The Ryder Cup Sucks When Your Team Loses

You Get What You Deserve For Wearing Red Pants

Forgive me for being a little out of the loop over the last three days. Life in the ShutFace household is full of change and I was in Wisconsin all weekend playing golf on some major courses. Of course, if you follow me on the Twitter you already know that. More on these topics later when life gets a little more normal again. In the meantime, let’s talk Ryder Cup, if only briefly.

Unless you too were also playing 72 holes over the weekend, you already know what happened in the Ryder Cup. You probably watched more of it than I did. The short story is that the United States team lost as expected, and it really wasn’t close. Patrick Reed had a breakout – dare I say ‘top 5′ performance, Phil took a swing at Tom Watson (verbally), and Europe looks as unbeatable as ever. Maybe if the Americans weren’t too busy playing grab ass like they are in this picture they’d be able to focus on golf.

Hunter Mahan

Did they have to do that after losing a bet to someone on the Euro team…..I dunno. Either way fuck them, these two are both top 10 players in the world right now and they nabbed a whole 1.5 points between them. Those points were largely due to Rick getting three halves thanks to his partner, Jimmy Walker, carrying Fowler across the finish line.

I’m With FIGJAM

The big news after the Euro’s kicked American ass was what Phil Mickelson said in the post-cup presser. Phil questioned why the U.S. ever went away from the pod strategy used by Paul Azinger in 2008. That’s fair enough. I could question a lot more about what Watson did. Like why did Patrick Reed and Jordan Spieth sit on day one when they were the hottest to players on the course? Both said they were shocked with Watson’s decision to sit them and that they did their best to change his mind, to no avail.

Then Watson sat Phil Mickelson and Keegan Bradley all fucking day on Saturday during team matches. What?!? How can you do that? The two are nearly unbeatable together and especially in the four ball format. If you want to sit them for foursomes because Phil can’t find a fairway, fine. He could use the rest for Sunday. To not play them and to give no acceptable reason for it is asinine. Yet Jim Furyk plays 4 times? Watson looked like a senile old man when trying to justify any of his decisions to the press……and don’t even get me started on picking Webb Simpson.

Watson’s ideas for fourball teammates were the reasons the U.S. got lambasted in the first place. @NoLayingUp’s tweet shown here sums it up perfectly.

I certainly couldn’t have said that any better. What we know for sure is that something has to change for the U.S. First, don’t let PGA Prez Ted Bishop have all the control he seems to have. He’s not getting it right. Let someone with some fresh ideas take charge. Second, change when captain’s picks are made. Take the hotter players and don’t make an arbitrary date for the cutoff. And third, make sure the next captain actually cares about winning. We’ve had a decade or so of guys playing in these that are not gutsy winners. If anything they’re chokers. And now they’re all primed to become captains. Please no, no Stricker, no Furyk, no old guys from the Champions Tour. Let Phil put his money where his mouth is, or just take Zinger or Couples again. They’re proven pricks………errrrrr picks.

Reed Breaks Out

If there was any good that came from losing these exhibition matches it was seeing Patrick Reed look like he was ready to take on the world all by himself. Reed of course backed that up by going 4-0 in the matches. Earlier in the year when Pat and Jimmy Walker were playing so well I questioned both of them as for how they could contribute to the Ryder Cup and likely called them some derogatory word to indicate that I didn’t think they should be on the U.S. team. So of course they turn out to be the most reliable dudes on the squad. I’ve been critical of Reed, and his play has been awful since April (likely due to his child being born), but his perfect record and crowd interaction has won me over.

That will make you public enemy number 1 in Europe for a long time. I love it, obviously, even if he is wearing red trousers.

Party Time

What do you do when you win the cup for your country/continent? You get fucked up, and Rory couldn’t wait to get started.

This Vine has lead to a good 456 premature ejaculation jokes being made around the interwebs. That seems fitting after his talk about how he’d be a virgin without golf only last week. Rors and his ‘mates got all hopped up after the big win and then things god weird.

Rory McIlroy

I guess he lost the same bet as Bubba and Rick.

 

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Random Shit: Ryder Cup Day 1

I’ll Be Brief

I came across this photo in the lull between the day 1 sessions and just had to post it. First, there’s two hot WAGs in it. And second, the photo bomb is priceless.

Rickie Fowler Jimmy Walker photobomb anchor

That is of course the Furyk’s and the FIGJAM’s with Rickie Fowler and Jimmy Walker photo bombing from behind. Good stuff from Rickie and Jimmy. The goofy look on Phil’s face is priceless too.

Then you have the wives. Amy’s tits look great and Mrs. Furyk looks pretty damn fine for her age too. We all know the answer, and this is rhetorical, but how the fuck did those two dorks score such hot pieces of ass?

A caption contest seems apropos….so let it begin…..

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Left(y) Jab, Rory’s Virginity, And Paulina’s Bastard: Random Shit – Ryder Cup Edition

Phil Loves How His Feet Taste

I thought the talking was done, I thought we were ready to focus on golf……then Phil Mickelson took the podium on Wednesday at Gleneagles. Phil was asked a simple question about team chemistry and how it compares to the Euro’s. His quip response was epic, and it fired a shot across the bow of the opposition in a friendly, tongue-in-cheek, manor. Here’s Phil being Phil:

Mickelson replied: “Well, not only are we able to play together, we also don’t litigate against each other. And that’s a real plus, I feel, heading into this week.”

What he’s alluding to is the fact that Rory McIlroy filed suit against his former management company, of which teammate Graeme McDowell is a part of. GMac has said often that he’s not directly named in the suit. What he means by that is, “keep me out of it”. I think this legal action has been over blown. The real reason Rors and GMac have had a falling out is their changes in lifestyle. Rory is world number 1, GMac just had a kid. They’re not exactly at the same points in their lives these days.

As for what Phil said, it’s great. He loves to needle everyone and no one is off limits. He also owed Rory one for the comments he had during the Fed Ex race about Phil being on his last holes of his career. I’m sure he expects a Euro to have a witty comeback about him being investigated for insider trading. He’s a big boy, he can take it. Good for Bitch Tits for adding some flavor to these boring pressers in the first place.

Drink Until The American Team Looks Better

The boys of @NoLayingUp are going all in this week for the Ryder Cup. Would you expect anything else? If you’re not following them, you need to get on the Tweeter and do so. There’s so much activity from the handle that I’ve come to picture it being run by an outfit similar to the Keebler elves, sans the cookies. Today the boys released their Ryder Cup bingo cards for you to play along with during the telecasts this weekend.

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Bingo probably isn’t your thing, and that’s fine. It isn’t mine either. What this is perfect for is the Ryder Cup drinking game. With the matches beginning in the middle of the night, playing this when you get home from the bar over the next 3 evenings seems like the perfect night cap. You won’t remember what you watched, but you’ll certainly enjoy it more. Play at your own risk.

The Tiger And Rory Virgin Club

Another juicy fable dropping out of the Ryder Cup week at Gleneagles is this nugget that was divulged during Rory McIlroy’s documentary being produced by the BBC. Rors told producers that he thinks he’d still be a virgin if it wasn’t for golf. Well, no shit. Unless he found some other way to make $250 million, who’s fucking a freckle faced mick with that mop top? Maybe virgin is a little harsh. He could have fucked a fatty. Golf is simply the avenue that allowed him to become rich and famous. No one is fucking golfers because of what they do on the course. They’re fucking them because of the size of the checks that are given out on Sunday.

Tiger would be in the same boat and probably more of a nerd than Rory was before he became rich and famous due to golf. His college teammates called him Urkel for crying out loud. We can’t be surprised by what Rory said because it isn’t far from the truth. We should appreciate his honesty and the fact that he is humble enough to realize how good he has it (swimming in constant hot poontang).

Dustin Johnson’s Banner Year Continues

Paulina Gretzky is a fame whore. When she became a bit more recluse on her Instagram and Twitter accounts of late we should have known something was up. I sort of assumed she had realized that taking slutty pictures of yourself at various parties wasn’t something her father approved of, that it wasn’t helping Dustin’s coke habit, and it had an impact on her pending nuptials. Instead, this morning she made it quite clear what she’s been up to in her silence.

Of course. She’s preggers! How did I not see that coming? For DJ this is basically an anchor baby. Not that he was going anywhere or doesn’t have his own money, but now he and his kid have Gretzky money for good. Even if he and Paulina never get married, he’s set. The pregnancy also puts a cap on his brilliant year. Engaged, drug suspension, wedding delayed, and now a bastard child. You are going places, Mr. Johnson.

Am I the only one that sees the irony of the timing of this announcement? DJ should be at Gleneagles right now headed to the Gala Dinner with his baby momma and their bump. This was intentional, but I haven’t quite connected all the dots here yet. With DJ, it’s probably simply a coincidence as he’s too stupid to know what’s going on in the world around him.

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Hump Day Musings: Ryder Cup Edition

Rory’s New Stick

News broke early in the week that Rory McIlroy was trying a new driver at Gleneagles and was seriously considering using it in his upcoming matches. That sounds like the stupidest thing one could do when you’re already the best driver of the golf ball on the planet. Rors is toying with a prototype from Nike that is a black headed model called the Vapor. He says he can carry it 8 yards further and has more work-ability with it. If he uses it, I won’t be surprised. He’s never been scared of changing on the fly. The big $woosh will of course be thrilled by it.

If I’m Paul McGinely, I’d find the prototype and break it in half then throw it in a pond. Why let Rory put himself under the microscope for such a decision? Remember what Phil did at Oakland Hills in 2004? That was when he switched to all Callaway equipment. He played like shit in the matches that week and he wasn’t even close to being on form. I’m not predicting Rory will do the same, but why take the risk? Try the driver when your entire home continent isn’t putting so much stock in your golf game.

Ted Being Ted

If you read my previous post, or have been on the internet at all looking at golf content for the last 48 hours, you’ve seen Rickie Fowler’s haircut. What you may have missed is PGA of America president, Ted Bishop, copying it to the best of his ability (thinning white hair be damned).

Rickie Fowler

I don’t care what Rick does with his, but Ted following Fowler’s lead is a bit dorky like a soccer dad trying to wear skinny jeans. The Euro press probably agrees. Hell, the Telegraph went as far as to describe Rick’s do as ‘thuggish jingoism’ . Let me guess, you have no fucking clue what that means???? Let me help.

jin·go·ism
ˈjiNGgōˌizəm/
noun

derogatory
  1. extreme patriotism, especially in the form of aggressive or warlike foreign policy.
    synonyms: extreme patriotism,

Derogatory? Who gives a fuck? As Americans we all could/should have been offended by Ian Poulter’s hair a few 100 times over the years. Ted’s cut is simply a ‘jump the shark’ moment. And what exactly does the journalist that wrote this about Fowler want him to do with his hair now that he’s already shaved USA in there? He can’t grow it back. Rickie should point to it after every putt he nails this week. Then once he secures a point he should grab his dick and yell “fuck the queen” (which is not another Poulter reference). There’s your jingoism, cock sucker.

Where Are The WAGs? 

Two days in and no true WAG sightings yet. Of course they’ll show up at the opening ceremonies on Thursday, but golf media outlets shouldn’t wait that long to tell us who made the trip. We know the wives, they’re staples. Who came with the unmarried players? We know that Jordan Spieth stole his girlfriend, Annie, away from classes in Lubbock, Texas for a week in Scotland.

She’s alright, but not my type.

So the real mystery is who will show up on Rory’s and Rickie’s arms. In 2010 Rickie was a captain’s pick and he brought Olin Browne’s daughter Alexandra. You know her, she’s the pretty young thing that has recently blossomed before our eyes. I discussed her relationship with Fowler here during the week of the British Open.

Will we see her with RF this week? Don’t count on it. That Insty from her account shown above is recent, like yesterday. I think she’d be en route or already in Scotland if she was showing up. I’m guessing Rick and Martin Kaymer are both flying gay solo at the ceremonies. Which leads us to Rory? My gut says he too shows up alone, or perhaps walks in with GMac who’s wife is likely home with their 3 week old child. That would be cute, especially considering the rumors of strife between those two.

Pick’em

Vegas odds indicate that the United States’ Ryder Cup team is a 2:1 underdog in this thing. That’s fine, as long as you realize that the only reason odds are ever created is to even the money being bet on each side of an outcome. What Vegas is telling us is that the betting public doesn’t get golf. They see no Tiger, Phil playing shitty, and a kid like Rory playing for the other side of the pond and they’re betting against a scrappy group of Americans. I think George Washington and his army were 4:1 in Vegas.

The 2014 Ryder Cup can go either way. Believe that. Home soil means shit this time around because the course was designed by Jack Nicklaus. Team Europe doesn’t know it much better than Team USA. The style of it will be very familiar to the Americans. Now think about motivation. Captain McGinely has stated publicly that he knows the U.S. team is gunning for Rory and Poulter. They’re sick of Poulter’s Ryder Cup heroics, and they want World Number 1’s head on a platter. I think the motivation is heavily in favor of the Americans thanks to this kind of focus.

As for the captains, I think Watson will shit all over McGinely. Add that in with a Nicklaus track that sets up well for Team USA and you can start to smell victory. What will put the away team over the top?  Well……putts have to fall, and they have to fall when matches are in the balance. Skeptics like to talk about the weak links on the American team, but the reality is that they can win this without getting a single point from Patrick Reed. And there’s also the slim chance that Reed goes on a birdie binge and is a Ryder Cup hero. We’ll see.

Put it all together and I’ve got Team USA 15.5 to 12.5, and I think it will be a very exciting exhibition. Everyone will contribute something, even Reed. And they’ll all be chanting USA from a balcony on Sunday evening. What say you?

 

 

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Tour Graduates And Rick’s New ‘Do

I Avoided Panic Attacks With Booze And Pills

There was no PGA Tour golf played this weekend. That thought is hard to fathom, but I muddled through it and you did too. After all, this IS football season! Golf that was played centered around players from the PGA, Web.com and Symetra (ladies) Tours procuring cards that allow them to have membership on the major tours for 2015. On the men’s side, Derek Fathauer won the Web.com finals with with a tidy final round 68 on the course at Sawgrass that isn’t the host of the Players Championship.

The finals for the Web.com Tour is a combination of players that didn’t make the Fed Ex Playoffs on the PGA Tour and other Web.com players that don’t have any status on the big boy tour. The top 50 get PGA Tour status for the upcoming season, but the pecking order differs greatly from number 1 to number 50. In other words, number 50 isn’t going to get into many events that he wants to play.

Heading to the TOUR

Of the lucky 50, you’ll recognize Jason Gore, he of 2005 Pinehurst fame, Heath Slocum (that’s what she said), Sam Saunders (Arnie’s grandson), Colt Knost, Jonathan Byrd, and Tommy “Two Gloves” Gainey. Tommy is joined by another fellow Big Break alum in Tony Finau. Now that their stressful weekend is over, they can probably all take a relaxing shit for the first time in 6 weeks. For the guys that didn’t make the top 50, they’ll have status on the Web.com Tour next year. They’ll be fine. It isn’t as if the queen has ordered them to be beheaded.

Now The Ladies

On the Symetra Tour things are a little bit different than what their counterparts on the men’s side get in terms of cash flow. You can make a damn nice living being in the middle of the pack on the Web.com Tour. For the ladies, if you’re not on the LPGA circuit making cuts, you’re spending more than you’re making. For instance, the 10th place chick on the Symetra money list this year made less than 42k, but at least now she’s earned her way to the big show for 2015. Who is said player? Why it is none other than another Big Break alum, Mallory Blackwelder.

Why do we care about the 10th place Symetra Tour player instead of the other 9 in front of her? Because she’s easy on the eyes and they’re not. The ladies game needs more of these types of players. They don’t grow on trees. Mallory earned her way to the tour fair and square. Now lets hope she stays there so we can see more of her. Speaking of which….here’s more of Ms. Blackwelder.

Mallory is engaged to Graham Deleat’s caddie. She’s also a former Kentucky Wildcat.

I think the horse is starring at her tits. How dare he?

Rickie Stylin’ En Route To Ryder Cup

It is Ryder Cup week!!!!! Fuck yeah!!!!! Team America!!!!!! Hopefully you’re now just as fired up as I am. If not, this clip might help (audio NSFW):

Fuck yeah!!!!!! Does it every time, doesn’t it? I think Rickie Fowler agrees, and I can only assume he watched that video or something similar just before he hit the barber shop this weekend. Take a look:

How patriotic. How heroic. How……fucking stupid does that look? Hey, this is the guy that just gave you the Team America clip. Don’t question my patriotism. Question Rick’s style, as I often do. Good for him, and that’ll probably be right up the alley of his typical fan, but its fucking awful. And you’re not going to be able to see it under his hat anyway. But hey, that might be all it takes to let Sergio and Rory know that you mean business. They’ll shit themselves at the sight of it. Brilliant!

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The Whereabouts Of Anthony Kim Revisited

He’s Not With Drama And Turtle, Last I Checked

In January I wrote about Anthony Kim falling off the face of the golf world in to the unknown. I re-blogged that garbage in May when it was thought AK might reappear at Quail Hollow due to him being a former Wells Fargo champ. Today Alan Shipnuck dropped a doozy on us that is a must read if you care about what Anthony is up to and what lies ahead for him.

I usually don’t promote Alan’s work, but I’m coming around to some of his latest pieces. Last year he was a nominee for the Shutter for Whiny Bitch of the Year. This year, he might avoid that ‘honor’ thanks solely to his under cover work in Dallas strip clubs searching for the buckled one. Check out Alan’s AK piece here.

As for the article on Kim, WOW. The highlights are that he’s basically a fucking yeti, long hair and all. No one really knows what he’s thinking, what he wants to do, or what he’s doing with his time. In the little he does play golf, word is he’s hitting the ball great, but full of self doubt and concern for more injuries. He also stems to make a cool $17 million that is tax free due to an insurance policy if he never hits another shot on the PGA Tour. He has an interesting decision in front of him, and he may just be at peace with the money he’s made, the money coming to him, and the life he has as a wandering playboy.

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No Golf This Week….Fuck That Noise, Its Another Edition Of Hump Day Musings

The Kid Has Timing

Billy Horschel isn’t even 48 hours removed from winning 13 million dollars. He’s finally home, he’s looking forward to some rest after a grinding playoff run, and his wife’s water breaks. Billy announced to his Twitter followers that the couple was off to the hospital last night to prepare for the arrival of daughter, Skylar. As you can see by the tweet below, everything went to plan and the Horschel’s life can’t get much better than it is right now.

Bill later tweeted that the big man upstairs has been pretty good to him lately. No shit? I wouldn’t even know where to start, but I’d be pinching myself in every way possible. As for the timing of the birth, Skylar came about two weeks early. How does this happen? They say labor can be triggered by sexual intercourse. Something tells me the Horschel’s were celebrating a Fed Ex crown the right way and the human body took over from there. Good for them, and congrats again. Mrs. H is making a strong case for the next WAG of the Month thanks to taking a victory romp for the team, giving birth and pressuring Bill to hang in there and win the cup no matter what is happening with her pregnancy.

If Only This Was Due To A Shark Bite

You may recall Funk’s spot for Mitsubishi in which he is easily distracted by some school girls and turns his yard into a war zone thanks to a rogue chainsaw whipping about…

That’s humorous to most of us, but probably less so to Greg Norman these days. Norman is well over 50 and therefore is eligible to golf on the Champions Tour. Fred Funk is also of age to play on the old man tour. Apparently being an old golfer means you also like to play with chainsaws. Last week outside his Florida home, the Shark was trimming trees and slipped a bit which allowed his running chainsaw to plunge into his left wrist. FUCK!!!!!!!

We don’t have a pic of the situation, but it sounds as though it was pretty nasty. Norman said he stayed calm and received immediate medical attention. Doctors were able to fix him up and save him from losing his hand. He was within fractions of an inch from losing the hand and damaging a major artery. He’s since been released from the hospital and has to walk around with this thing on:

Better to look like a huge dork than to lose your hand I suppose. Normal later told the Today show that he had a bad feeling about what he was doing when he got the chainsaw out to use. Huh? Then why did you start it up, dip shit. Even when looking the fool, Norman’s ego still comes out full throttle.

Aren’t Tour Pros Supposed To Make 55 In A Row? 

Before Rory McIlroy let his first shot fly in Atlanta on Sunday NBC caught him warming up on the putting green with his caddie, his putter, and a putting aid. What followed was Rors drilling 55 consecutive and NBC showing it to us at high speed. Great video, great stuff, very amusing…….almost mesmerizing really. Here it is again if you missed it:

In reality, when you have the line down and a putting aid at your feet, this isn’t as hard as it looks. I reviewed the Dave Pelz Putting Tutor last week, I obviously own one, and if I got that thing on the right line even I could go on a run of about 30 in a row. Those are pretty easy without pressure and nothing on the line. Let’s also remember that if Rory was such a great putter he would not have four putted twice last week in Denver.

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Holy Horschel!!! 10 Million Reasons For Billy To Be On Ryder Cup Team: Final Thoughts On Tour Championship

For $10 Million, I Wouldn’t Care How Ugly My Pants Are Either

As I noted in my previous post, Billy Horschel faced off with Rory McIlroy in a winner-take-all weekend of golf at East Lake in Atlanta. Yes, Billy Horschel, the hottest player on the planet – he who is not a member of the United States Ryder Cup team – held off McIlroy over the final 36 holes of the Tour Championship to take home 13 million dollars for 3 weeks of work. And he did so all while knowing his wife very well could be popping out their first child back home in Jacksonville at any moment. For his efforts, Horschel has gained the respect of everyone associated with professional golf. For a guy who’s always been known as high energy, emotional, and nervous, Bill showed the focus of a sniper while finishing off his Fed Ex Cup title with bounce back birdies and key par saves. A sincere ShutFaceGolf congratulations to Billy and the entire Horschel team and family for their tremendous accomplishment.

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Those that know Horschel’s game know that when he’s hot he stays hot. I said that last week and noted that with Bill it usually comes down to his putter. This week in Atlanta his flat stick stayed hot. That, Billy’s normal ball striking game, and only 30 players to beat resulted in Bill’s 2nd victory in two weeks. He hasn’t shot a round over par since he missed the cut in New Jersey nearly a month ago. In fact, he hasn’t shot a round in the 70s in over 3 weeks. @NoLayingUp shows us Billy Golf by the numbers:

And to do all that with a baby on the way? You saw what happened to Patrick Reed when his child was close to being due. He went from a top 5 player (stop fucking laughing – no, okay, laugh your bag off) to a guy missing cuts at a John Daly-like pace. Impending fatherhood is rough on your game, trust me. I’ve been there. For William Horschel, this little distraction seems to have fueled him like a frat boy at a rave getting a bump of blow.

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And that’s what Bill is going home when he leaves the ATL with all his cash. I haven’t always been a fan of Mrs. H., but she’s got a cute prego thing going on right now. These two are about to experience the greatest day of their life, and that is pretty amazing considering they became 10 million dollars richer on Sunday afternoon.

Winners & Losers Of The Week

Winners: 

Billy Horschel – You know the drill, and there’s no changing the tune on ShutFaceGolf just because of some hokey points system that is as contrived as a network reality show. Billy went all in and finished T2, 1, and 1 after missing the cut at the Barclays. The best player won.

BH has also handled the entire Ryder Cup gorilla in the room about as classy as one could ask. About the only thing he’s done wrong is that stupid Gator Chomp in the heart of Bulldog territory. So stand up, slow clap, and get this mother fucker a cigar for his victory and for his baby girl.

Ryan Palmer – Another good week for Palmer and four rounds in the 60s will get you on the winner list too. RP didn’t win a Fed Ex event and he didn’t make the Ryder Cup team, but he did play as consistently as any other player in this cluster fuck of a format over four weeks (save Horschel, McIlroy, and Kirk). This surge could be a spring board for Palmer going forward but we won’t know that for at least 6 months when the meat of the tour gets going again in 2015.

Baby Horschel – This kid isn’t even born yet, but her life is set thanks to daddy’s 3 week hot streak. Winner, winner…..breast milk dinner!

Of course, if dad never wins another tourney, she’ll get all the blame for that too. Life is full of pressure, kid.

Geoff Ogilvy - If you’ve ever wondered what I look like, I’m pretty much Geoff Ogilvy’s doppelganger with a smaller nose and no Aussie accent. Oh yeah, and I don’t have that goofy neck hair, I know how to wear my hat, and……well, what the fuck ever….

Geoff makes the list today as a winner not because of his handsome resemblance to me, but because he shot 20 fucking over while playing 3 solo rounds at East Lake and still takes home about 200k for his efforts. He also gets into a few majors (was already in the Masters thanks to winning in August) for finishing in the top 30. Sometimes losers are winners too.

Chris Kirk - Kirk makes the list for almost every reason Palmer did above with the exception being that he won in Boston. He got the bump over some others that could have been considered because he’s a dopey looking guy that bagged a hot ass wife.

WAGS are always in play with everything discussed on this site. Don’t ever forget that.

Losers: 

Rory McIlroy – Ugh, Rors….what a shit filled day on Sunday at East Lake for the curly haired one. He started the day tied for the lead in the tour’s big finish of the year. Then the world number 1 went 5 over in the middle six holes of the round and his chances were toast. If he hadn’t birdied 3 of his last 4 holes it would have looked even worse.

I’m sure he’s both disappointed and exhausted with all the high level golf he’s played of late. Still, I don’t see fatigue as an excuse for the shit shots he hit on the 6th, the 9th, and a few other holes in the middle of his round on Sunday. He’s also been beat the last few weekends by Americans……Americans that aren’t on the Ryder Cup team. Which leads us to….

PGA Of America - Rory himself said that he’s glad Horschel, Palmer, and Kirk aren’t on the U.S. team for Gleneagles. He’s dealt with them throughout the Fed Ex Cup stretch and knows they’re all playing well and would be tough outs as opponents.

Instead we’re stuck with Webb Simpson and Hunter Mahan. Mahan is on the team because he got hot a week earlier than Billy. That’s simply bad timing for BH and good timing for Hunter. You can’t blame Tom Watson for this, so I hope you weren’t looking for his name here.

Watson played the cards he was dealt with the information he had at the moment. Obviously everyone that has a say would want Horschel on the team at this point, but it isn’t going to happen. Why were these decisions forced to be made so early? Likely because of logistics. The PGA has to plan the event, get names in programs, order wardrobes, put together bios, etc. In this day and age the PGA should be able to do that in the two weeks they have from the Tour Championship to the Ryder Cup, but they’re old and fussy and set in their ways. This year’s debacle might be the impetus for change. Let’s hope so, and when Fred Couples makes his 6 captain’s picks after the Tour Championship in 2016 we’ll all remember why this process had to be changed.

Ralph Lauren – When is Ralph going to make Billy a decent pair of trousers? First the Octo-pants, then the camo, now these in plaid. Is he going yachting? Ahoy paloy.

Am I off base here or are these as awful as they appear? I’m a big fan of Polo in general and always have been, but sometimes less is more. With Billy’s pants, I think this should be RL’s mantra.

Johnny Miller - Asking if Johnny Miller a dipshit is like asking if bears shit in the woods. We all know he’s a fucktard, but we’re also forced to listen to him some 20 weekends a year when he’s calling professional tournament golf that we want to watch. In many ways, I do like what Miller has to say thanks to his honesty and overall knowledge of the game. When Miller starts harping on the same shit throughout the broadcast, well…..that’s when you want to throw your empty beer bottle at the TV so shut him up. Save your flat screen and put the bottle down. It isn’t worth it, not that I’ve done this before.

On Sunday at East Lake, Miller’s head was stuck on Rory’s swing flaws, the weather, and his odd mental hang up of seemingly wanting Horschel to choke. I don’t think I’m the only one that heard him working on his Mormon voodoo while Hicks was talking. He did compliment Horschel quite a bit over the 18 holes, but I felt Miller wanted to keep Horschel down because he’d be winning 4 times what Johnny earned for his entire career in one week of work. That has to make Miller cringe. After all, he once shot 63 at Oakmont to win the U.S. Open, Billy never did that.

Jim Furyk - Big Jim played great today, didn’t he? Well, at least through 16 holes he did. That must be because he didn’t have to sleep on the 54 hole lead. Don’t forget that Furyk was safely on the 16th green while Horschel had yet to putt out for birdie on 15 and the two were tied for the lead. And just when things could have actually gotten interesting, Furyk choked out….errrr…bogied out to give Billy a much easier path to victory. That’s way too typical of Jim over the last 3 years. Today was his 100,147th 2nd place finish since his last win. If he had posted -10 and given Bill something to look at on 18 I might have left Jim alone today, but that didn’t happen. The call out is deserved.

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Rory v. Billy On Tap For Final 36 At East Lake

Literally In Pocket

No matter what happens this weekend in Atlanta, Rory McIlroy has already had an interesting week at the Tour Championship. First, news broke that when he dumped Caroline Wozniacki this summer and ended their engagement, she thought the first 5 minutes of the call were a joke. After all, how could anyone end a relationship in which the couple had wedding plans via a brief cell phone chat? Well, Rors did just that. We know he’s cold blooded on the course, now we know he also is on it.

Then in his pre-tourney presser, Rory was asked about the careers of Phil Mickelson and Tiger Woods. He was highly complementary of both legends and went on to close his comment by saying Tiger and Phil are playing the final holes of their careers. I don’t have any problem with that, and no one should. Tiger could play another 10 years on tour, but how many of those will be competitive? What McIlroy said is a fact. We all know it. However, some golf journos tried to make more out of it than they should have. To which Rors responded, “I’ve said worse to Tiger’s face”. Amen. The two are pals, of course he has. Remember when Woods told Rory to get his “finger out of his ass” last year?

As for his actual golf this week to date, he’s played pretty well but sits two shots behind red hot leader Billy Horschel. The two will go head to head on Saturday and I’m sure Billy’s licking his chops at the opportunity to again show Tom Watson what type of Ryder Cupper he missed out on. On Friday at East Lake the highlight of Rory’s round occurred on the 14th hole. It wasn’t as much of a highlight as it was an absolutely bizarre situation. He sprayed his tee ball a hair right off the tee into the trees. When the ball came out of the tree it landed in some weird beard’s pocket.

Is it me or was bro just a little too excited in his offering to have Rors fish his ball from the pocket? Everything about that guy seems a little off. Rory elected not play pocket pool with the patron and commented that he knows how sweaty his pockets are, he didn’t need to feel this guy’s. I’m not sure I understand why his pockets are sweaty, but Phil Knight might want to do some damage control regarding the Nike gear Rors is wearing. Rors also noted that he’s glad the ball didn’t plug. Hi-oh!!!! McIlroy went on to make par on the hole.

Play On, William

As mentioned above, Billy Horschel is leading the Tour Championship through 36 holes and is the man to beat for the 10 million space bucks they dole out to the winner of the Fed Ex Cup playoffs. As I noted last week when he won the BMW, his wife is 8 months pregnant and due to give birth 2 weeks from now. If you have kids, you probably know that they don’t do anything on schedule. Because of the unknown timing of Billy’s daughter’s birth, Mrs. Horschel felt the need to clarify what Bill should do if she was to go in to labor during the Tour Championship.

Billy Horschel and his wife Brittany celebrated the New Year in Maui.

They answer: KEEP PLAYING!!! She was a collegiate golfer herself and she knows what this means to her husband. And they both know what 10 million dollars would do for them for the rest of their lives. To elaborate a little further, Billy isn’t going to have any idea if she’s in labor while he’s playing. He’ll be cut off from communication. If he needs to go home after the 3rd round he’ll do so via a quick flight to Jacksonville and return after the birth to play in the final round. That’s the most sensible birthing plan I’ve ever heard from a PGA Tour player. The Horschel’s are easy to like.

 

 

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Equipment Reviews: SuperStroke Putter Grips And The Dave Pelz Putting Tutor

SuperStroke Grips – Fad Or Phenom? 

This might be the only post in the history of this site in which I type the words ‘super’ and ‘stroke’ together and they are not preceded or followed by ‘Paulina Gretzky’. No, no, none of those shenanigans in this one. If you’ve watched professional golf on television at any time in the last 3 years you’ve noticed several players using SuperStroke grips like the ones shown below. They’re generally double the size (thickness) of a normal putter grip and come in all kinds of assorted colors with the primary color being white.

SuperStroke’s popular line of round-backed grips has the Ultra Slim 1.0, Mid Slim 2.0, Slim 3.0 and Flatso 5.0. models of grips. The grips are non-tapered and have a wide, flat section on their fronts that are designed to place goflers’ hands farther apart to help them make a more shoulder-driven stroke.

I first put the Slim 3.o grip on my old Scotty Cameron in November of last year. I’ve thought all season about providing some type of review on the product and because I’m a huge nerd and log every round I play in a stat program, I can tell you how accurate I am from every distance imaginable. So now that I have 45 rounds under my belt this season and logged each of them for statistical purposes, it seemed like the right time to compare 2013 putting data to 2014 data and see how or if this grip improved my putting stroke in any way shape or form. Without boring you with decimal points and percentages, I can sum up the results in one word. “No”.

My putting numbers are within 1/10ths of percents from every range, 3 putt percentage, etc. There is virtually no difference whatsoever from last year to this year. I was floored to see this outcome even though I knew I had started the year poorly on the greens. What the numbers tells me is that the SuperStroke grip is more of a fad than a true technological advancement in golf equipment. There are copy cats out there making similar grips because they have to, there is a market for them. And I will say that having one in your hands feels pretty good. The grip does seem to make you feel that you have less tension in your stroke and that you are truly releasing the putter head, especially on longer attempts. Yet, at the same time the extra girth of the grip can make it difficult to feel the blade of the putter and if it is square, open, or shut. This problem rears its ugly head more so on short putts and can kill your confidence.

I’m completely indifferent on SuperStroke grips, mine obviously hasn’t made me a worse putter, but it didn’t make me better either. If you’re looking for a change, give them a try and see what you think for yourself. Personally, my grip will be sliced off as soon as I decide on what to replace it with.

Invest In A Tutor Instead

If you’re thinking of buying a SuperStroke, you’re also probably borderline desperate to try anything else that will ‘fix’ your putting woes. Instead of paying $25 for a grip, double down and pick up a Dave Pelz Putting Tutor instead. What the fuck am I talking about? This little contraption right here:

Along with Phil Mickelson, Dave Pelz designed this gadget that is simply a board with lines and an indent for a ball to rest in. There are also indents for you to place marbles (included) on toward the front of the board that give you 3 different widths of a gate to putt through. The lines around the ball are for you to measure where your eyes should be over the ball as well as how far away. Here’s more from Dave and Bitch Tits:

As I stated above, I track every shot from every round for statistical purposes. While the SuperStroke grip didn’t have any impact on my season as a whole, I can see from the point I started using the tutor to the present day that my putting has improved (about 9 weeks). While the tutor isn’t going to fix how you stroke the ball, it does give you feedback on how you’re stroking it and it gets you, your eyes, and your putter blade aligned properly. In my first 5 minutes on it I couldn’t believe how open my face felt with my set up position. All the while, my feet were also open (creating an angle away from the open face). It’s a miracle that I made anything before July. Do I recommend it? Absolutely. It is light weight and easily stows in your bag to be used at a moment’s notice (for practice only, of course).

*ShutFaceGolf was not paid to endorse any products mentioned in this post, nor was it provided free sample/trials of the products discussed. However, equipment companies are encouraged to provide such products for future trials and reviews. Inquiries can be sent to ShutFaceGolf@gmail.com  

 

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