Lindsey & Elin Are BFFs, Tiger Chipping And Other Hump Day Musings

Nip It In The Bud Now, Tiger

US Weekly and other obnoxious gossip rags reported this week that Tiger’s ex-wife, Elin Nordgren, and his current girlfriend, Lindsey Vonn, are becoming friends. Not just friends, but good friends. It seems as though Elin set up a meeting with Vonn because she wanted to get to know the woman that would be spending quality time with her kids. Then the former Mrs. Woods hit it off with Tiger’s current piece of ass and well….now we’re hearing about it because its kind of weird.

While the whole thing is probably best for Woods’ two young children, this is a mess for Tiger and won’t end well. It also reeks of a sitcom or bad movie story line that will be written in the next year or so. Tiger has enough complication in his life. His bad back, his golf game, his lack of a major for 6 years and counting…….but this might top them all. No one needs their ex talking to their current fuck buddy.

When I first read the story it didn’t seem like it was even worth mentioning, but on second thought I find it a bit strange and fascinating all at the same time. I’ve compared Nordgren and Vonn enough so I won’t rehash the fact that Vonn is a cow in comparison to Elin. The story about Vonn and Elin also includes rumors of Elin even joining Tiger and Lindsey on a recent vacation with the kids. That is even more fucking weird. You’d think Elin would be disgusted by Woods for all the fucking he did behind her back, yet she hangs out and vacations with him? I don’t get it. And the only thing that makes sense in the whole deal is that Elin somehow still thinks she and Tiger might end up together in the future. Is she really that stupid?

More Tiger News

Several golf media outlets reported today that Tiger is now chipping and putting, lightly, as told by Tiger’s agent Mark “Steinie” Steinberg. Steinie also indicated that Tiger’s healing well and hasn’t had any set backs from his recent back surgery. Now the $15B question is, when will he be back?

Just two weeks ago Notah Begay said that Tiger won’t play at Pinehurst in the U.S. Open. I still believe that. The time table just doesn’t work so there’s no fucking way he’s teeing it up in the next major. The small part of me that has any optimism in it thinks we might see him at Hoylake, but I won’t hold my breath. Chipping and putting with no setbacks is a step in the right direction. It’s also a step to the golf business stopping the bleeding in losing $15 billion dollars with Tiger on the mend.

$woosh Swag

As regular readers of SFG know, I don’t mince words when it comes to Nike equipment. I like their dry fit shirts. Their gloves are ok. Some of their outerwear is above average. And other than that I think its mostly shit. So when I tell you that I recently picked up one of the $woosh’s Hyper Adapt Storm-Fit rain jackets and it is pretty good, you should believe me.

That’s the black version that I’ve had for about 6 weeks now. I like the simple look of it, but mine also has a custom logo added to it (minimum order of 6 for that) to pimp it out. For years I haven’t used a long sleeve rain jacket because they don’t allow me to make a normal shoulder turn or swing. This one is different.

The shoulders have a minimal amount of stitching so your arms and shoulders are not hindered or restricted. This also provides some venting and breath-ability that other long sleeve rain jackets don’t have. The material is about as light weight as you’ll find, and my favorite feature…..the zipper…… has a cover at the top of the jacket so that you don’t pinch your beard or stubble in it. Fuck that hurts when it happens. If you’re looking for new outerwear of this ilk, I highly recommend this style/model/brand. The jacket retails for $280 and is also available in grey.

More Euro Tour Fun

There’s nothing more fun and entertaining (golf wise) on the internet than European Tour produced videos that promote their players and events. They’ve given us the gong, Rory v. the Robot, the Happy Gilmore, Tiger hitting balls on a bridge, and countless other classics. To promote this week’s Volvo China Open, Jason Dufner and Ian Poulter played table tennis – or ping pong – against champions of that sport that were brought in as ringers.

I’m not sure I’ve ever seen Duf look so excited and flustered all in one image. What I can’t tell is if Poults and Duf were partners or if the champs took on the golfers in a mismatched contest. That doesn’t seem fair. While I don’t think this video lives up to the others I’ve listed above, it is far better than seeing golfers in garb native to the country they’re playing in, climbing the Great Wall, or sword fighting each other. There’s absolutely truth to the rumor that Duf and Poults went bowling after their ping pong fun. I’m dead serious. This isn’t your father’s communist China anymore.

About these ads
Posted in Equipment, Random Shit, WAGS | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Can Golf Be Dangerous? Ask Pablo Larrazabal

New Meaning For Hitting The Stinger

On Friday at the Malaysian Open, Spaniard Pablo Larrazabal was cruising along and enjoying his round until he encountered the wrath of Mother Nature while walking down the 5th fairway. To no fault of his own. Pablo was suddenly swarmed by 50+ hornets that began to sting him some 20 times. He swatted towels and hats at them until they began to sting him and he was advised by fellow players and caddies to jump in the nearby water hazard to get away from the tiny bastards.

As the video goes on to show, Larrazabal smartly removed his shirt and the contents of his pockets, including his scorecard, before he jumped in the lake. He was treated by medical professionals, given a shot, got a new shirt and played on. Walking the rest of the hole in wet pants Pablo hit his shot from the fairway to less than 20 feet and made the birdie putt.

That is fantastic stuff. I hope that the pros in the states who withdraw from events due to tweaked muscles, allergies, and other made up ailments heard about Pablo’s ordeal, and I hope they stop being pussies when they want to pack up and leave when playing like shit.

Posted in Random Shit | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Calibogue Kooch, Ironic Patrick Reed, & Final Thoughts On Heritage

Final Round 64s Will Get The Job Done Most Weeks

As most of you know, Matt Kuchar has held a share of a tournament lead for consecutive Sundays at some point in each of the last four weeks. As you also know, Kooch hasn’t won the previous three weeks after letting tournaments slip away in San Antonio, Houston, and Augusta. This week at Hilton Head Golly Gee Matty got off to a quick start in round one with a 66 but appeared stuck in neutral with rounds of 73 and 70 in rounds 2 and 3. To finally get his first win of 2014 he’d have to chase down front runner Luke Donald by posting a low Sunday round. Kuchar of course did just that with a phenomenal 64.

Kooch went out in 30 shots on the front nine to race to a 3 shot lead. He held on for dear life on the back nine when Donald began a charge. Matt hit it close at the par three 17th and looked primed to make an easy deuce that should have been enough to put Donald away if Matt could avoid fucking up the 18th. Then this happened:

Oh that’s ugly. I think we all felt him choking (again) at that point – it would have been right on schedule for consecutive Sundays on tour – but a funny thing happened on the way to the clubhouse. With the 18th hole playing extremely difficult into a strong wind, Matt left his 2nd shot in the front green side bunker. Then he simply hit the shot of the week to nearly wrap up his $1.1M check.

After that he had to wait out Donald’s last few holes to see if Luke could force a playoff or if MK would be the man wearing the tartan blazer and getting the trophy. Matt isn’t very good at matching his hats, shirts, pants and shoes in the first place, so the bit of tartan that he received for his win should fit in well with his pleated pants and other nerdy garments in his wardrobe. Congrats to Kooch on a great week and a well deserved win that felt like a month long work in progress.

Show Your Kooch

Sybi Kuchar is apparently one of the most well liked wives and/or girlfriends hanging around the PGA Tour. She seems perfect for Matt in what I’ve read about her personality and was a collegiate tennis jock so she understands the competitiveness that is required of her husband to succeed at the highest level. I hear the two make a dream team for mixed doubles. Sybil is also fairly easy on the eyes, and keeping with ShutFaceGolf tradition, here’s a few glimpses of Mrs. Kooch for you to gawk at while you also contemplate the amount of cash Matt won playing golf this week.

That’s all I got. Mrs. K isn’t showing off the goods for us like we’d hope. But you get the point. Matt’s life doesn’t blow. Hopefully for him, his wife does.

Luuuuukkkke Couldn’t Catch Koooooooch

When dawn broke on Easter Sunday Luke Donald appeared primed to get over his Heritage hump and win again for the first time in nearly two years on the PGA Tour. Luke has finished as the runner up in Harbor Town a few times in recent years (top 5 four of five years) and he was one of the favorites to win the tournament when the week began.

On the front nine I think it became apparent to Donald that Kuchar was on fire and he was going to have to play better to chase him down. Luke then hit his tee shot at the 6th out of bounds. After re-teeing Luke made double bogey. The two shots he wasted with a sloppy tee shot there probably ended up being the difference between winning and finishing 2nd. If not there, you can also look to the shot he pulled in to the hazard off the tee at the 10th that lead to a bogey.

Driving accuracy has long been a weakness in Donald’s game and it was again today when it mattered. I’m sure Luke feels that he played well enough to win and can put a positive spin on his play for the week. After shooting 79 last week at Augusta and missing the cut, I’d think any top finish like this would be a step in the right direction for the former world number 1.

I’m On A Boat

Remember when Patrick Reed won the WGC event at Trump Doral and told the world he thought he was a top five player? Yes, I’ve tried to forget it too because I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. However, in the ultimate twist in irony, Reed’s tee shot at the 18th hole in the 2nd round was hit way left and into the marsh on the edge of the Calibogue Sound. After attempting to play from the marsh, Reed’s near shank advanced only a few yards forward but several more to the left near the yacht seen in this photo below. Note the boat’s name.

Yes, you’re reading that correctly, and this wasn’t photo shopped, the name of the vessel is “Top Five”. If he’d done this on Sunday while in contention, Twitter would have broke the internet.

Reed made the cut but finished T48. In fact, he’s played like absolute shit since his victory a month ago and some dolts are even trying to link this trend to the top 5 comment. Fuck that noise. You want to know why he’s playing poorly? His wife is 8 months pregnant. He’s got other things on his mind. And I’ll call my shot right now, because of the kid coming soon I think it’s highly likely that Reed will have a quiet summer as he’s being broken into fatherhood. A rough stretch from June through August might be enough to bump him off the Ryder Cup team. You heard it hear first.

Posted in Style, Tour Talk, WAGS | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Two More Reasons To Watch Morning Drive

Well Hello There Milk Makers

I don’t normally watch the Golf Channel’s Morning Drive, but if I pass by it and Holly Sonders tits are out I’ll give them……errrrr…….it…. a look. I don’t mind Gary Williams or Charlie Rymer, they know their shit and are typically entertaining. Damon Hack…..fuck me, has anyone ever had a more fitting name. It works whether you’re talking about him as a golfer or a writer. Poor bastard.

Seems like the show should follow its recipe for success (see Sonders, Holly) more closely. More tits and ass, less bullshit from no talent clowns. You may recall that the early stages of the show as its now known had another buxom host that’s been missing for some time. Lauren Thompson left the show due to her pregnancy returned just this week looking different, but still delightful.

That’s Thompson in green, second from our left in first image above, as the crew interviews surprise guest Bubba Watson on Tuesday morning. Lauren had a kid some 100 or so days ago, so I won’t judge her physical appearance (now). But I will give you a gentle reminder of why she was hired and what she looked like when she previously hosted Morning Drive and various other programs on TGC.

Being sporty….

The money shot…..

Squeezing the girls together…..

And a random one of her in a cowboy hat.

Ok, that’s enough. Lauren was obviously a bikini model before she landed her gig on the Golf Channel in 2009. She’s a decent golfer according to her bio and past interviews. The Central Florida grad also hosted a wrestling show that preceded pay-per-view events from 2007 to 2009. My hope is that with Lauren back on MD we see less of Kelly. If that’s the case, let me be the first to say, “welcome back Ms. Thompson”.

Posted in WAGS | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Gerry Likes Waffle House & Tiger Is Out At Pinehurst

Where Else Would A Southern Boy Dine At 4 am? 

You just won the Masters – for a 2nd time, its late, you’re hungry, and you’re of course in Augusta, Georgia. Where do you go? Waffle House of course. Well, in fairness….what else is open? And like Phil Mickelson’s famous trip to Krispy Creme, Bubba ventured out early the morning after his Masters victory for a breakfast fit for a champion.

It is too bad that we can’t tell if Bubba is wearing his green jacket in that selfie. Other than that, this isn’t really news. The most shocking thing about it is that Bubba doesn’t drink alcohol, and no sober person walking this earth should be in a Waffle House that late/early without being completed fucking hammered.

Ohh Fer Twenty Four

In other news, Tiger slappy and Golf Channel pundit Notah Begay has apparently talked to his pal over the weekend and made it clear that Woods isn’t going to be able to play in the U.S. Open at Pinehurst this June. File this under things we saw coming like a freight train down the tracks. The fucker had back surgery less than a month ago. Two weeks ago exactly Begay said that Tiger planned on being back for Pinehurst and I called bullshit.

Here’s what Begay told CBS radio this morning:

“I’ve been in contact with him this week. He missed being at Augusta and certainly was watching the tournament, (but) I think he needs to give (his back) a minimum of 90 days to make sure that scar tissue heals up appropriately and he doesn’t run the risk of re-injuring it. So that would push him past the U.S. Open.”

This news comes on the heals of a Tiger-less Masters that yielded some of the lowest TV ratings in the last decade of the event. Hey, I could give a shit who or how many watch golf on TV, as long as its on I know I’m tuning in. But people that need golf to get ratings, pay bills, buy ads, etc…..they’re shitting bricks. Somewhere in Utah, Johnny Miller is now trying to figure out how to fill about 7 hours of weekend coverage for the U.S. Open that would have otherwise been used to show and analyze Tiger. And if you’re scoring at home, Tiger missing the 2014 U.S. Open means that he’ll be major-less for 6 consecutive years since his win at Torrey Pines in 2008 (0 for his last 24 attempts).

Posted in Random Shit, Tour Talk | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Masters Week: The Finale

Watson’s Wardrobe Grows With 2nd Green Jacket

The guy that played the best won. I don’t think there is any doubt about the preceding statement. At times on Sunday Bubba appeared to dwarf Augusta National unlike almost anyone we’ve seen in modern times save Tiger Woods (or Nicklaus if you’re old enough to have seen him in his prime). Early in the round Jordan Spieth looked like he was ready for a prize fight as he birdied the 4th hole from the bunker to match Bubba’s eventual birdie on the same hole. Watson returned the favor on the 6th after Spieth had knocked his tee shot close. After Spieth’s birdie at 7 and Bubba’s subsequent bogey the 2014 Masters appeared as though it was Jordan’s to lose.

Embedded image permalink

That’s when things started to go awry for Jordan. He bogied the 8th from about 60 yards out in two and had a horrid 3 putt. At the 9th he missed a short par putt. At the 12th he rinsed one in Rae’s Creek. Momentum had left Spieth and was now the 15th club in Watson’s bag. Bubba’s gargantuan length came into play at the 8th as he was one of few players in the field to get home in two on Sunday. From over the green he chipped to near gimmie range for his birdie. Then a sliding birdie putt at the 9th went down for him too.

Watson had Spieth on the ropes in Amen Corner when he blasted a 366 yard slinging slice around the bend at the 13th to leave a gap wedge into the green. His two putt birdie all but slammed Jordan Spieth’s window of opportunity shut. From there Watson would cruise to victory. His challengers were impotent.

Embedded image permalink

Normally when Bubba Watson is in contention he looks like my dog when she’s about to take a shit. Both fidget to the point where they look like they just can’t quite find the right spot to do their business. When Watson won at Riviera earlier this year he looked calm and at peace with his opportunity to succeed. This was a stark contrast to his normal nervous behavior that had been on display two weeks early when Bubba came up short in Scottsdale.

Today was more of the same calm version of Bubba I’m just not used to. Let’s face it, when you already have a green jacket and are a Masters champion you’re playing with house money every time you tee it up on Sunday at Augusta going forward.

Bubba Watson, Masters Sunday


Experience was the other key to Watson’s success and 2nd green jacket. He knows the golf course better than Spieth and I’d estimate that based on what he said in his presser on Sunday night he’s very comfortable with 14 of the tee shots at ANGC. Watson didn’t panic when Spieth got the jump on him after 7 holes. He knew he still had 3 par fives left and only 1 tee shot that didn’t fit his eye. He knew he could chase down Jordan if he had to. He’d been there and done it. Remember, he survived Louis Oosthuizen’s albatross in 2012 and still came out a champion on the other end of it.

What’s next for Watson is anybody’s guess. A major win in a Ryder Cup year virtually assures you of being on the team, and U.S. Captain Tom Watson already tweeted something about seeing Watson at the matches. Bubba also mentioned the Ryder Cup as a tournament that will get his focus as he feels he should be on a winning team for a change.

Several pundits (read Golf Channel lackeys) are proclaiming that Watson could be the top ranked player in the world by the end of the year and could win another major this year. Get the fuck out of here. Bubs is a phenomenal talent, but he’s a horse on a course at Augusta. Sure, he can win elsewhere, but let’s pull back the reigns on this bullshit talk of him winning at Pinehurst, Hoylake, etc. Enjoy what Watson just did and get real about expectations after you’ve sobered up from being drunk on #BubbaGolf.

Standing Ovation For Mr. Spieth

There’s something inherently wrong about me calling a 20 year old kid “mister” anything on this website, but Spieth played well enough to earn as much respect as I can give any professional golfer. Therefore, it doesn’t feel too shameful. Spieth lead the field in greens in regulation and went toe to toe with a recent Masters champion down the stretch at Augusta. In the end his inexperience and raw emotion of being a 20 year old caught up with him. These factors didn’t allow him to execute shots on 8 and 9 that cost him dearly and likely lead to him rinsing his tee shot at the 12th hole too.

Jordan Spieth 1

That being said, I don’t think he blew it or choked, he just got beat. I don’t feel bad for him in any capacity. He’ll have 20 some more chances to contend at Augusta and win. There are no guarantees in life, but Jordan Spieth winning a green jacket is pretty close to one. He finished tied for 2nd without ever having played the tournament before. Now he’s had a taste and I expect that to only push him harder.

Kooch Screwed The Pooch

Matt Kuchar is playing in the prime of his career. He’s not getting 20 more opportunities to win a green jacket like Spieth. He might have 5 good years left, but how many of those can he play his way into contention on the weekend at Augusta? How many other majors will he be a factor in period? I’m not calling him old, or past his prime, I’m merely saying that he blew a golden opportunity today.

Kooch started the final round 1 shot out of the lead and at some point on the front nine he’d drawn even with Spieth and ahead of Bubba. Then Matty went all golly-0-shucks on us and shit the bed. Just like in prior weeks in Texas, Kooch got the lefts when he got tight. He’s had a lead or been tied for the lead for 3 consecutive Sundays on tour and not won. Finishing T5 at a major is never a bad week unless your name is Eldrick Woods, but Matt has to be doing some soul searching this evening wondering if he’ll ever get it done in a major championship.

Winners & Losers Of The Week


Gerald Watson- Keeping with ShutFaceGolf tradition, the tournament winner (I only do these for majors) gets the top billing as the big winner of the week, for obvious reasons. Bubba has only won six times on tour and two of those are at Augusta. I’d take that batting average. It might just get him in the hall of fame someday. As he indicated in his Sunday evening presser, I think this one will end up meaning a little more to him due to his wife and son being just off the 18th green as he knocked in his final putt.

Jonas Blixt and Rickie Fowler - These flamboyant PUMA/Cobra boys put on a good show finishing T2 and T5 respectively. For Blixt this is the highest finish for any male from Sweden in a major, ever. Jonas has a legit short game but he’ll need to learn to keep the ball in play if he wants to get over the hump and start winning on tour. This is also the 2nd major in a row that he has finished in the top 5.

Fowler’s result indicates that his move to work with swing guru Butch Harmon is paying off, big time. We knew this to an extent when we saw his fine play at the WGC Match Play 8 or 9 weeks ago. Rickie finally showing up in a major validates his hard work with Harmon even more so.

Ted Scott -  Having to put up with Bubba blaming you for every missed shot or gust of wind must be maddening. But getting the customary caddie dividend of $1.6M from Bubba’s winning check seems worth it.

That alone makes Ted a winner this week. Being Bubba’s guidance counselor, shrink, and day laborer is all worth it when you can take home bank like that.

Jordan Spieth -  Jordy did everything but win this week. After his hole out from the bunker at the 4th hole Twitter nearly exploded with most of the country calling him the Great American Hero. Holy hyperbole Batman.

SB Nation animated GIF

What I like most about Jordan is the way he handles himself off the course. He’s all class, and if you watched one second of the Golf Channel this week, I’m sure you heard some jack-off on there tell you the same thing. What I like least about this boy wonder is the way he handles himself on the course when things aren’t going his way. Still, it’s easy to over look those antics with everything else that is great about him. He nearly became a legend this today, that gets you on the winner list.

Under Armor and Oakley - I’m curious about how many non-golfers tuned into the Masters in 2014 without Tiger or Phil being involved at all. I’m also curious if any of these non-golfers even knew that Under Armor and Oakley made golf apparel. That information seems 2nd nature to golf nuts like us. But having Spieth and Watson show their sponsor’s goods off so prominently on the biggest day of the year in golf was a big win for both companies. It surely provided a ton of exposure they wouldn’t normally get.

Also of note that I saw on the Tweeter today…. Under Armor signed Jordan Spieth to an endorsement deal on the same day Nike inked Rory to his mega bucks deal in Abu Dhabi in 2013. I’m guessing Spieth’s deal was worth about 1/25 of what $woosh inked Rors for. What a bargain.


Bitch Tits - Another year, another lack luster Masters from Phillip. He made news early in the week by telling us all how he didn’t need all fourteen clubs this week. Cockiness will send you home 36 holes early, FIGJAM.

Tiger - Not even teeing it up in the tourney shouldn’t put you on the loser list. But when your life goal is to win 19 majors and you missed the opportunity to even play in one, well….that’s an issue. And he did it to himself. He’s admitted to having a back problem going back to last year. Why didn’t he get it fixed earlier? Why was he playing so recklessly on it earlier this year? Like I said last year this spot, Elin has Swedish voodoo spells cast on him and they’re very effective.

Bode Miller - Olympic glory’s favorite train wreck made his way to the Masters this week and took in the action mostly from Berckman’s Place. Why he’s a loser is because he tried to take his dang quesadilla on to the property shared by the commoners and that is a no-no. Miller reportedly didn’t like being told what to do by the men in green coats and was nearly escorted off the property. What a douche.

Ian Poulter - Poults is an easy target, so I try to lay off him as much as possible and only give him what for when it is deserved. After he completed his final round at Augusta he jumped on Twitter to tell the world how he played well but this, if that….only 10 shots behind Bubba……blah blah blah. That’s loser talk, mate. You didn’t play well. I couldn’t bite my tongue.

Shockingly, IJP didn’t respond.

CBS - No Tiger, no Phil. Execs at CBS were probably pissing blood from their ulcers all week. That is until they saw that they’d get Bubba and Jordan in the final pairing for Sunday. I bet that got them into a Viagra popping frenzy that ended in blue balls once the final group cleared Amen Corner. Watson and Spieth gave us everything we could want on the front nine today, but we should have known the Masters peaked too early.

The exciting back nine that we’ve come to expect never happened. The roars of the patrons were hushed. And once Bubba’s brilliantly mad/crazy 2nd shot at 15 cleared the H2o, any drama that remained was gone and the air was let out of the balloon. Televisions across the country were turned off or walked away from en mass.

361 Days And Couting

The 2010, 2011, 2012, and 2013 iterations of the Masters were all epic. Most are. Which is why the flatness of what we watched today is such an outlier that I’ll remember as if Zach Johnson (2007) or Trevor Immelman (2008) won. Every year around mid-January I start thinking of the Masters and how we’re less than 100 days until it begins. And every year after winner puts on his new green threads I get all mopey knowing that I have to wait another year for this great week to come around again.

But all good things must indeed end, that’s why that stupid fucking cliche exists. Thoughts of the Players Championship won’t get me through the malaise of the coming weeks, but Tiger making a comeback in June and pegging it at Pinehurst? Now you’re cooking with gas.

Posted in Majors, Tour Talk | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Masters Week: Round 3

Passing The Quarter Pole

Saturday at Augusta National went pretty much to script as far as I’m concerned. Bubba couldn’t hold or extend his lead, Freddie didn’t make a charge, and red hot players like Fowler and Kuchar did enough to get themselves back into contention. Miguel Jimenez’ blistering 66 and Jordan Spieth’s heady 70 were the two guys that did what I didn’t expect them to do.  The Mechanic’s round really came out of nowhere. It was completed before CBS even came on the air, that’s how far back he was after 36 holes. He only made the cut by a shot. I expected Spieth to drop back on Saturday. That’s been his trend in 2014, and a 20 year old in his first Masters…..he had 76 written all over him in my eyes.

Now both players are one step closer to wearing a green jacket. So are about 15 other guys not named Watson or Couples, because those two of course already have a jacket hanging in their space in the Champion’s locker room. The home stretch is now in front of us and this is indeed a horse race with several thoroughbreds running wide to the finish at the final turn. Who’s going to take the whip and stick their nose out over the finish line of the year’s first major?

The Case For And Against Bubba

Gerry “Bubba” Watson shooting 74 on Saturday isn’t a death sentence for his run at another green jacket. Case in point, he didn’t score well and he’s still tied for the lead and playing in the final group on Sunday. That means something when about 17 of the last 20 champs at Augusta have come from the final group. Don’t quote me on that number, but it is near there. A closer look at Bubba’s Saturday round shows that he really didn’t play poorly. He missed his spots on a few holes and left himself in some goofy places to negotiate a par from. All errors must have been caddie Ted Scott’s fault. Bubs is really the only guy remaining of the contenders that is essentially playing a par 68. He will hit iron for his 2nd shot on every par 5 to reach the green. That huge advantage shouldn’t be under estimated.

His real issue was with his putter. His balky stroke that looks like a jerky deceleration sneaked back into his bag over the last 10 to 12 holes. There’s no way he should make pars on those back nine par 5s hitting drives like he did. He knows he left a few out there, but he also knows he got his bad round out of the way. I think he’ll be right in the hunt in the closing holes on Sunday. Will he have the chops to win? We’ll have to wait and see how Jesus feels about that. I think the best thing for him might be someone getting out to a hot start to take the nerves off of Watson as the leader. We know he doesn’t play well as the front runner. His track record is clear in this regard.

Sell Spieth Stock

Only for a short term gain that is. The young Texan is on the verge of a superstar career (no shit). But I’m having a hard time thinking tomorrow will be his break through performance. The pressure of the back nine on Sunday at the Masters is going to be too much for him. Fuck, I’m correct about as much as a broken clock, but Jordan’s never been anywhere close to this situation. Rory had a 4 shot lead 3 years ago and look what happened to him.

I’m not predicting an 80, and he may very well win tomorrow, but smart money says otherwise. Whatever happens, Jordan will learn tons just from the experience and grow from it. I think Rickie Fowler will suffer a similar fate as Spieth tomorrow. For either to win a Masters at this stage of their careers is asking too much.

The Rapist…ERRRRR…… The Mechanic

Miguel Jimenez, the man, the myth, the legend. How many 50 somethings can shoot 66 on the weekend in Augusta? Three. Hogan, Fred Couples, and the Mechanic. That’s a pretty solid group of old golfers. While his 66 was good for the low round of the tourney to this point, I find it hard to believe that he could back that up with a round of 69 or better on Sunday. He’s old. He shot his load. 73 sounds about right.

He won’t go away easily. He’ll fight like the killer in a horror movie to stay alive, but eventually the golf course will beat him. Miguel hits it about 50 yards or more shorter than Bubba Watson. That’s a huge disadvantage to have to over come and it’s looms even larger when playing a course with four par 5s like Augusta National’s.

The Field

If not Bubba Watson, I think the winner will come out of the pack by posting something low and watching challengers on a television in Butler Cabin. Kuchar would be the exception here as he’ll be the second to last group on the courese. A 68 or better from Matt could be enough to earn his first major. I have no fucking clue what to expect from guys like Furyk, Blixt, Bjorn, and Westwood. I think they’re all wildcards in this thing. Westie and Jim’s track record’s say to bet against them, but both are resilient and glutton for heartbreak. My gut says both play well enough to be edged out right at the end.

That guy, yeah him….right there. Look out for him. Through 12 holes in round 1 Justin Rose was 6 over par. Missing the cut was inevitable. Now he’s 2 under and 3 back of the lead. Simple math should tell you that Rosie is 8 under over his last 42 holes. He’s close enough to see the leaders, playing well, and far enough down the leaderboard to be under the radar. After winning at Merion last year he knows how to close on a Sunday in a major. I expect JR to be in the thick of the hunt as he plays the back 9 of the final round.

Rors And The Marker

Because an odd number of players made the cut for the weekend at the Masters, the guy in DFL had to play with a non-competitive marker on Saturday morning. The Men of the Masters make it so, you can’t say no thank you and play as a single. Therefore, Rory McIlroy played with ANGC club champion Jeff Knox.

Word circulated quickly after the first twosome had finished that Knox beat Rory by a shot (70 to 71) even though he three putted the final hole. I hope he records that for his handicap. It would likely be about a +7 differential to the course rating. Rory thought Knox missed his 69th shot on purpose just to try to have the match and show sportsmanship.

This isn’t Knox’ first rodeo. He’s played as a marker several times over the years and many players are aware of who he is and his reputation. Jim Furyk even stated that Knox could beat half the field that makes the cut any given year. Knox reportedly played with Sergio Garcia in 2006 and Garcia asked to make a bet on their round to keep things interesting. Garcia lost and didn’t shake Knox’ hand afterwards. Yup, a dick is always a dick.

From The Quarter Pole To A Quarter Poll

So who ya got? It’s Sunday with every thing on the line. Thoroughbreds and savvy veterans grace the leaderboard. If you had to make a $100 bet on a player to come out on top tomorrow, who would you take? Weigh in via the poll and lets see how smart SFG readers are. I’ll take Kuchar, just because, but ask me after my Sunday breakfast and I might just switch the pick to Rose.


Posted in Majors, Tour Talk | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Masters Week: Round 2

Halfway Home

As exciting as a weekend at the Masters is, I know we’re all a little sad that the best week of golf is nearly over. At the same time, now that we’ve sifted out the shit and the cut has been made, we’re really just getting started. Take a look at the leaderboard to get an idea of where things stand.

2014 Masters TournamentRnd2

Bubba Watson was phenomenal today. I didn’t think he could back up his opening 69 with a lower score, but he did…..and did so in style. Bubs birdied holes 12 through 16 to light the back nine on fire. Through 36 holes he’s only made two bogies and is 2nd in the field in greens in regulation. Bubba told the media after his round that hitting greens is his secret to success at ANGC. Captain fucking obvious.

With a 3 shot lead some #twitternerds are already giving Watson a 2nd green jacket. Don’t kid yourself. He can be a mental midget and this is the Masters. Anything can happen. Just ask Bill Haas. I told you yesterday that I expected Haas to be over par in round 2. He didn’t let me down. I expected a 74 or 75, not 78. To hit 10 more shots than he did in round 1 makes me think he didn’t sleep too well on Thursday night with the lead.

John Senden on the other hand started out with a few bogies after a 72 in round 1, then made 6 birdies on the way back to the barn to jump all the way up to 2nd place and earn a spot in the final pairing for Saturday. Sendo is only a month removed from winning on tour in Tampa. He seems like a complete long shot to be the guy getting fitted for a green jacket on Sunday. How he holds up playing with Bubba in round 3 will tell us plenty. We know John hits it great, but how will he putt under the pressure of the weekend?

To no one’s surprise the silver fox that is Fred Couples is lingering around the top 5 heading in to the weekend. We’ve seen this script too many times. Fred comes to Augusta, finds fountain of youth, fades on the weekend. If you’re a big Fred fan, be prepared for golf blue balls by tomorrow around dinner time. I’m not trying to be a Fred hater. I’d like nothing more than a win from him just so I can see more of girlfriend Nadine Moze. She’s a sexy tart.

As for everyone else that made the cut, I think you can count out any player over par at this point, those guys at EVEN or better are in it, but they need to go low tomorrow. I’m talking to you Kuchar, Spieth, Walker, Westwood, and Snedeker.

Trunk Slammers

No one expected Phil Mickelson to miss the cut this week in Augusta. After all, he hasn’t missed one since Tiger’s throttling of the golf course in 1997. Which makes me wonder, is Tiger missing from the field the juice that Phil didn’t have for the week? It very well could be. Phil has said on more than one occasion that beating Tiger is a motivating factor for him.

He even told the golf journos earlier this week that he misses Tiger not being at the Masters and said it didn’t feel the same without him. Maybe these two are like an old married couple that when one of them dies, the other dies of loneliness or a broken heart only a few days or months later. Sounds kinda gay, but I think there’s something to it, at least in FIGJAM’s mind.

Patrick Reed missing the cut is shocking only to him and maybe some pundits that were not paying attention. Reed had never hit a ball in a major until yesterday. He’s a very aggressive player by nature. Put those two things together and a missed cut seemed likely. On his way out the door Reed let his play and the golf course get to him. He said some colorful F-bombs and even threw a little tantrum. I love shit like that. @NoLayingUp (who is worth a follow on Twitter if you’re not already doing so) had the following tweet with the vine of Reed’s sailor speak.

Probably the most surprising turn of events on Friday were those of Aussie Marc Leishman. Leishman shot a smooth 70 in round one, then went out and birdied the first 3 holes on Friday to vault to the top of the leaderboard. I was feeling pretty good about my call yesterday that he’d not only contend into the weekend, but he’d likely win. He was 5 under through 21 holes. then played his last 15 in 10 over par to miss the cut. That’s a complete dumpster fire of a round. There’s no other way to explain it other than Leish must have looked up at the leaderboard, saw his name at the top and thought, “I’m fucking March Leishman, I can’t win the Masters.” See ya!

Rors Wild Ride

Did it seem to anyone else like every time ESPN showed Rory today he was in the tree trying to figure out how to hit his next shot? That’s usually a bad sign if you haven’t been paying attention to much of the round other than those shots. Maybe he was trying to hide from his girlfriend and her Easter Egg hair, I dunno. McIlroy’s round was complete garbage. First off, how the fuck does a guy with his ability make a 6 on any par 5 at Augusta National, let alone two of them?

Then on the 4th hole Rory made an even more head scratching decision. Earlier in the week he had the Nike tech nerds tweak his 4 iron by a degree or two so he could carry the bunker on the par three 4th hole without altering his swing. So what does he do on Friday? He leaves the 4 pack in the bag and tries to cut a 5 wood softly on to the green.

Yes, the wind probably made him think he needed more stick, but the 5 wood shot ended up so long that it bound behind Adam Scott getting ready to play his tee shot on the 5th hole. He must have been close to 35 yards long and ended up having to re-tee after taking an unplayable due to his ball being so close to the fence line marking the boundary of the golf course. Then on the 13th hole he hits a perfect drive only hit a sprinkler head on his approach to the green and ends up in the azaleas. Clearly it wasn’t his day.

Do you see Rory’s face in the cinnamon roll above? How can you not? Well some dope also saw it earlier in the week and decided it was a sign that he should make a large wager on Rory to win the Masters. I’m guessing that schmuck wishes he had started his day with a bagel now thanks to Rory’s 2nd round 77.

Posted in Majors, Tour Talk, WAGS | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Masters Week: Round 1

No Mas Haas

Who had Bill Haas leading after round 1 of the Masters? Go ahead, raise your hand. Probably not many of you unless your last name is also Haas or you are related to Bill in some fashion. Not that Bill isn’t a worthy player, he clearly is. He’s a former Fed Ex champion and multiple winner on the PGA Tour. Have you ever seen him hit a golf ball? I have, at Amen Corner actually, and I sat there wondering how he doesn’t win more often.

Bill’s day at Augusta was a pretty good one as far as 1st rounds of majors go. He made 6 birdies and two bogies. Those two boxes on his scorecard and his choice of pants were the only mistakes he made all day. Tomorrow is huge for him. A round of 71 or better should keep him near the lead or in it. Does he have that in him? We’ll have to wait and see. I’ll set the over/under for Bill’s 2nd round at 72.5 and take the over. Play hard William.

Fire Power At The Top

Outside of Mike Weir and a few others, flukes don’t usually get it done at the Masters. In defense of Weir, he was a top player in 2003, so me calling him a fluke really isn’t fair either. Take a look at the leaderboard after play ended in round 1.

2014 Masters TournamentRound1

We’ve discussed Haas, now throw in Woodland, Snedeker, Walker, Watson, Scott and Oosthuizen and you have some guys that are some of the best players in the world right now. Watson and Oostie could be on a collision course for another Sunday duel for the jacket. Rory isn’t even listed on page 1, but he too is only a few shots back at 1 under with young Jordan Spieth. This thing is going to stay bunched at the top and we could be running 7 or 8 wide down the home stretch on Sunday. That’s what we’re all hoping for, right? Keep your fingers crossed.

Bitch Tits

Oh, Phillip….that 76 has taken you right out of the hunt before you could even get in it. I don’t know why this cat wants late tee times in early rounds at Augusta. You know he’s like a crack head wanting more smack in the morning while he waits to get on the course. He seemed ready to make something happen after 6 pars to start, but he putted like a blind midget on the 7th green to walk off it with a triple. After that dumpster fire he started chasing it. He seemingly erased the triple by the middle of the back nine but went on to make another 7 at the 15th hole. F-U-G-L-Y.

He’s done. Seriously. Stick a fucking fork in him. And you have to wonder about his injuries, specifically his back and strained oblique. After the triple at 7, FIGJAM hit an iron off the 8th tee which is a par five. Huh??? That’s not Phil. This decision almost broke Twitter. Most tweeps speculated that he’d tweaked something and didn’t want to go hard at a driver at that point in his round. I still don’t get it and I don’t know if he explained it post-round. I’d bet a paycheck that in nearly 100 competitive rounds at the Masters Phil has never hit an iron off the tee at 8.


When I saw Lee Westwood at 45 to 1 odds I put money on him. I couldn’t turn it down. Lee’s not out of it, but after watching him pull his 2nd shot at 13 nearly off ANGC property I think its safe to say his game isn’t major ready this week. Picking another Aussie to win that learned a lot from his 2013 experience seemed like an obvious move. So in my other pick’em that involves money I took what I considered a safe pick in Jason Day. He fit the profile. But he shot 75 and is probably fucked too.

In all my analysis of the 2014 Masters I over looked the Aussie that played with Adam Scott last year in the final round. Remember when Scott made his putt at 18 to birdie his 72nd hole?



There was Marc Leishman in the background rooting on his countryman. He contended last year, and like Bubba, Scott, and others, Marc seems to have figured out Augusta National. Leish didn’t do anything to knock your socks off on Thursday but there he is at -2 with a solid 70. I think he’s going to shoot something in the 60s tomorrow that will be good enough for him to be in the final few groups on Saturday. If I could get a mulligan on my picks to win for the week, I’d take one and use it on him without a second thought.

Dumb Donald

Nearly every player that hit it in the drink at 15 asked for a rules official to assist them with their drop thanks to what happened to Tiger last year with #dropgate. Thanks to such cautiousness there wasn’t any real controversy until right at the end of the day when Jimmy Nantz dropped a nugget of information on us.

Nantz indicated that at the 9th hole Luke Donald played from the greenside bunker and didn’t advance his ball out of it. Without thinking, Donald took a swipe at the sand and grounded his club in a bunker his ball was still in. That’s a big problem and the officials watching Donald’s group were all over it. They didn’t mention it to him during his round but as he came to the scoring area he was greeted by officials so they could discuss the events of the 9th hole. Donald tweeted the following:

In short, Luke’s 6 at the 9th turned into an 8 and his 77 into a 79. On Friday he’ll have to have a better than average round just to make the cut. I’ll give Luke credit for owning his mistake and admitting it was stupid, but I’m curious why his caddie didn’t step in to stop him or alert him to what he’d done. It never ceases to amaze me that guys playing for millions of dollars don’t know the rules better.

Posted in Majors, Style, Tour Talk | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Masters Week: Day (Par) 3

Player’s Parable Pertaining To Palmer’s Poop

You absolutely read that right. Today before the Par 3 Contest began the Black Knight himself stopped by the Golf Channel’s ‘Live From’ set to chat with Steve Sands. Before anyone could blink or hit the dump button Gary went off on some tangent about playing in Japan years ago with Palmer when the King took a shit on the green. What. The. Fuck?

In some capacity Palmer owns part of the Golf Channel, so the fact that Sands or anyone else from the network didn’t follow up with more questions about Player’s story is not a surprise. However, somebody from another media outlet has to get to the bottom of this.

Embedded image permalink

(Yes, that is the Big Break’s Meghan Hardin’s right tit you’re starring at.)

I still can’t believe what I heard. Either Player is losing it or Arnie has some sort of irritable bowel syndrome that his army has been protected from for a quarter of a century or longer. Player is becoming fairly active on Twitter. I’m guessing he retracts what he said or tries to explain it to a degree in the coming days.

Short Course In Short

As I wrote last year, the Masters Par 3 Tournament is great for me for about 20 minutes. Then all the schmaltzy bull shit kicks in and I’m done. Cute kids aside, watching Palmer, Player, and Jack limp around the short course is painful after a hole or two. Nicklaus did put a charge into the place for a brief moment when he had a mini birdie barrage.

In the end it was Ryan Moore taking home the crystal with a 6 under score of 21. That’s one off the course record. As most of you know, no player has ever won the Par 3 Contest and the Masters in the same year. This is the Par 3 Jinx. Moore told the media he doesn’t believe in the jinx and therefore had no fear when he knocked in his birdie putt on the final hole that would surely clinch a win. Many of his fellow competitors in the same spot would have let their kid putt out or intentionally hit their tee shot in the water. I believe in the jinx. Ryan is fucked.

The Drop Revisited

If you’re an avid reader of this site you’ve probably read my (multiple) knocks on SI Golf Group’s Alan Shipnuck over the last 15 months. I typically disagree with Alan and his liberal elitists opinions. I even nominated him for my year end Shutter Award for the 2013 Whiny Bitch of the Year. For all my shots at him, I’ll put my animosity aside to give credit where credit is due. Alan posted a piece today that revisits #dropgate from the 2013 Masters.

As I’m sure you all recall, #dropgate refers to the illegal drop Tiger Woods ended up taking on the 15th hole in round 2 of last year’s tournament. Tiger was assessed a penalty 15 hours after his round was complete and after he signed for a lower score. Instead of being disqualified, the Men of the Masters allowed him to play into the weekend but with a two shot penalty added to his total.

A year later Shipnuck revisits the ordeal in his own words with a look behind the scenes, the politics, the grudges, and all the drama. Alan left nothing out and if you love inside info about Augusta, how it operates, or Tiger Woods, I highly recommend reading the entire piece. Nice work Mr. Shipnuck. The article is linked below:

Tiger Woods and the Drop: An inside look at golf’s most controversial pardon

Caroline’s Hair

Almost as bizarre as a story involving Arnold Palmer shitting on a green in Japan, Rory McIlroy’s fiance showed up today to caddie for her guy in the Par 3 Contest……with pink hair. Ms. Wozniacki is far from attractive, IMO, even without making herself look like some kind of emo raver. Did she really feel the need to draw extra attention to herself the day before Rors tees it up as the favorite at a major he so dearly wants to win?

Look at Rory’s face. He seems a little put out by her new style. I don’t blame him. I dumped a girl in college because she got a bad (short pixie style) haircut. Rory should do the same, but I doubt he’s got the stones to break off the engagement.

No Shoes No Service

U.S. Amateur champion Matt Fitzpatrick is in the field this week at the Masters thanks to his win last summer at Brookline. However, his usual caddie won’t be on the bag. Lorne Duncan is the caddie’s name and Golf Digest broke the story this afternoon about his absence. Duncan came across the pond with intentions of looping for Fitzpatrick, but he has a foot injury that won’t allow him to wear actual shoes while doing his job. Duncan has been wearing sandals on most courses to be able to walk in comfort. At Augusta National, that’s a big no-no. When given the bad news Duncan went ape shit on Twitter with the following rant:


He’s since apologized for the rant. I’m just guessing here, but it seems highly likely the Masters Tournament Director won’t be sending Duncan a Christmas card this year, or vice versa.

Site News, Countdown Gone

The widget in the upper right hand corner, when not being taken over by some bull shit advertisement, started out in 2013 as the Bitch Tits Tax-O-Meter that tallied Phil Mickelson’s tax obligation for the previous calendar year. In January it became the Masters Countdown Clock. Now that the eve of the Masters is upon us it is time for another change. Going forward I’ll be featuring a WAG (wives And girlfriends of tour players) of the Month.

Amanda Dufner

The March WAG of the month would be featured in the widget for the month of April until she is unseated by a new WAG in the following month, and so on. Because I’m starting the honor this month, I won’t backdate a winner for months already gone by. In early May I’ll crown a winner for April. For now, a place holder will be used and for those purposes the place holder will be Mrs. Jason Dufner. Amanda Dufner won the Shutter for WAG of the year in 2013. Her being the inaugural WAG of the month seems only fair and fitting.

Rise And Shine

As the countdown clock shows, we’re only a few hours away now, and I’m like a 5 year old kid on Christmas morning. Meaning, I too will likely wet the bed tonight. Arnold, Jack, and Gary will put their balls in the air as honorary starters at 7:40 am on Thursday morning. Online and television coverage is as follows:


10:45 AM – 6:00 PM
Amen Corner live video coverage

11:00 AM – 1:00 PM
Masters – On The Range live video coverage

11:45 AM – 7:00 PM
Hole Nos. 15 and 16 live video coverage

12:00 PM – 7:30 PM
Featured Group 1 live video coverage
Featured Group 2 live video coverage

3:00 PM – 7:30 PM
Masters In-Depth live video coverage highlights


ESPN Coverage for TV comes on at 3 pm Eastern Time, with supplemental coverage mirroring what is available online on DirecTV available at the same time. Too bad you’ll have to until Saturday for your Jimmy Nantz fix.

“Hello friends.” 

Posted in Majors, Random Shit, Site News, Style, Tour Talk, WAGS | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments