TW Is 50/50 And Gerry Did NYC: Hump Day Musings

The Tiger Whisperer

As far as we know, Tiger Woods is completely healthy yet we have no idea if he will enter the Masters that is 15 days away. That thought is hard to fathom, but is it really any different than where he was in 2010 when TW was in sex rehab and had not yet said what his Masters plan was? What we’ve found out since the 2010 Masters is that Tiger’s decision to play that year essentially cost him his marriage to Elin Nordgren. She was willing to give him another chance to work on their relationship if he could put her before golf. Think about that. He ended a marriage to the mother of his two kids for another shot at major glory. He was ruthless.

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Flash forward to 2015 and we’ve reached the point where the greatest player of our generation has lost his confidence to the point where he might not play in the Masters because he doesn’t know if he can compete. Fuck me. That’s pure crazy talk, but it is also exactly what is going on in his head. In five short years he’s completely lost his edge, but I suppose that is better than him being delusional. If he doesn’t show up to Augusta, stick a fork in him. His superior mental toughness that made him what he was has left him like Elin did and it will never return. The scar tissue is too thick. There is no coming back.

Those are some pretty dark thoughts, but they’re very real right now. The one glimmer of hope for Tiger fans is that Notah Begay thinks the odds of Tiger playing have improved. Begay put a number on it today saying it was 50/50 that Woods would play. I poked fun at those odds on Twitter because those are the mathematical odds of any outcome. Notah didn’t tell us anything, nor do I think he knows anything. We’ll find out soon because Tiger will likely need to let the Men of the Masters know by early next week if he’s going to show his mug at their invitational. They’ll need to know to plan accordingly. Stay tuned.

Fish Out Of Water

The reigning Masters Champion must be contractually obligated to do a New York press circuit two weeks before the year’s first major. I believe Adam Scott did it last year. And why the hell else would Bubba jump at the chance to be in the Big Apple for 3 days? Gerry did every popular show you can think of and took to the town with the young female Drive, Chip, and Putt Champion who’s name escapes me. First stop, the Tonight Show with host Jimmy Fallon, where he played a little game of Pie Golf.

Did you see Watson check out Jones’ when he shook her hand? Run it again. Hey, how can you not? She’s got great…pies.

And did that fucker cheat at Pie Golf? I think he did. He played out of turn and gained an advantage. I think he also looked around for Ted Scott when he missed on his first shot but had no one to blame but himself. Weird.

Watson also discussed his strange burrito habit with Jimmy after Pie Golf. He said in 2012 when he first won the Masters his wife wasn’t there (must be why he wore the same outfit every day too) because they’d just recently adopted their son. Therefore, he ate whatever he wanted, which was a burrito or two everyday. In 2013 he didn’t win with the Mrs. there giving input on his meals. In 2014, with the wife in toe, he went back to burritos and won again. Sounds bizarre, but this is Bubba we’re talking about. It also sounds like a future franchise, Bubba’s Burritos. Did he just tip us off to the Champions Dinner menu too?

That evening the Tonight Show also featured the Villanova pep band chick that was caught crying on camera when her team lost over the weekend. So she and Gerry bonded over something they had in common with this photo op.

I guess its good that he at least knows he’s a crier.

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Matt Every (Year I Win At Bay Hill) Wins At Bay Hill: Final Thoughts On AP Invite

Better Late Than Never

Yes, I left you in a lurch on Monday. You woke up, you grabbed your iPad, you went to take a shit……and there was no Monday morning ShutFace post to get your through it. Hopefully for you everything came out okay without me. If not, eat more fiber. As for Sunday’s golf, it was yet another entertaining final round of the Florida swing, with Matt Every holding off an angry Henrik Stenson down the stretch of the Mastercard Arnold Palmer Invitational. Yes, that’s the same guy that won it last year.

In 2014 Matt Every held on as Adam Scott folded down the stretch. And just like last year, a top ranked player with a balky putter gave Every an opening that he capitalized on with clutch shots and great rolls of his own. He did so after telling the media how awful he putted on Saturday. What did he do to fix it? Naturally, he changed putters right before his final round began. He made almost everything with the new wand, including this clutch birdie on the 72nd hole for a 1 shot lead:

ONIONS! I don’t know if I’m more surprised that he made the winning putt, or that Miller called it and got it right. Regarding Miller –  broken clock theory, right twice every day. This is Every’s 2nd career win. He’s somewhat local to Orlando and went to Bay Hill as a kid to watch the pros play. Now he’s living his dream and he’s won at Arnie’s place twice. When the Golf Channel got the camera in front of the API champ he was emotional about his accomplishment. It was easy to see what it meant to him. Like I said last year when he won, he’s easy to root for.

Mrs. Every

You saw her. Mother of two, seems nice, but I’m not going there with this one. Matt’s wife is a ginger, full blown, red hair. If there’s one rule about this site its that we don’t give gingers a second look. They have no souls.

That’s that.

The Field

Every’s win means that the tour’s streak of having different winners for each event of the year continues. In other words, no one has won twice since the wrap around season started after the Ryder Cup last fall. Is that good for golf? Yes and no. Its only a matter of time until someone gets it going and knocks off a 2nd trophy for 2015.

Behind Every’s group was the twosome of Henrik Stenson and Morgan Hoffman. One of these two should have won. There’s no sugar coating that. Stenson seized control after Hoffman started making sloppy bogies over his last 10 holes. The Ice Man barely missed a shot all week and he hit it close enough that making putts wasn’t completely necessary for him to win. If he 2 putts both 15 and 16, instead of 3 putting he wins by a shot without making a putt over 7 feet for the whole fucking round. His only silver lining was that finishing 2nd moved Henrik to 2nd in the world rankings behind Rory McIlroy. Bubba dropped to 3rd.

Stenson’s comments were a bit more interesting than his putting woes, although according to him the two are related. Stenson and Hoffman were putt on the clock on the 15th hole, the site of his first 3 jack. They were a hole behind on the front nine and of course no one was behind them waiting. Henrik feels as though the final group in the final round deserves a bit of leeway with them being timed and that tour officials that warned them about being clocked influenced the tournament outcome. The group was behind. And on the 9th hole Stenson took close to two minutes to replace his mark (moved to allow Hoffman to putt), his ball, and knock in a four footer for par. That’s ridiculous. Stenson needed to be warned, but the Tour doesn’t actually dole out penalties for such infractions. He should have just said fuck it and continued on his way as is.

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Hoffman’s issues were more nerve related. He had a 3 shot lead with 10 holes left. Easy shots became harder. He over thought them. The free swinging kid that played so well for 63 holes stopped having fun. This was most clear at the final hole where, according to Hoffman, some of the patrons were harassing him. Apparently some cat calls caused his wretched snap hook to go out of bounds and made for an easy double bogey. Hoffman will learn from this. He’s too good not to get another shot soon.

Shots Of The Week

If you saw a minute of the AP Invite, you probably saw the Co-Shots Of The Week from Bay Hill. How could you not? First there was the 2 made by Daniel Berger on Saturday at the par five 6th hole. Yes, a fucking two on a par 5!

Before Berger’s shot there had never been an albatross in Bay Hill’s history. So of course a 2nd occurred just 24 hours later when Zach Johnson holed his 2nd shot from the fairway at 16.

Twitterverse went ape shit. Why? Because what should a deuce on a five par be called? Purists say it can only be an albatross. That is fine by me, but there’s a whole other group that wants to say double eagle. These are probably the same folks that drink wine from a box and get drunk of hard lemonade, but I’ll let you make the call. Hit the poll so we can hash this out once and for all.

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Another Week, Another Wednesday: More Hump Day Musings

Yes, I Realize These Often Don’t Get Published Until It Is Nearly Thursday

But I know you want them, I know you need them, and I won’t let you down. It is a slow week as the Tour has moved from Tampa to Orlando. While several top players are playing at the Arnold Palmer Invitational presented by Mastercard, there isn’t much hullabaloo around the event with Tiger still sitting out scared. Yes, I said scared. I think he’s being a big fucking pussy about golfing right now, but I digress.

Some of the news that has come out this week involved the passing of the torch from Tiger. What I’m talking about is video game maker EA Sports announcing that Rory McIlroy is the new face of EA’s golf game. EA dumped Tiger nearly a year ago. They’ve released rumblings of their newest game for a few months but haven’t given out much information. On Monday we learned that Rory will be the EA’s guy. It makes sense for the world number 1 to be the face of such a game and its another bullet piercing Tiger’s thin armor. The kid is taking over and Tiger is out. Get with it.

Other than Rory being the title figure of EA’s product, the various press releases didn’t give much specific information. Here’s what else we know: Frank Nobilo has replaced David Feherty and Rich Lerner has replaced Jim Nantz. We’re also told the game should be out in June, just in time for the U.S. Open. What does any of that mean? It means the Golf Channel’s profile is on the rise with two of their guys in the game (yes, I know Frank also has a CBS gig now). But no Nantz also likely means no Augusta. Sorry gamers. The most treasured golf course in the world just went back into hiding. The interwebs have noted that Nantz being involved was a big deal maker for getting ANGC into EA’s product. This game better be damn good if it is going to be able to overcome not having Tiger or the Masters – two large omissions from EA’s “in the game” slogan.

Speaking Of The Golf Channel

When the Golf Channel lost Holly Sonders to Fox, they lost millions of horny golfer eyeballs with her. I don’t need to look up the numbers to know that their Morning Drive program gets significantly less viewers sans Ms. Sonders. TGC has brought many a female hosts through their studio doors in an effort to replace Holly. They haven’t come close, however, I do feel it is my duty to introduce you to one of their replacement efforts. Meet Annabel Rolley, a host of Lesson Tee Live (a show Sonders was involved in).

She’s cute, but like cuddly cute. Annabel is an Australian professional golfer who never quite made it to the LPGA. Donald Trump saw how cute she was and snatched her up as a teaching pro. Then Fox Sports gave her a shot on TV.

I don’t mind that Dorthy-Wizard-of-Oz look and this clip or her isn’t bad either.

Like I said, she’s cute. What I don’t enjoy is her look on Lesson Tee. I feel like Golf Channel tried to give her that Euro-bull-dyke-Annika look. Why?

It doesn’t work. Come on, Golf Channel. The template is there. Look at her other pics, look at her work from Fox – now get it fucking right and I’ll start watching. Form fitting shirts, low cut collars, a new do……throw in that Aussie accent and I’m in.

Degenerate Gambling Is A Lifestyle, Not A Hobby

The Masters is now only 3 weeks away. That means everybody and their mom is talking about who they want to bet on to win. This came up last week as some of my friends were sending cash with a guy heading to Vegas to make bets ‘legally’ for once. If you have access to make such a wager, there really is quite a bit of value out there. Betting Rory does you no good. 6 to 1 odds? Ehhhh……he won’t win anyway. I don’t like Jason Day at his current 15 to 1 either. So who do I like? Here’s the short list.

Bubba Watson 18/1 – that can’t be right, is it? A quick fact check says 11/1 elsewhere. A unit on the guy that has won 2 of 3 Masters seems like a decent value no matter how much you despise him.

Phil Mickelson 25/1 – lefties at Augusta, and this one is just about due again.

Matt Kuchar 35/1 – I’ve seen this at 40/1, and of course that would add more value to the pick. My thought here is that he’ll probably play well, probably top 10, and one of these times that’ll be good enough for the damn thing to fall in his lap.

Dustin Johnson 25/1 - down from 35/1. He’s hot, Vegas must not think he can putt well enough to win. He’s also not ‘on the board’ at some establishments. Weird.

Charl Schwartzel 55/1 – former champ, his game is coming around.

Lee Westwood 55/1 - look at how many top 5 finishes he’s had at the Masters. Not bad for a guy with a shit short game.

Louis Oosthuizen 65/1 - I’ve also seen Louis at 85/1. Either way, a 2012 runner up to Bubba who, quite frankly, should have won that year. He looked to be turning a corner at Doral but sucked in Tampa last week. I think he’s still worth a small investment.

Bill Haas 85/1 - for Haas it all hinges on how much that new baby at home is impacting his practice time, etc. Well, that and making some putts.

JB Holmes 90/1 – Would you believe that 6 weeks ago his odds were 250/1? That’s crazy for a guy that won at Quail Hollow last year.

Marc Leishman 125/1 – Remember when Marc played in the final group with Adam Scott when he won in 2013? Of course you don’t. No one does.

That’s it. That’s who I like. Who’s your horse? Speak up, place your bets, then drop it below in the comments so we can come back and see how brilliant you were on April 13th.

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Speith Superior In Tampa: Final Thoughts On Valspar

More Fun Than Watching Paint Dry

All you can ask for during a nondescript tournament on the PGA Tour schedule is that the cream rises to the top of the leaderboard on Sunday afternoon. Last year as the Valspar we watched (*cough* suffered through) Kevin Na and John Senden battle for Fed Ex glory and points. Not this year, oh no my friend. The 2015 Valspar (a paint company, BTW, not a Viagra knock off like my wife thought) had all the cream in the field right where you want it.

Fifty four hole leader Ryan Moore grabbed a big lead early with an eagle at the 6th hole. Playing companion Jordan Spieth made bogey at the same hole, albeit by making a big 12 foot putt, and the tournament was Moore’s to lose. For the umpteenth straight week on tour the Saturday night leader didn’t win on Sunday. Moore’s sloppy play made catching him on the back nine ‘doable’ for the threesome of Spieth, Sean O’Hair, and Patrick Reed. If you watched you saw the 3 hole playoff that ensued when all previously mentioned players besides Moore finished the Valspar Championship with a -10 total.

Jordan’s game wasn’t perfect, far from it in fact, but the 21 year old never gives away a shot. He grinds like a 43 year old journeyman who’s had to go through Q-school 4 times. Spieth missed greens and fairways, then made birdies from the rough and pars from impossible greenside situations. There were one putts galore. And he didn’t make a bogey from the 6th hole on. Saying he was clutch would be an understatement.

With Patrick Reed in the clubhouse at -10, Jordan missed the green right at 17 short-side. He hit a flop shot that FIGJAM would have been proud of nearly stone dead and saved par. At 18 his drive found the fairway bunker and his 2nd shot came up well short of the green. He needed another big flop shot to save par. The 3rd stroke was decent, but it left him with a tricky 12 footer to tie Reed and O’Hair who was also now in at -10 having played in the group in front of Moore and Spieth.

Jordan of course canned it. The 3 man playoff carried on with all pars at 18 and then the long par four 16th. After tee shots at 17 there didn’t appear to be too much of an advantage for anyone, but Spieth ended the tournament in style with this bomb from 28 feet.

Hard to believe that this is only his 2nd ‘tour’ win. His victory at Tiger’s tourney in December doesn’t count. Nor does his win in Australia from late 2014. Even harder to believe…..he now has more wins than Rickie Fowler.

During the broadcast NBC talked about how Jordan holds the Valspar fairly near and dear to his heart. In 2013 he got in the event off a top 10 showing in Puerto Rico. He needed to make enough money in Tampa to gain temporary membership having used up his capped amount of sponsor exemptions. His solid play down the stretch on Sunday in 2013 got him his card. Now that he’s a winner in Tampa you can expect him to show up year in and year out. He also kept the class flowing in his post round comments when hee credited his caddie first and foremost. Can you imagine Bubba ever doing that? I suppose that is simply reason 1076 as to why we like Mr. Spieth. Now where can I get one of those sweet belts (pictured twice above)?

The Field

Villain Patrick Reed was just as deserving to win in Tampa, and his short game was perhaps even better than Spieth’s. His up and down on the first playoff hole from a buried lie in the bunker was an all-timer. For this guy to shrug off the haters and bull shit ongoing witch hunt about his college antics and play like this shows you how mentally tough he is. I don’t think he had his A-game either as he couldn’t hit a fairway to save his fat ass.

As Mr. Sobel states, there’s something about Reed (and Jordan Spieth for that matter) that allows them to be clutch, get the ball in the hole when it counts, etc. Whatever it is, I am personally not familiar with it in my game. I also took note today that Reed genuinely seemed to be enjoying the competition on Innisbrook’s Copperhead golf course, especially in the playoff. When Jordan made his winning putt, Reed was all smiles. Perhaps his only mistake of the day was wearing a white belt. Big boys with waste lines like his can’t pull that off. The 36-squared rule applies here. Size 36 and under waste and 36 years old and younger: those are the rules of the white belt.


For Sean O’Hair, I’m sure the day didn’t end as he would have liked, but he played his ass off. He has to be excited about where his game is. He hasn’t won in four years but could end that drought next week as he’s played very well at Arnie’s tournament before. For Ryan Moore, he keeps knocking at the door. He’s past due, but a foul ball or a clunky short game seems to keep doing him in in Sundays. This was a perfect course and event for his game. Even though he’s playing well, none of the next 3 events really set up well for him.

The Future Mrs. Spieth???

Maybe. Who knows? I can’t tell how dialed in this kid is to strange puss because golf seems to be the only thing he cares about…..well that and his beloved Cowboys and Longhorns. This is girlfriend Annie Verret. She’s a Texan. She’s accompanied Jordan to the Ryder Cup and Presidents Cup over the last two seasons.



Psycho looking dog, but cute girl. Seems young and innocent. She will probably make a great 1st wife. I can’t believe I haven’t discussed her here before. Do you think she’ll force him to get hair plugs? Dude is balding quickly. That’s ok, he’s 21 and has $10 million already in the bank (in earnings only).

Shot Of The Day

Spieth’s winning putt probably should win the Shot of the Day, but I hate giving it to a putt no matter how big it is. Moore’s aforementioned eagle at the 6th was too damn pretty to pass up so it takes the cake.

Was the eagle a jinx? Moore was +2 over his last 12 holes from there on in. Ouch.

Can You Smell That? 

No, I’m not asking you to try Google Nose to get a whiff of my flatulent, I’m wondering if you can smell the blossoming azaleas down in Amen Corner. We’re 23 days away from ceremonial tee shots, pimento cheese sandwiches, and the first major of the year. Not feeling it? Try again.

Goose bumps. And the feedback from someone’s old record player makes it even better.

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Jesper’s Daughters, Tiger’s Name, And Meghan’s Nose: Its Another Edition Of Hump Day Musings

A Big Year For Jesper

Jesper Parnevik turned 50 over the weekend, which means he’s now eligible for the Champions Tour. He’ll make his debut on that tour in the very new future. Before that happens JP and his family will air a reality show in Sweden that shows how they live their life in Florida. Today he was on Golf Channel’s Morning Drive to promote the show. The Tour’s Spaceman (his nickname) seems perfect for a reality show with all his quirks and bizarre habits. I’d watch it if it was on in the U.S. The show will feature Mr. and Mrs. Parnevik along with their three daughters and one son.

Why am I bringing it up? Because why would you put your daughters on TV?

His daughter’s Instagram account is public which seems like a mistake too. She’s not 18 yet.

Jesper also must have forgot that he was on live television as he dropped the word “shit” a few times and it was not edited.

I wonder if the tour can fine him for that as they would if it aired during a tournament broadcast? The Parnevik show first airs on Monday, March 16th.

What’s In A Name?

The interwebs were abuzz today with talk of Tiger Woods’ new Jupiter, FL area restaurant. Its said to be called Woods Jupiter. That sounds fucking stupid, doesn’t it? Well, others apparently thought the same and asked the developer about it. Nicholas Mastroianni II claimed that Woods can’t use his first name with his last name in because “Nike has the rights to the name Tiger Woods.” Therefore, Nike would have to give the developer permission to use his name together. Oh come on.

The above image is not actually Woods’ dining establishment.

Tiger’s camp got wind of this bull shit and jumped right on the information snafu with a statement from Steinie.

“I can’t imagine how this could have been communicated this way. It is wholly inaccurate and categorically false,” Steinberg said. “Tiger owns his own name and always had. He can use his name in any form he chooses. Nike would confirm that if asked.” Later Wednesday, a Nike spokeswoman did just that, saying, “Nike does not own the name ‘Tiger Woods.’ We can confirm that Mark Steinberg’s comments are accurate.”

The stupidity of the internet grows. Cased closed.

What is more interesting in all things Tiger is that he’s yet to confirm that he’ll play in the Arnold Palmer Invitational next week at Bay Hill. When healthy, the API is a mainstay in TW’s schedule. You’d think he would let the King’s people know so they could take any necessary extra security measures for his appearance. He has until Friday at 5 p.m. to make his intentions known. If he does not enter the API, he likely will not play before the Masters. Stay tuned.

Daly Sounds Off

Did you know John Daly has a radio show on XM satellite radio? Neither did I. On Tuesday Big John was asked about the Tour’s ‘random’ drug testing policy and he went off. To paraphrase, John said that he tees off at 1:50 on Friday and he knows he’ll be tested around 7 pm that day. He’s been tested 5 consecutive years at this event after the 2nd round. He also said that every player knows when they’ll get tested.

He called out the commissioner, his staff, and the entire policy because it is bull shit. You can hear the clip here thanks to GolfWrx. That’s a hot take, and I think Daly is speaking the truth. The shame of it is that because Daly said it it won’t be taken as seriously as it should. It does give you a reason as to why so few players ever get caught taking illegal substances. It also makes you wonder how Dustin Johnson could be so dumb if he knew when he’d be tested? What would be nice is if a few of the writers on the Patrick Reed witch hunt could find the time to chase a real story instead of digging up dirt on a guy that has nothing to do with his success.

(Steps off soap box.)

Who Nose Knows? 

Remember Meghan Hardin from the Golf Channel’s Big Break? Yeah, the girl with the huge tits. That’s her.

Hot tubbing after golf! #hottubtimeachine #roughingit #palmsprings #recovery #california#golf #lifeofapro

A photo posted by Meghan Hardin (@meghanahardin) on

She posted that pic on Wednesday and made me wonder why she looks different than before. Ms. Hardin was strangely absent from social media for weeks this past winter. When she reappeared she looked different and I just recently figured out why. I believe she got a nose job. Take a beak……errrrr…..peek.



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Looks like they shrunk it a bit and perhaps took out a slight hump in the middle. I assume she started doing more modeling than golfing and some photographer told her it would improve her look. It must suck being a girl and being told shit like that. First, she looked fine as she was. Second, it would take years for a guy to notice anything wrong with her nose because it would take that long to stop starring at her tits.

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DJ Takes Doral: Final Thoughts On WGC Cadillac

@NoLayingUp Says We Can’t Make Coke Jokes

Dustin Johnson started Sunday’s final round in Miami trailing tournament leader and playing companion J.B. Holmes by 5 shots. Dustin made up 4 of those 5 shots by the time the final twosome made the turn, but both players now trailed Bubba Watson. Strangely, Dustin’s putter warmed up on the closing 9 when he holed a birdie putt at 10 and some clutch par putts to hold serve until he again drained a birdie at the par three 15th. That deuce gave him the lead for good, and mistake free, solid golf coming in sealed his 1 shot victory over Holmes.

As we all know, Dustin missed 6 months of professional golf (including last year’s PGA Championship and Ryder Cup) thanks to his ‘leave of absence’. I’m not going to rehash the argument about what said absence was actually for, but Dustin did indicate in his post round interview that he’s changed some things in his life for the better. If he’s clean now and this makes him a better player, then good for him. During these 6 months, DJ’s baby momma gave birth to his son, Tatum. The happy family was in Miami to greet Johnson when he came out of the scorers tent.

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It is easy to take shots at Johnson for his problems, but an image like that humanizes him unlike seeing him mash 320 yard drives. Whatever he’s dealt with, whatever mistakes he’s made, I hope he’s put them behind him for his and his family’s sake.

And then there’s Paulina. Motherhood seems to be agreeing with her. Do you think she’s breast feeding? Can she with those fakers? The mind wanders, but let me just remind you that this is who were talking about.

That wasn’t that long ago. Now the TMZ pageview grabber is somebody’s mother. Holy shit that is hard to wrap your head around. I have no idea who the coke whore next to her is.

Back to golf – the story on DJ’s win that you may read elsewhere could lead to you to believe that he won on Sunday thanks to Holmes and Watson handing him the championship. That isn’t accurate. Take a look at the numbers provided here by the PGA Tour.

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Those are winning numbers no matter how you slice them. Yes, Doral completely favored long ball hitters, but you still have to beat your peers.  DJ did so with his irons as shown by his T2 in proximity to the hole. And winning 8 years in a row against the best players in the world is nothing to sneeze at. No one else has done that in the modern era save Tiger.

Of course the Twitternerds are all claiming this is just the beginning for DJ, the tip of the iceberg, blah blah blah……no, not yet. How many of these 8 years has he had multiple wins? For as good as Johnson can be, he’s still far too inconsistent. He’s had 3 top 5s in 5 events this year including his win and he’s also MC’d in the other 2 events. His good is VERY good. Once he makes his ‘bad’ better that will validate some of these crazy claims.

The Field

J.B. Holmes shot 62 on Thursday. That 10 under round might be the best regular PGA Tour event round that has ever been played. That isn’t hyperbole, that’s a fact. He beat the field average by over 10 shots. Only Jim Furyk’s 59 during the BMW at Conway Farms in 2013 is comparable. Too bad Johnny Wad shot his wad for the week on Thursday. He wasn’t bad, he just wasn’t special when he needed to be on Sunday. I think its possible he lead the tournament for too long, ran out of gas, etc. Whatever you want to call it, the Holmes we saw on Sunday wasn’t the guy we had the first 3 days in Miami.

Bubba Watson made a charge Sunday on the front 9 and was 4 under through 7 holes. Once he climbed the mountain and got to the top Bubba got twitchy as he often does. His rabbit ears were out, he heard phones, yelled at fans….you know, like Bubba does, and all of a sudden he couldn’t make a birdie. Back nine +3s don’t win tournies Mr. Watson.

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Adam Scott had a nice week for his 2015 debut, and did so with a short putter in tow. He seemed to get better as the week went on. I’m stating the obvious, but after Doral he now looks Augusta-ready. Henrik Stenson joined Scott in the T4 spot for the week. Henrik made two interesting decisions on Sunday. First, after making birdie at 15 to get to -4, the big Swede laid up at the short par four 16th when he could have easily driven the green. The hole data shows that it plays easier when going for the green. If Henrik could have made an eagle and birdied 1 more hole he might have been able to post a score for the leaders to look at. I still have no idea what the fuck he was thinking. NBC also questioned this play.

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Next, as you can see from the pick above, Henrik wore this hideous. Is it supposed to be a Jack O’Lantern? His clothing sponsor, Hugo Boss, should be better than that. Shame on both Boss and Stenson for that thing seeing the light of day.

Lee Westwood played in his 50th WGC event of his career this week at Doral. This is a record of sorts for most WGC’s. Lee also hasn’t won a single fucking one of them.  Thanks for showing up, Lee.

They Did Not Find Jimmy Hoffa

My previous post explains all you need to know about how Rory McIlroy’s 3 iron ended up in the lake next to Doral’s 8th hole. Rory played with only 13 clubs on Saturday. Meanwhile a scuba diver took to the hazard to find Ror’s lost stick.

The diver found it for Trump. Trump took it to Rory on the range and it was put back in the bag for him to use on Sunday. Whenever McIlroy is done with it he will return it to Trump so that it can be displayed in the club house. I love it.

As for the World Number 1’s week of golf….lots of birdies, lots of bogies, a few others, and a back door top 10 finish while chipping in for double at his final hole.He’s building, he’s tapering, he’s right on schedule. Be patient.

Vine Of The Week

If you read this site you know I like Vines. You also might know that I’m not that good at creating them. I try to only embed them from Twitter so you can see the rightful author/creator. From now on if there’s anything worthy of a Vine of the Week I’m going to post it for you. The first winner of this meaningless achievement comes from @TwoInchesShort and it gives us Matt Kuchar using his favorite dirty word.

So Kooch. So good.

Shots Of The Week

The 4th hole at Doral isn’t supposed to be easy. Yet the two guys playing in the final group on Sunday both aced it about 25 minutes apart on Saturday in round 3.

Both guys doing it so similarly is amazing, and having both aces roll in like putts makes them even more delicious. NBC went on to tell viewers how a tournament winner has not had a hole in one in the same event since Stricker pulled it off at Memorial a handful of years ago. They brought this up because of JB’s big lead at the time. Little did they know this factoid would actually be equaled by Johnson.

Uncle Rico

Oh yeah, were you vaguely aware that because Doral was a WGC event there was another PGA Tour sanctioned event going on simultaneously in Puerto Rico? Of course you were. Apparently it was pretty entertaining because it involved a 5 man playoff. I missed it, traveling, hangover, etc. Alex Cejka won after Arnold Palmer’s grandson, Sam Saunders, missed a birdie putt in the playoff.

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I saw some tweets noting that Cejka, at 44 years old, is the oldest ever first time tour winner. I thought Ken Duke held that distinction thanks to his win in Hartford a few years ago. Perhaps Cejka got him by a matter of days.

Oh, and in the wake of 4 days of play recently being completed at Doral several tour caddies went back to Twitter to complain about the redesigned course. That’s fair. But may I suggest that if they don’t like it they and their players should go play in Puerto Rico next year during this event. There they can feel the pressure to make a cut instead of cruising in dead fucking last and still taking home enough money to feed a family of 4 for a year.  Rant over.

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In Rory’s Honor: My Top 10 Club Tosses Of All Time

Rory’s 3 Iron Met Luca Brasi 

The world’s number 1 golfer had a rough first nine at Doral on Thursday (out in 40) but followed that up with a bunch of birdies to salvage a round of 73. You’d have thought the ugliness in his game was gone for good after that. Three birdies in your first 7 holes doesn’t scream frustration. But mix in a few bogies and a tough golf course and anyone can be broken, including Rory McIlroy. Here’s Rors hitting his 2nd shot to the par five 8th hole on Friday.

I’ve done similar, but my tosses don’t set the Twitter world ablaze with memes and snark. McIlroy went on to bogey the hole and shoot 70 with no 3 iron for the final 10 holes. He told the media after his round that playing companion Henrik Stenson suggested that he might not make SportsCenter for his play, but will for that toss.

The Top 10

In honor of Rory’s club toss today I’m comprising a list of the best 10 equipment throws of all time. Let the fun begin:

#10 – Craig Stadler: If Tommy Bolt wasn’t the King of the Club Toss, then the Walrus is. Most of his throws from his prime aren’t on the interwebs for us to view. Thankfully, this one from a PR stunt prior to the Toshiba Classic is.

#9 – Charley Hoffman: The Players Championship is not the place I’d want to lose my mind, not with that much cash on the line. TPC Sawgrass wasn’t kind to Hoffman and he lost it. The toss was majestic.

#8 – John Daly: He’s had plenty of meltdowns, his Tin Cup moments at Bay Hill and the Australian Masters being my favorites, but not too many actual club throws. Still, the top ten chucks wouldn’t be complete without him.

# 7 – Rory McIlroy: See above, today’s helicopter toss was good, but I’m only going to give him seventh place.

#6 – Henrik Stenson: It is no coincidence that he makes the list next to Rory after playing with him today. Here’s a stellar effort from the big Swede in Dubai 4 years ago.

#5 – My own: I happened at Ruffled Feathers outside of Chicago when I played this Pete Dye shit hole one day with friends. I struck it beautifully on the range and proceeded to hit my first 4 tee shots left and out of play or in hazards. After my drop on the 4th hole I hooked a 3 wood into the hazard as well and lost my shit. I meant to chuck my fairway metal down the dry fairway, but just like my previous shots that day, it went left about 40 feet into a nasty water hazard.

I removed my shoes, socks, and shorts and pulled my boxers up nice and snug to go in and get it. It was easy to find with the air in the grip making it bob up and down. What a stupid fuck I am. Side note, I got a grip tip from my buddy, salvaged the round, and qualified for a major state-wide tournament the next day.

#4 – Bobby Knight: Any good list of tantrums should involve the General. Be warned, the audio is NSFW.

#3 – Tiger Woods: While at the Australian Masters about a week before Elin almost killed him Tiger had one of his worst moments in loss of composure (at least some of the worst on camera).

#2 – Pat Perez: PP is well known for these kinds of outbursts, though he seems to have settled down a bit in recent years. It must run in the family because his brother had a few of his own while on Golf Channel’s Big Break years ago. Here’s Pat’s contribution to the top 10 from the Shell Houston Open of 2011.

#1 – Sergio Garcia: When you think of professional golf tantrums, only Steve “the Volcano” Pate ranks higher than Sergio. Garcia of course has spit in a hole, mutilated bunkers and tee markers, and chucked a few clubs. He takes the #1 spot thanks to this fantastic 6 iron toss in to a lake in Thailand.

That could have killed someone. Did I miss any good ones?

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Captain Phil And Another Viral Trick Shot Video

Ted Said It Therefore It Must Be True

For some reason Ted Bishop and his thoughts keep getting attention from media types. I suppose that be me talking about him here doesn’t help to hinder this issue, but that’s a different story. Teddy talked to SI’s Golf team about future Ryder Cups. More specifically, he wanted to make public Phil Mickelson’s desire to be a captain. No shit, FIGJAM thinks he could do the job? That’s news to Tom Watson. But according to Ted, Phil wants the job when the matches come to Bethpage Black on Long Island.

I discussed this topic briefly in 2013 (scroll down) when the Black Course was announced as the home of the 2024 matches. Keegan was already politicking for Bitch Tits then too. Now Bishop essentially confirms Phil’s desires with this quote, which stems from his chat with Phil during a practice round at the 2010 matches.

“On the 18th fairway, totally out of the blue, Phil says, ‘I’ll tell you what would be a great Ryder Cup venue: Bethpage Black. And I want to be the captain there.’ In conversations I’ve had with Phil since then, he has repeated as much,” Bishop said. “He has been lobbying behind the scenes for the job ever since, and I have no reason to believe that he won’t get it.”

Ted also laid out the captains for 2018 (Couples in Paris), 2020 (Stricker at Kohler), and 2022 (Furyk). I don’t think he’s giving away state secrets here. These names have been on the tips of most peoples tongues for their given years for some time. Couples in Paris is the only one I wouldn’t say is 90% or better. So why is it news and why does anyone think the disgraced former PGA president has any say in such matters? Thanks for stopping by, Ted, now go away for good.

Dude Perfect Is Not A Gay Porn Production Company

Well, it could be….I don’t research those types of things unless I’m doing a Martin Kaymer post. Anyway, on Monday the dudes at Dude Perfect (a bro media group that loves trick shot videos) hung out with Long Drive Champ Jamie Sadlowski at Callaway Golf to make…….ahhhhh, you guessed it – another trick shot video. The result is a bit ‘in your face’ for my liking, but entertaining nonetheless.

The idea is great, but the result doesn’t do much for me. I liked the part where we get to see Jamie blast balls through things (milk being the best), but the jet skis, aircraft carrier, and 3 point shot seemed much too unnatural. If you have the budget and right equipment you can pull off almost anything. Creativity with these things it what makes them cool. I’ll give it a 7 out of 10. I think they could do more with less. Dazzle me next time fellas.

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Saint Paddy’s Day: Final Thoughts On Honda

He Can Thank Me Later

I called out Padraig Harrington two weeks ago because he disappeared from championship golf like Tiger has in 2015 and no one ever seemed to notice. So of course he comes out guns blazing to make me look bad by playing well this week. Then yesterday I said his 36 hole lead meant nothing because he had no chance to actually win the Honda Classic. I’m wrong again. Hey Paddy, for the right price I’ll gladly type that you have no chance to also win the Masters!

By now you’ve seen how Manic Monday at the Honda Classic played out. Harrington took advantage of Ian Poulter’s collapse, over came a horrific double bogey of his own at the 71st hole of the tournament, then beat rookie Daniel Burger in a two hole playoff for his first PGA Tour win in nearly 2400 days. Read that again. TWENTY-FOUR FREAKING HUNDRED DAYS!!!!!!

He did win an event in Asia last year that was not affiliated with any major tour. Outside of that, there’s been no evidence that this win was coming. In fact, Harrington has become more known for his crazy swing tweaking and bizarre training regimens (he believes in the Swing Shirt and hits drivers like Happy Gilmore as a drill).

Harrington’s win is a popular one as he’s a beloved character on tour. He was emotional, to an extent, about the win and gave every scribe within earshot a good 10,0oo words to work into their stories. That’s what he known for and its another reason he’s popular among these dorks.

I like Paddy. Him winning again is great for golf in almost every way, except one. He plays slow as fuck. It felt like he took hours to hit shots today while playing the back nine. It wasn’t that windy. The conditions weren’t that tough. Why wasn’t he on the clock? His group was out of position thanks to Poulter’s high jinx at the 14th hole. That aside, congrats to him for finding his game again.

Homie celebrated the same way I would have, by literally eating his competition.

There’s no truth to the rumor that a Five Guys deal is in the works for his bag next week.

Keep Your Irish Eyes Up Here

Who knew a funny looking dope like Padraig had this in him? Yes, I’m talking about a rich guy scoring another chick that’s way out of his league. Keeping with SFG tradition, here’s Mrs. Harrington for you fappers to gawk at. Her name is Caroline.

She looks good in the pics where she’s not lugging around baby weight. There’s not much else out there so don’t waste your time looking. I gave you the good ones. Trust me.

The Field

Outside of Paddy, there were only 4 other contenders after 63 holes of the Honda. Daniel Burger lost in the playoff. This kid was phenomenal until the 2nd sudden death hole. He trailed Poulter’s 54 hole total by nine. He shot 64 in round 4 and posted a 6 under total and had to wait out Harrington’s slow play for over an hour in the club house. The 64 included birdies on 17 and 18 that showed huge onions. His swing isn’t text book, but its great where it counts. If you give it a second look, watch how good he is from the transition at the top through the ball. Only his takeaway and turn look a bit unorthodox. I see some Dustin Johnson in that move.

Then there’s Dan’s mom. NBC/Golf Channel kept showing her as he moved up the leaderboard. I think she’s gross, but I know some of you pervs would do her after 3 beers. Feel free to comment on that.

Paul Casey lost last week in L.A. in a playoff. This week he finished one shot out of the playoff. That’s not a bad way to start your 2015 as a guy trying to find himself on the PGA Tour. Several media types are talking about Casey’s game like its been gone in the way Harrington’s has. Not so much, he won a Euro event last year. Casey’s T3 showing get him in to Doral next week where I think he’ll be a popular pick for fantasy types.

Fatrick Reed was around again and ready to pounce. Then he lost it inexplicably. After a birdie at 14 he played his next 3 holes in 4 over, which included a rinsed ball in the hazard at 15. He couldn’t find a fairway. He had the lefts. His collapse might have been the most shocking outcome of the day. He’s been a killer in every opportunity presented to him. At least he wore that black and white outfit on Sunday like a boss. Usually his Tax Slayer garb makes him look like a sloppy frat bro.

And lastly, we have Ian James Poulter. Where should I begin? For Ian’s sake I’ll take you back to where he was 9 under at the beginning of the final round. Then this happened.

That result in and of itself shows what 1.5 million people all hoping for the same thing can accomplish. Poulter made double there and opened the door for Paddy, Reed, and Casey. He did make a birdie before Sunday’s play was halted by darkness. He also looked pretty good on Monday morning until he found the H2O again at 11 on his 2nd shot. Amazingly that was his third water ball of the round and he wasn’t done! He was back in the swamp twice on 14.

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Somehow this didn’t break shot tracker, but the triple bogey took all the pressure off IJP’s back from that point forward. Of course he then made birdies on 17 and 18 to finish one shot back. The guy doesn’t have the goods. He’s a weak ball striker and Brandel Chamblee’s take on Poulter’s game was spot on after the dust settled. He said Poults isn’t afraid of pressure, see Ryder Cup, but his swing flaws lead to too many foul balls (I’m paraphrasing). Poulter has never addressed said flaws. There are guys that play in regional amateur tournaments against me that hit it better than Ian, they just don’t putt and chip like he does.


Look at the bright side, Ian. At least you didn’t run out of balls and get DQ’d missing your biggest payday in 3 years.

Shot Of The Day

This is an easy one, but it is worth a 2nd look. Paddy’s dart on 17 put pressure back on Berger to hit it close. He didn’t respond well.

This shot was also redemption for Paddy’s fuck up here on the 71st hole of the tournament. How very steely of him to be able to block those demons out and hit such a ballsy shot.

TV Time

I said last week I wasn’t going to revisit and regurgitate the same TV talk every week. It isn’t worth it. Johnny is Johnny and we’ll just have to live with him until he goes away. I did enjoy his quip about Poulter running out of balls. IJP has had rabbit ears about Miller’s comments before. Hopefully he gets wind of this one too.

Besides NBC giving Jack Nicklaus time to talk about his new line of ice cream on the air, NBC and Golf Channel were a nice change from the CBS shit we’ve had for a few weeks. Monday’s action was golf on TV at its best. Team Peacock covered everyone at the right time, with the right level of drama, and didn’t miss a shot from a contender that mattered. There was no overkill of swing analysis, no fluff, no sponsor bull shit, and plenty of actual golf shown to viewers. Kudos to that group for getting it right. Well done.

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Ugh…The Fucking M-Word Is Lingering At The Honda

The M-Word Is “Monday”

There is no chance the Honda Classic will conclude on Sunday thanks to the near 7 inches of rain the golf course received on Friday and Saturday. Four hours of play was lost on Friday thanks to delays. On Saturday players finished their 2nd rounds in the morning, and those making the cut got in a few holes before play was suspended again. The leaders never teed off.

Third round spills over to Sunday

Some of the images (like the one above) showing the carnage from the weather have been incredible. Not destructive, just hard to fathom thanks to the amount of rain. The Honda auto that is sitting in the water hazard near the 18th green had H2O rising up near the floor boards late on Saturday. Play is scheduled to resume at 10 a.m. Sunday to give the grounds crew a chance to clean up and to allow for the course to drain a bit. With the late start, round 4 cannot begin until at least 3ish on Sunday. The sun sets just after 6 pm eastern time in this area, the leaders will be forced to come back on Monday to play about 2/3 of their final round. Strangely, on Thursday in round 1 the announcers on Golf Channel were chatting about how firm the course was and how it needed to be watered to make it more fair. Be careful what you wish for.

In The Lead

With the championship only half complete, the 36 hole leaderboard seems a bit irrelevant, but there are a few surprises at the top. First round leader and Monday qualifier Jim Herman dropped 2 shots in round 2, but is still -3 and T6. Luke Donald is back from the dead at -4 and holding the 5th position. Luke has played well at the Honda before and even won it, albeit at a different course. Fellow Englishman Ian Poulter (the ‘man’ part of his origin should be taken with a grain of salt) is one shot better than Donald at -5 with Brendan Steele. Who’s leading? Padraig Harrington. I shit you not. Paddy is ranked 297th in the world right now. He moved to that spot on Monday when James Hahn vacated it thanks to his win at Riviera. And just last week I had this to say about Paddy:

I must have struck a nerve. There are no sure things in golf, but this one is close. Paddy won’t win the Honda this year. No fucking chance. Why? Because Patrick Reed trails him by a shot and will eat Paddy’s first born if he has to in his efforts to win another PGA Tour event.


The field at the Honda is always one of the best of the year for a non-major/Players/WGC event. Tiger obviously isn’t there, but Phil, Rory, Dustin, Sergio, Rickie, Kaymer, Westwood, Zach, GMac, Horschel, Keegan and Charl were all in South Florida this week to play. The problem is most of those guys missed the cut and only Phil and Sergio have a chance to contend over the next 36 holes. Phil’s 2nd round was pretty entertaining. He made birdies after hitting his tee shots off line and behind trees. Then he went complete FIGJAM with this tasty treat at the 14th:

Lucky for us, the PGA Tour website had Phil, Sergio, and Kaymer’s group as their round 2 ‘featured group’ and golf fans could get a little taste of the Honda early Saturday morning. With play suspended all afternoon, NBC went without showing a live shot on their national network broadcast. That might be the only way to shut Johnny Miller up.

Looper Lounge

By now you have likely read about the caddies who are suing the PGA Tour over the right to show their own advertisements on the bibs they were. If not, my take on it can be read here again. I’ll hold my ground on that part of the suit. Also included in this fight for rights is the fact that caddies are not allowed in the club house during tournaments. I assume this goes back to 100 years ago when caddies were considered 2nd class citizens. Shit, back then the pros playing in tournaments also weren’t allowed in the club house. Obviously times have changed and rules applying to caddies should too.

From what I understand, most tournaments set up pretty decent caddy lounge areas for them to hangout, eat well, and take a load off while they wait for their player or wait out a weather delay. It seems this week at the Honda is an exception to such treatment. During yesterday’s storm, loopers took to Twitter to show how they’re being shit on.

Scotty Vail is Brandt Snedeker’s caddie and they’re not even in the Honda this week, but Vail went to bat for his mates on the Twitter too. He re-Tweeted the footage from above and then said this:

While I disagree on the whole bib thing, this treatment of caddies is beyond ridiculous. Let them in the locker rooms or set up a better lounge area with decent food and shelter. There is no excuse to put them in harm’s way and to have them in primitive areas with no air conditioning. The beauty of Twitter is that when things go viral like this results usually come fast. If an airline fucks up and you tweet about it, they help you NOW. Vail and his fellow loopers action will not go unnoticed. This will be fixed, probably as soon as today.

New WAG Of The Month

Wake up man, it is March already. And that means golf for those of us in the snow isn’t that far way. It also means that there is a new WAG of the Month here at SFG. As you can see, Mrs. Jason Day got the nod for these 31 days. My choices came down to Ellie and Mandy Snedeker based on their hubby’s wins in February.

I like Mrs. Sneds, but I don’t think this was a fair fight. Congrats to Ellie. Perhaps this is an omen for the Days as we head towards the Masters.

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