticks he posted yesterday to make the cut, mother nature is winning again, and the media claims Tiger is baaaaaack. HE IS FUCKING BAAAAAAAACK.

Spare me. He won 3 times last year and none of those victories came on the 4 Sundays that matter to him. He’ll tell us when he’s back, he’ll tell us loud and clear, and his major total with be +1 from where it is today. Tiger also got the best end of the draw by playing the South in easier conditions yesterday and the North in the most benign conditions of today. For Phil, great news, he gets to pay some more taxes by making the weekend. For Rickie, that’s pretty impressive for you to lower your score by 12 less than 24 hours after shooting 77 no matter how much easier the North was. I’m sure Farmers, his sponsor and tournament host, is pleased to have him around on the weekend. For the tour, yuck, they need this shit weather to roll through so everyone stuck in the snow belt can tune in for the warm and fuzzy weather this weekend. Tiger and sunny shots of hang gliders, beaches, and  cliffs is a ratings orgasm for CBS and the tour.

Also of note, with limited coverage before TGC kicks in at 3 pm EST the last two days, the golf journos typically live tweet updates on Tiger, Phil, amazing shots, etc. during the pre-TV action. The tour put the kabosh on that yesterday saying they’d yank credentials of the perps doing the tweeting. Fuck you Finchem. We want info and we want it now. The NBA and NFL encourage tweets during their all-star games. #bassackwards

This post has been edited after second thoughts on content being posted. Somehow my moral compass swung from due south to due north in 20 minutes time. Weird. Enjoy the Farmers. 

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