Tour Graduates And Rick’s New ‘Do

I Avoided Panic Attacks With Booze And Pills

There was no PGA Tour golf played this weekend. That thought is hard to fathom, but I muddled through it and you did too. After all, this IS football season! Golf that was played centered around players from the PGA, Web.com and Symetra (ladies) Tours procuring cards that allow them to have membership on the major tours for 2015. On the men’s side, Derek Fathauer won the Web.com finals with with a tidy final round 68 on the course at Sawgrass that isn’t the host of the Players Championship.

The finals for the Web.com Tour is a combination of players that didn’t make the Fed Ex Playoffs on the PGA Tour and other Web.com players that don’t have any status on the big boy tour. The top 50 get PGA Tour status for the upcoming season, but the pecking order differs greatly from number 1 to number 50. In other words, number 50 isn’t going to get into many events that he wants to play.

Heading to the TOUR

Of the lucky 50, you’ll recognize Jason Gore, he of 2005 Pinehurst fame, Heath Slocum (that’s what she said), Sam Saunders (Arnie’s grandson), Colt Knost, Jonathan Byrd, and Tommy “Two Gloves” Gainey. Tommy is joined by another fellow Big Break alum in Tony Finau. Now that their stressful weekend is over, they can probably all take a relaxing shit for the first time in 6 weeks. For the guys that didn’t make the top 50, they’ll have status on the Web.com Tour next year. They’ll be fine. It isn’t as if the queen has ordered them to be beheaded.

Now The Ladies

On the Symetra Tour things are a little bit different than what their counterparts on the men’s side get in terms of cash flow. You can make a damn nice living being in the middle of the pack on the Web.com Tour. For the ladies, if you’re not on the LPGA circuit making cuts, you’re spending more than you’re making. For instance, the 10th place chick on the Symetra money list this year made less than 42k, but at least now she’s earned her way to the big show for 2015. Who is said player? Why it is none other than another Big Break alum, Mallory Blackwelder.

Why do we care about the 10th place Symetra Tour player instead of the other 9 in front of her? Because she’s easy on the eyes and they’re not. The ladies game needs more of these types of players. They don’t grow on trees. Mallory earned her way to the tour fair and square. Now lets hope she stays there so we can see more of her. Speaking of which….here’s more of Ms. Blackwelder.

Mallory is engaged to Graham Deleat’s caddie. She’s also a former Kentucky Wildcat.

I think the horse is starring at her tits. How dare he?

Rickie Stylin’ En Route To Ryder Cup

It is Ryder Cup week!!!!! Fuck yeah!!!!! Team America!!!!!! Hopefully you’re now just as fired up as I am. If not, this clip might help (audio NSFW):

Fuck yeah!!!!!! Does it every time, doesn’t it? I think Rickie Fowler agrees, and I can only assume he watched that video or something similar just before he hit the barber shop this weekend. Take a look:

How patriotic. How heroic. How……fucking stupid does that look? Hey, this is the guy that just gave you the Team America clip. Don’t question my patriotism. Question Rick’s style, as I often do. Good for him, and that’ll probably be right up the alley of his typical fan, but its fucking awful. And you’re not going to be able to see it under his hat anyway. But hey, that might be all it takes to let Sergio and Rory know that you mean business. They’ll shit themselves at the sight of it. Brilliant!

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The Whereabouts Of Anthony Kim Revisited

He’s Not With Drama And Turtle, Last I Checked

In January I wrote about Anthony Kim falling off the face of the golf world in to the unknown. I re-blogged that garbage in May when it was thought AK might reappear at Quail Hollow due to him being a former Wells Fargo champ. Today Alan Shipnuck dropped a doozy on us that is a must read if you care about what Anthony is up to and what lies ahead for him.

I usually don’t promote Alan’s work, but I’m coming around to some of his latest pieces. Last year he was a nominee for the Shutter for Whiny Bitch of the Year. This year, he might avoid that ‘honor’ thanks solely to his under cover work in Dallas strip clubs searching for the buckled one. Check out Alan’s AK piece here.

As for the article on Kim, WOW. The highlights are that he’s basically a fucking yeti, long hair and all. No one really knows what he’s thinking, what he wants to do, or what he’s doing with his time. In the little he does play golf, word is he’s hitting the ball great, but full of self doubt and concern for more injuries. He also stems to make a cool $17 million that is tax free due to an insurance policy if he never hits another shot on the PGA Tour. He has an interesting decision in front of him, and he may just be at peace with the money he’s made, the money coming to him, and the life he has as a wandering playboy.

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No Golf This Week….Fuck That Noise, Its Another Edition Of Hump Day Musings

The Kid Has Timing

Billy Horschel isn’t even 48 hours removed from winning 13 million dollars. He’s finally home, he’s looking forward to some rest after a grinding playoff run, and his wife’s water breaks. Billy announced to his Twitter followers that the couple was off to the hospital last night to prepare for the arrival of daughter, Skylar. As you can see by the tweet below, everything went to plan and the Horschel’s life can’t get much better than it is right now.

Bill later tweeted that the big man upstairs has been pretty good to him lately. No shit? I wouldn’t even know where to start, but I’d be pinching myself in every way possible. As for the timing of the birth, Skylar came about two weeks early. How does this happen? They say labor can be triggered by sexual intercourse. Something tells me the Horschel’s were celebrating a Fed Ex crown the right way and the human body took over from there. Good for them, and congrats again. Mrs. H is making a strong case for the next WAG of the Month thanks to taking a victory romp for the team, giving birth and pressuring Bill to hang in there and win the cup no matter what is happening with her pregnancy.

If Only This Was Due To A Shark Bite

You may recall Funk’s spot for Mitsubishi in which he is easily distracted by some school girls and turns his yard into a war zone thanks to a rogue chainsaw whipping about…

That’s humorous to most of us, but probably less so to Greg Norman these days. Norman is well over 50 and therefore is eligible to golf on the Champions Tour. Fred Funk is also of age to play on the old man tour. Apparently being an old golfer means you also like to play with chainsaws. Last week outside his Florida home, the Shark was trimming trees and slipped a bit which allowed his running chainsaw to plunge into his left wrist. FUCK!!!!!!!

We don’t have a pic of the situation, but it sounds as though it was pretty nasty. Norman said he stayed calm and received immediate medical attention. Doctors were able to fix him up and save him from losing his hand. He was within fractions of an inch from losing the hand and damaging a major artery. He’s since been released from the hospital and has to walk around with this thing on:

Better to look like a huge dork than to lose your hand I suppose. Normal later told the Today show that he had a bad feeling about what he was doing when he got the chainsaw out to use. Huh? Then why did you start it up, dip shit. Even when looking the fool, Norman’s ego still comes out full throttle.

Aren’t Tour Pros Supposed To Make 55 In A Row? 

Before Rory McIlroy let his first shot fly in Atlanta on Sunday NBC caught him warming up on the putting green with his caddie, his putter, and a putting aid. What followed was Rors drilling 55 consecutive and NBC showing it to us at high speed. Great video, great stuff, very amusing…….almost mesmerizing really. Here it is again if you missed it:

In reality, when you have the line down and a putting aid at your feet, this isn’t as hard as it looks. I reviewed the Dave Pelz Putting Tutor last week, I obviously own one, and if I got that thing on the right line even I could go on a run of about 30 in a row. Those are pretty easy without pressure and nothing on the line. Let’s also remember that if Rory was such a great putter he would not have four putted twice last week in Denver.

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Holy Horschel!!! 10 Million Reasons For Billy To Be On Ryder Cup Team: Final Thoughts On Tour Championship

For $10 Million, I Wouldn’t Care How Ugly My Pants Are Either

As I noted in my previous post, Billy Horschel faced off with Rory McIlroy in a winner-take-all weekend of golf at East Lake in Atlanta. Yes, Billy Horschel, the hottest player on the planet – he who is not a member of the United States Ryder Cup team – held off McIlroy over the final 36 holes of the Tour Championship to take home 13 million dollars for 3 weeks of work. And he did so all while knowing his wife very well could be popping out their first child back home in Jacksonville at any moment. For his efforts, Horschel has gained the respect of everyone associated with professional golf. For a guy who’s always been known as high energy, emotional, and nervous, Bill showed the focus of a sniper while finishing off his Fed Ex Cup title with bounce back birdies and key par saves. A sincere ShutFaceGolf congratulations to Billy and the entire Horschel team and family for their tremendous accomplishment.

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Those that know Horschel’s game know that when he’s hot he stays hot. I said that last week and noted that with Bill it usually comes down to his putter. This week in Atlanta his flat stick stayed hot. That, Billy’s normal ball striking game, and only 30 players to beat resulted in Bill’s 2nd victory in two weeks. He hasn’t shot a round over par since he missed the cut in New Jersey nearly a month ago. In fact, he hasn’t shot a round in the 70s in over 3 weeks. @NoLayingUp shows us Billy Golf by the numbers:

And to do all that with a baby on the way? You saw what happened to Patrick Reed when his child was close to being due. He went from a top 5 player (stop fucking laughing – no, okay, laugh your bag off) to a guy missing cuts at a John Daly-like pace. Impending fatherhood is rough on your game, trust me. I’ve been there. For William Horschel, this little distraction seems to have fueled him like a frat boy at a rave getting a bump of blow.

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And that’s what Bill is going home when he leaves the ATL with all his cash. I haven’t always been a fan of Mrs. H., but she’s got a cute prego thing going on right now. These two are about to experience the greatest day of their life, and that is pretty amazing considering they became 10 million dollars richer on Sunday afternoon.

Winners & Losers Of The Week

Winners: 

Billy Horschel – You know the drill, and there’s no changing the tune on ShutFaceGolf just because of some hokey points system that is as contrived as a network reality show. Billy went all in and finished T2, 1, and 1 after missing the cut at the Barclays. The best player won.

BH has also handled the entire Ryder Cup gorilla in the room about as classy as one could ask. About the only thing he’s done wrong is that stupid Gator Chomp in the heart of Bulldog territory. So stand up, slow clap, and get this mother fucker a cigar for his victory and for his baby girl.

Ryan Palmer – Another good week for Palmer and four rounds in the 60s will get you on the winner list too. RP didn’t win a Fed Ex event and he didn’t make the Ryder Cup team, but he did play as consistently as any other player in this cluster fuck of a format over four weeks (save Horschel, McIlroy, and Kirk). This surge could be a spring board for Palmer going forward but we won’t know that for at least 6 months when the meat of the tour gets going again in 2015.

Baby Horschel – This kid isn’t even born yet, but her life is set thanks to daddy’s 3 week hot streak. Winner, winner…..breast milk dinner!

Of course, if dad never wins another tourney, she’ll get all the blame for that too. Life is full of pressure, kid.

Geoff Ogilvy - If you’ve ever wondered what I look like, I’m pretty much Geoff Ogilvy’s doppelganger with a smaller nose and no Aussie accent. Oh yeah, and I don’t have that goofy neck hair, I know how to wear my hat, and……well, what the fuck ever….

Geoff makes the list today as a winner not because of his handsome resemblance to me, but because he shot 20 fucking over while playing 3 solo rounds at East Lake and still takes home about 200k for his efforts. He also gets into a few majors (was already in the Masters thanks to winning in August) for finishing in the top 30. Sometimes losers are winners too.

Chris Kirk - Kirk makes the list for almost every reason Palmer did above with the exception being that he won in Boston. He got the bump over some others that could have been considered because he’s a dopey looking guy that bagged a hot ass wife.

WAGS are always in play with everything discussed on this site. Don’t ever forget that.

Losers: 

Rory McIlroy – Ugh, Rors….what a shit filled day on Sunday at East Lake for the curly haired one. He started the day tied for the lead in the tour’s big finish of the year. Then the world number 1 went 5 over in the middle six holes of the round and his chances were toast. If he hadn’t birdied 3 of his last 4 holes it would have looked even worse.

I’m sure he’s both disappointed and exhausted with all the high level golf he’s played of late. Still, I don’t see fatigue as an excuse for the shit shots he hit on the 6th, the 9th, and a few other holes in the middle of his round on Sunday. He’s also been beat the last few weekends by Americans……Americans that aren’t on the Ryder Cup team. Which leads us to….

PGA Of America - Rory himself said that he’s glad Horschel, Palmer, and Kirk aren’t on the U.S. team for Gleneagles. He’s dealt with them throughout the Fed Ex Cup stretch and knows they’re all playing well and would be tough outs as opponents.

Instead we’re stuck with Webb Simpson and Hunter Mahan. Mahan is on the team because he got hot a week earlier than Billy. That’s simply bad timing for BH and good timing for Hunter. You can’t blame Tom Watson for this, so I hope you weren’t looking for his name here.

Watson played the cards he was dealt with the information he had at the moment. Obviously everyone that has a say would want Horschel on the team at this point, but it isn’t going to happen. Why were these decisions forced to be made so early? Likely because of logistics. The PGA has to plan the event, get names in programs, order wardrobes, put together bios, etc. In this day and age the PGA should be able to do that in the two weeks they have from the Tour Championship to the Ryder Cup, but they’re old and fussy and set in their ways. This year’s debacle might be the impetus for change. Let’s hope so, and when Fred Couples makes his 6 captain’s picks after the Tour Championship in 2016 we’ll all remember why this process had to be changed.

Ralph Lauren – When is Ralph going to make Billy a decent pair of trousers? First the Octo-pants, then the camo, now these in plaid. Is he going yachting? Ahoy paloy.

Am I off base here or are these as awful as they appear? I’m a big fan of Polo in general and always have been, but sometimes less is more. With Billy’s pants, I think this should be RL’s mantra.

Johnny Miller - Asking if Johnny Miller a dipshit is like asking if bears shit in the woods. We all know he’s a fucktard, but we’re also forced to listen to him some 20 weekends a year when he’s calling professional tournament golf that we want to watch. In many ways, I do like what Miller has to say thanks to his honesty and overall knowledge of the game. When Miller starts harping on the same shit throughout the broadcast, well…..that’s when you want to throw your empty beer bottle at the TV so shut him up. Save your flat screen and put the bottle down. It isn’t worth it, not that I’ve done this before.

On Sunday at East Lake, Miller’s head was stuck on Rory’s swing flaws, the weather, and his odd mental hang up of seemingly wanting Horschel to choke. I don’t think I’m the only one that heard him working on his Mormon voodoo while Hicks was talking. He did compliment Horschel quite a bit over the 18 holes, but I felt Miller wanted to keep Horschel down because he’d be winning 4 times what Johnny earned for his entire career in one week of work. That has to make Miller cringe. After all, he once shot 63 at Oakmont to win the U.S. Open, Billy never did that.

Jim Furyk - Big Jim played great today, didn’t he? Well, at least through 16 holes he did. That must be because he didn’t have to sleep on the 54 hole lead. Don’t forget that Furyk was safely on the 16th green while Horschel had yet to putt out for birdie on 15 and the two were tied for the lead. And just when things could have actually gotten interesting, Furyk choked out….errrr…bogied out to give Billy a much easier path to victory. That’s way too typical of Jim over the last 3 years. Today was his 100,147th 2nd place finish since his last win. If he had posted -10 and given Bill something to look at on 18 I might have left Jim alone today, but that didn’t happen. The call out is deserved.

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Rory v. Billy On Tap For Final 36 At East Lake

Literally In Pocket

No matter what happens this weekend in Atlanta, Rory McIlroy has already had an interesting week at the Tour Championship. First, news broke that when he dumped Caroline Wozniacki this summer and ended their engagement, she thought the first 5 minutes of the call were a joke. After all, how could anyone end a relationship in which the couple had wedding plans via a brief cell phone chat? Well, Rors did just that. We know he’s cold blooded on the course, now we know he also is on it.

Then in his pre-tourney presser, Rory was asked about the careers of Phil Mickelson and Tiger Woods. He was highly complementary of both legends and went on to close his comment by saying Tiger and Phil are playing the final holes of their careers. I don’t have any problem with that, and no one should. Tiger could play another 10 years on tour, but how many of those will be competitive? What McIlroy said is a fact. We all know it. However, some golf journos tried to make more out of it than they should have. To which Rors responded, “I’ve said worse to Tiger’s face”. Amen. The two are pals, of course he has. Remember when Woods told Rory to get his “finger out of his ass” last year?

As for his actual golf this week to date, he’s played pretty well but sits two shots behind red hot leader Billy Horschel. The two will go head to head on Saturday and I’m sure Billy’s licking his chops at the opportunity to again show Tom Watson what type of Ryder Cupper he missed out on. On Friday at East Lake the highlight of Rory’s round occurred on the 14th hole. It wasn’t as much of a highlight as it was an absolutely bizarre situation. He sprayed his tee ball a hair right off the tee into the trees. When the ball came out of the tree it landed in some weird beard’s pocket.

Is it me or was bro just a little too excited in his offering to have Rors fish his ball from the pocket? Everything about that guy seems a little off. Rory elected not play pocket pool with the patron and commented that he knows how sweaty his pockets are, he didn’t need to feel this guy’s. I’m not sure I understand why his pockets are sweaty, but Phil Knight might want to do some damage control regarding the Nike gear Rors is wearing. Rors also noted that he’s glad the ball didn’t plug. Hi-oh!!!! McIlroy went on to make par on the hole.

Play On, William

As mentioned above, Billy Horschel is leading the Tour Championship through 36 holes and is the man to beat for the 10 million space bucks they dole out to the winner of the Fed Ex Cup playoffs. As I noted last week when he won the BMW, his wife is 8 months pregnant and due to give birth 2 weeks from now. If you have kids, you probably know that they don’t do anything on schedule. Because of the unknown timing of Billy’s daughter’s birth, Mrs. Horschel felt the need to clarify what Bill should do if she was to go in to labor during the Tour Championship.

Billy Horschel and his wife Brittany celebrated the New Year in Maui.

They answer: KEEP PLAYING!!! She was a collegiate golfer herself and she knows what this means to her husband. And they both know what 10 million dollars would do for them for the rest of their lives. To elaborate a little further, Billy isn’t going to have any idea if she’s in labor while he’s playing. He’ll be cut off from communication. If he needs to go home after the 3rd round he’ll do so via a quick flight to Jacksonville and return after the birth to play in the final round. That’s the most sensible birthing plan I’ve ever heard from a PGA Tour player. The Horschel’s are easy to like.

 

 

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Equipment Reviews: SuperStroke Putter Grips And The Dave Pelz Putting Tutor

SuperStroke Grips – Fad Or Phenom? 

This might be the only post in the history of this site in which I type the words ‘super’ and ‘stroke’ together and they are not preceded or followed by ‘Paulina Gretzky’. No, no, none of those shenanigans in this one. If you’ve watched professional golf on television at any time in the last 3 years you’ve noticed several players using SuperStroke grips like the ones shown below. They’re generally double the size (thickness) of a normal putter grip and come in all kinds of assorted colors with the primary color being white.

SuperStroke’s popular line of round-backed grips has the Ultra Slim 1.0, Mid Slim 2.0, Slim 3.0 and Flatso 5.0. models of grips. The grips are non-tapered and have a wide, flat section on their fronts that are designed to place goflers’ hands farther apart to help them make a more shoulder-driven stroke.

I first put the Slim 3.o grip on my old Scotty Cameron in November of last year. I’ve thought all season about providing some type of review on the product and because I’m a huge nerd and log every round I play in a stat program, I can tell you how accurate I am from every distance imaginable. So now that I have 45 rounds under my belt this season and logged each of them for statistical purposes, it seemed like the right time to compare 2013 putting data to 2014 data and see how or if this grip improved my putting stroke in any way shape or form. Without boring you with decimal points and percentages, I can sum up the results in one word. “No”.

My putting numbers are within 1/10ths of percents from every range, 3 putt percentage, etc. There is virtually no difference whatsoever from last year to this year. I was floored to see this outcome even though I knew I had started the year poorly on the greens. What the numbers tells me is that the SuperStroke grip is more of a fad than a true technological advancement in golf equipment. There are copy cats out there making similar grips because they have to, there is a market for them. And I will say that having one in your hands feels pretty good. The grip does seem to make you feel that you have less tension in your stroke and that you are truly releasing the putter head, especially on longer attempts. Yet, at the same time the extra girth of the grip can make it difficult to feel the blade of the putter and if it is square, open, or shut. This problem rears its ugly head more so on short putts and can kill your confidence.

I’m completely indifferent on SuperStroke grips, mine obviously hasn’t made me a worse putter, but it didn’t make me better either. If you’re looking for a change, give them a try and see what you think for yourself. Personally, my grip will be sliced off as soon as I decide on what to replace it with.

Invest In A Tutor Instead

If you’re thinking of buying a SuperStroke, you’re also probably borderline desperate to try anything else that will ‘fix’ your putting woes. Instead of paying $25 for a grip, double down and pick up a Dave Pelz Putting Tutor instead. What the fuck am I talking about? This little contraption right here:

Along with Phil Mickelson, Dave Pelz designed this gadget that is simply a board with lines and an indent for a ball to rest in. There are also indents for you to place marbles (included) on toward the front of the board that give you 3 different widths of a gate to putt through. The lines around the ball are for you to measure where your eyes should be over the ball as well as how far away. Here’s more from Dave and Bitch Tits:

As I stated above, I track every shot from every round for statistical purposes. While the SuperStroke grip didn’t have any impact on my season as a whole, I can see from the point I started using the tutor to the present day that my putting has improved (about 9 weeks). While the tutor isn’t going to fix how you stroke the ball, it does give you feedback on how you’re stroking it and it gets you, your eyes, and your putter blade aligned properly. In my first 5 minutes on it I couldn’t believe how open my face felt with my set up position. All the while, my feet were also open (creating an angle away from the open face). It’s a miracle that I made anything before July. Do I recommend it? Absolutely. It is light weight and easily stows in your bag to be used at a moment’s notice (for practice only, of course).

*ShutFaceGolf was not paid to endorse any products mentioned in this post, nor was it provided free sample/trials of the products discussed. However, equipment companies are encouraged to provide such products for future trials and reviews. Inquiries can be sent to ShutFaceGolf@gmail.com  

 

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Horschel Holds On, Hoffmans Sneaks In, And McIlroy’s Yips: Final Thoughts On BMW

Bill Battles Back From Boston

The weeks before Billy Horschel won the Zurich Classic last year in New Orleans  he finished T9 at Harbor Town, T3 in San Antonio, and T2 in Houston. If you were aware of that then you also likely knew that Billy’s flame out in Boston on Monday was simply one bad shot and that he’d be back to contend this week in metro Denver. If BH is anything, he’s apparently very persistent. He also stays hot for a while when he’s playing well.

Horschel’s third round 63 sent him surging up the leaderboard on Saturday and made him the overnight leader. After 11 holes on Sunday he and Ryan Palmer sat tied a top the BMW Championship at 14 under par. Bill simply made 11 pars to close his round as his challengers shit themselves all over the golf course. Horschel is a ball striking machine. He hit a few stray shots coming home, but never compounded his mistakes the way Garcia and Palmer did (e.g. the shank Palmer hit on 13).

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I pointed out last week how much better BH hit the ball in comparison to Kirk coming down the stretch at Boston, save his last shot. Kirk got the breaks and out-putted Bill. That’s usually the story when Billy plays well, playing well = putting well. Today was the most obvious example of what keys his success. I don’t think he missed a putt under 12 feet. Keep it in play and make putts and you’ll win more than you lose (sounds like something stupid Johnny Miller would say).

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With a two shot lead and his ball safe on the 18th green, all the excitement should have been long gone from the BMW. That is until Horschel decided he had to drain his main vein and find a shitter. He flipped the club to his looper and then sprinted off the course to the left of the hole in search of a toilet. There’s no report on whether or not Bill had the trots or just had to pee.

Are you thinking that this is right about where I’d usually comment on the winner’s wife? Yup….but think again. Mrs. H is at home and 8 months pregnant. She’s getting a pass today. Are you also thinking that Billy would look damn good on the U.S. Ryder Cup team right about now? I’d agree, but the funny thing with that is that I don’t think Bill could have or would have played. For all the right reasons, it is probably best for Bill that he won this week instead of any time in the prior month. If he had won earlier, I think he’s a guy Captain Watson would have looked at for a pick. The issue is that Bill’s wife is due to give birth to their first child within days of the matches. I think he would have opted out, but it would be very hard to turn down a Ryder Cup selection when you’ve never been on the team before.

The Field

What else can you say about Morgan Hoffman at this point. The fucking kid was left for dead at the Wyndham and eeked his way to spot 124 to barely make the Fed Ex playoffs. Then a home game in New Jersey (he’s from the Garden State) and a top 10, a made cut in Boston, and and 62-63 weekend in Colorado after being over par half way through…..that’s a god damn miracle in getting to Atlanta.

His eagle at the 17th hole today showed how big his onions are. I love seeing young bucks going for it when something is on the line. That’s why we all watch. His reward for his play is more than just making the Tour Championship and the truck full of cash that comes with it. By making the TC, Hoffman is now exempt into 3 majors in 2015 with the Masters being one of them.

For much of the day it looked like Dustin Johnson and his coke habit would be the impediment keeping Hoffman from booking his flight to Atlanta. You see, without even playing a playoff event, Johnson held the 30th position in the Fed Ex standings. Hoffman’s eagle allowed him to jump Johnson, which also stopped me from going on a nasty Tim Finchem rant. Still, Dustin ended up 30th which means there will be only 29 players in the field next week, and someone will have to play alone each day. It also means Johnson will get $175k for not hitting one fucking shot in the playoffs. #completelyflawed

And just when you though Sergio Garcia had choked away a golf tournament in every conceivable way he writes a new chapter in his “How To Be A Loser” book. Down 2 on the 17th hole, 252 yards from the hole, ball in the fairway…..you’re a tour pro….there’s only one shot to hit. I don’t give a fuck if there’s water up there. You hit whatever club it takes to give yourself a chance at eagle. The little pussy layed up. He layed up!!!!!!

As you can only imagine, the boys at No Laying Up at something to say about it:

Well stated. And if you watched the BMW, you know he got what he deserved after hitting that chicken shit shot. His 83 yard wedge flew the green. He skulled the chip back across the putting surface into the water and eventually made a triple-bogey 8. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Fuck you, prick.

Shot Of The Day

Rory had an interesting weekend in Colorado. First he gave us the Shit Shot(s) of the Day on Saturday with his fun four putt from 4 feet:

He and Sergio must have been banging the same chick on Friday night eaten the same breakfast. Both putted like epileptic midgets when playing together on Saturday. Then both pitched in from 50 some yards at the 7th hole after hitting driver 350 yards down the right side on Sunday.

That tends to make up for yipping short putts, that is of course until you do it again!!!!

Same hole, one day later. Four more putts. Two four putts from the number one player in the world two days in a row? You have to be fucking kidding me. I don’t know if Tiger has ever four putted in his career. How are these two Euros going to putt when the pressure hits them at the Ryder Cup? And of course Rors finished 6 shots behind Horschel, which means if he one putted the 12th green both times he played it on the weekend he would have been in a playoff.

Cherry Picking

I really like the fact that the BMW and the Barclays Fed Ex events rotate courses with in their general geographic regions. I wish the Tour Championship and Boston events would do the same. Because the BMW moves around we were treated to seeing Cherry Hills all week and I thought it came out looking like a superstar. The score to par was higher than expected thanks to Friday morning rain. Other than that it was a brilliant set up and design for a championship event.

Interesting par 3s, drive-able par 4s, and risk reward par 5s amid a classic and timeless design is all you can ask for in a golf course. The altitude and extra distance aside, this place was built to host big events. With the success of the BMW this week you’d have to think that a PGA, WGC event, or a regular spot in the BMW rotation would be the reward for Cherry Hills. Time will tell, but seeing this track every 4 years would be fine by me as a fan and as a player.

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Phil, How Could You?

Mickelson WD’s From BMW

You would think Phil Mickelson would crawl through mud to play Cherry Hills a few times in the twilight of his career. In a way, this is where it all started for the young college boy when he won the 1990 U.S. Amateur. Just last week I opined that he better hustle to make the cut in Boston so that he could advance to the BMW Championship. He did so, but barely. Then Bitch Tits went on a rant, intended mainly for Tim Finchem’s ears, about how the players need a week off in the midst of the playoffs to recharge. I can’t say I don’t agree with Phil. A Ryder Cup player that is in contention in the playoffs will likely play 6 of 7 consecutive events on tour dating back to the WGC-Bridgestone. That’s brutal when you’re playing competitive golf at a high level. Why isn’t there a week off?

So what did Phil do about it? He showed up at Cherry Hills this week, played like shit for two rounds, and then WD’d on Saturday morning giving no excuse other than he felt he needed to rest and get ready for the Ryder Cup. Phil does everything in the world for the fans. He probably showed up in Colorado just so they could see him. I’m not going to get on a soap box about Phil’s decision like I would if Michelle Wie or John Daly did this. While I don’t completely agree with Phil’s tactic, he’s earned enough slack from me and any other dick with a keyboard to get a pass. And after all, he’s doing this for our country, and I’ll bet anything that he shows up at Gleneagles with something damn near close to his A game. That’s how he works. The only thing you can expect from Phil is the unexpected.

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Bombs Over Boulder, Team USA Threads, And Still Chewing On Captain’s Picks: Hump Day Musings

Being A Mile High Has Nothing To Do With Dustin Johnson This Week

As if professional golf isn’t already obsessed with distance, this week at the BMW Championship in Denver we’re going to be bombarded with a fables about how long so and so hit a drive, how the players hit the ball too far in the modern game, equipment is too good, etc. Wednesday is hardly over and we’re already hearing such things from golf journos on the scene. What you have to take into account is that the host site of the BMW, Cherry Hills, is roughly 1 mile above sea level. This means that the ball travels at least 10 percent further than normal. Ten percent of a 300 yard drive equates to 330 yards at Cherry Hills. That’s a big difference and something to keep in mind while hearing tales of the long ball this week.

All that being said, Rory is going to hit some crazy long fucking drives his week. Rors and Jason Day have two of the highest ball flights on tour. This is a statistical fact that the PGA Tour keeps track of. Their extra height on tee shots will probably equate to even more than a 10 percent increase than most players are getting. For example, a few years ago in preparation for the BMW, Cherry Hills increased the height of the net at the back of their driving range from 60 feet to 90 feet. Today, standing roughly 270 yards from the net, Rory flew his ball over the net and on to the avenue that sits on the other side of it. His ball was likely still going up as it crossed the net. Then on the 1st hole, which is also an elevated tee shot, he did this:

Schupak is of course referencing Arnie driving the green to spur his 7 shot comeback victory at the U.S. Open held at Cherry Hills in 1960. To commemorate that shot several players took a hack at the green with a persimmon driver during their mid-week practice round. Players used an old balata ball too. Rory got his attempt the closest at 49 yards short.

What everyone is forgetting is that the tee has been moved back a bit since the Open was played there 54 years ago. Even so, today’s experiment goes to show how great of a shot Arnie hit.

The Picks Are In

As I predicted, European Captain Paul McGinely elected to take Lee Westwood, Stephen Gallacher, and Ian Poulter with his 3 wildcard selections announced on Tuesday. Those were fairly obvious choices. As I also predicted, US Captain Tom Watson took Hunter Mahan and Keegan Bradley with his first two picks. Watson took Webb Simpson with his final pick. Watson seemed to try to justify the pick with how Webb performed at Medinah and 2012. With Bradley, Mahan, and Simpson as his picks he often brought up the topic of redemption.

Bradley earned all the clout you can by going 3-0 with Phil Mickelson before falling to Rory on Sunday in the 2012 matches. That pick was automatic. Hunter was on a winning team in 2008 and has all the motivation one can ask for with what happened to him in 2010 and being left off the team in 2012. Still, Mahan earned the selection with his Barclays victory. Webb……???? He won two matches with Bubba Watson at Medinah, lost another, and then let Ian Poulter thump him in singles on Sunday. Yet Watson thinks that makes him a worthy pick? The bottom line is there was no right answer here. If Simpson doesn’t go 3-1 or better Tom’s selection will be questioned, that is a given, and even with the questions I have about picking Webb, I’m not sure there’s a better option out there. #slimpickns

And They’ll Be Wearing…

The picks are in, the teams are final, now we get to sit back and wait 24 days for the matches to begin, talk about possible pairings and match-ups, and…..the ugly fucking clothes our red, white, and blue boys will be wearing. Take a look at the images released by Ralph Lauren today.

Not a lot of guys can pull off red pants, or plaid pants, or even tartan pants. Patrick Reed is going to look like a flotation device in that outfit to the far right. Shit I’ll never want to buy for myself is becoming the standard in Team USA Ryder Cup apparel. Corey Pavin (or his wife) went off the reservation in 2010 with these (though the best of the bunch, seeing Americans in black doesn’t really seem right).

And don’t forget the whole rain suit disaster thanks to USA logos being sewed into the gortex. Then there was this mess from 2006 at the K-Club (courtesy of @NoLayingUp).

Last but hardly the least offensive, the 1999 Sunday shirt from Brookline……oh my.

I’m blaming, the captains, the clothing companies, and the inexplicable abortion of the K.I.S.S. mantra. Keep It Simple Stupid. So here are my rules for selecting Ryder Cup swag:

1. Red, white, and blue only. Other colors should be considered blasphemy.

2. No stripes, crests, symbols, or graphics that aren’t the Ryder Cup, American flag, stars, stripes, etc. And especially no corporate logos or clothing company logos. Too many players have deals with other companies that could cause a conflict.

3. No. Red. Pants.

That’s it. It is that easy. Stick to that and you can’t screw it up. Hopefully our boys look better and are holding the cup when they get to Hazeltine in 2016.

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Kirk Takes Boston: Final Thoughts On Deutsche Bank

The Win Should Not Make Him A Captain’s Pick

Chris Kirk shot 73 in round one of the Deutsche Bank on Friday and probably looked into changing his flight out of Logan to Saturday afternoon thinking he’d miss the cut. Then he bettered his opening round by 7 shots and found himself full of confidence trending up the leaderboard throughout the rest of the weekend. He played his last 37 holes 14 under par without carding a single bogey. That’s a minor miracle considering some of the awkward shots he struck in round four, but a few good breaks and made putts go a long ways in hiding your flaws.

Kirk played his last two rounds in Boston with world number 1, Rory McIlroy. He beat Rory by 4 shots playing head to head (though Rory did site mental fatigue has the cause of his average play). If you watched the action you saw Kirk go through much of the front nine unnoticed and somewhat unspectacular, but a birdie on the difficult 9th hole seemed to be a springboard for him into being a serious contender. Things got weird for Kirk on holes 12 through 18. On paper you’ll see that he played said holes at 2 under. If you watched the NBC broadcast you know that he dropped his club on every other shot, missed shots that bounced back in play or found the green via dumb luck, and even missed a short birdie putt on the final hole.

Kirk looked like the guy about to lose the tournament. Meanwhile Billy Horschel was hitting fairways and greens behind him (the group and also trailing Kirk by one shot), which is exactly what you’d expect a tour pro to do when challenging down the stretch. When Kirk made par on 18 and Billy Ho was sitting in the fairway a mere 5 or 6 iron away for his 2nd shot a playoff seemed inevitable. That is until Billy puked on his shoes while hitting what he described as the worst shot he hit all week. No shit. That’d also be the worst shot I hit all week. His ball found the hazard 50 yards or more short of the green. How a tour pro does that on firm fairways with that short of a club in their hands can only be described as a choke.

With the victory, his 2nd of the 2013-2014 wrap around season by the way, Kirk is now being put on the short list of candidates to be picked for Tom Watson’s United States Ryder Cup team. Ummm…….really? Get the fuck out of here. A win doesn’t put you on the map that easily. Kirk has had a decent year, but he hasn’t had a top 10 since the Memorial which was basically in May. His play today under pressure wasn’t exactly the stuff you would see out of a bonafide killer. And his two wins this ‘season’ were handed to him by Billy Horschel (today) and Briny Baird in November. Kirk told the Golf Channel and NBC before the round that he essentially felt the same way. He wants to earn his way on the team and he also has plans to be at the Georgia/Tennessee football game the same weekend as the Ryder Cup. I doubt he would turn down an invite, but I don’t think he should be expecting one either.

But Mrs. Kirk Would Help The US WAG Squad

If Kirk does somehow get picked, his wife Tahnee would greatly improve the eye candy provided by the WAGs attending the event. I’m a big fan of Mrs. Kirk, but I’m not going to sit here and get all pervee talking about her in his victory post. Why not you ask?

Mostly because I already did that in the post that discussed his win at the McGladrey. The other reason being that there’s no new pictures of Mrs. Kirk out there worth looking at.

Making The Cut

The tournament within the tournament at TPC Boston was the coverage of which players would make the cut into the top 70 of the current Fed Ex point standings. Top 70 and up and you’re on to Denver playing Cherry Hills in the BMW Championship next week. Number 71 or higher and your season is done. That’s part of the fun of the Fed Ex playoffs. This side story also helps to fill some time for the broadcast before shit gets real for the leaders on the back nine. On Monday in Boston Jerry Kelly and Ben Crane were under NBC’s microscope for making the BMW field.

Kelly came to 18 first, just as the Golf Channel and NBC transitioned the action to network TV. He thinned a fairway wood from 248 yards out and the shot hit the slope short of the green perfectly to allow Kelly’s ball to snuggle up to 6 feet for an eagle 3. Kelly was now in the BMW field as the 70th ranked player. An hour later Ben Crane came to 18 and made double, which dropped him from 60th to right on the edge of next week’s field. Somehow Crane’s position held, meanwhile Kelly dropped to the 71st spot until Jason Day’s late birdie somehow bumped the player in front of Kelly low enough in the current event to jump Jerry back to 70 on the nose.

I don’t usually care about this shit, but NBC did a decent job of presenting it so viewers knew what was going on and why. I could have given a shit about the outcome for either player, but for some reason (at the time Kelly was on the outside looking in) I found myself pissed at the fact that Kelly could eagle 18 and get bumped while Crane could make 7 and still move on.

Picking The Picks 

If you’re still too boozed up from a long holiday weekend to know that Tom Watson is making his captain’s picks tomorrow, all you need to know is that Golf Channel’s ‘Golf Central’ program will air the announcement live from New York around 6:30 Eastern. I’ve made the case against Kirk as a pick. I think Mahan punched his ticket last week. Keegan has been in for a month. Now its down to Snedeker, Simpson, Kirk, and Bill Haas for the last spot. I can’t justify any other pick at this point.

I’m starting to agree with the Forecaddie for the U.S. picks, but I can’t get passed the whole Mastercard relationship Sneeeeedeker and Watson have. Haas has played too well the last few weeks to ignore him. As for Europe, I’m on a different page than the Man Out Front. There’s no way Westwood isn’t on that team. Who gets left off instead? My gut says Luke Donald. He’s been fucking awful save his last two rounds in Boston. Plus, aren’t McGinley and Gallacher fellow countrymen? I guess we’ll find out soon enough.

WAG of the Month

September is here, and that means a new WAG of the Month must be crowned. Tim Clark’s wife had a good run, but its time to get serious. Chris Kirk’s wife could have got the nod, but he won in September. Meanwhile, Rory McIlroy won a WGC event at Firestone and the PGA Championship at Valhalla. So his girl, Sasha Gale, is getting the nod.

There wasn’t much else to choose from. Mrs. Mahan isn’t herself right now. Camilo’s girl isn’t hot. And the rest of the month belonged to Rory. This was a slam dunk. Now the only question is, is Rors still banging her and who’s going to hack his iCloud account?

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